QT: Don't fall in love with the Male Lead

Chapter 187: Don't twist yourself into knots

Xi Zirui follows Ji Limei out of the library and through a series of courtyards until they reach a squat stone building, at the edge of the Jade palace complex. 

Ji Limei moves with purpose through the multiple rooms, greeting all the higher and minor gods as she makes her way across the building, until reaching a wall filled with bound up volumes and scrolls.

She approaches a wooden table where a blank piece of paper and an inkstone and brush sit. With confident strokes, she writes the characters of Xi Zirui's name into the paper. Moments later they vanish into the white sheet, at the same time that a bamboo strip scroll flies out of the shelf and into Ji Limei's hands.

Xi Zirui peers over her shoulder as she runs her eyes over all the names and their specific prayers, coming to a stop when she finds Xi Zirui's.

"Why is a human praying for your safe journey into the afterlife?" she asks, her eyebrows climbing almost all the way up to her hairline.

Xi Zirui rereads the contents of Han Yu's prayer, as well as the date and his personal information. From his calculations he must have prayed for this in the second world, when he was the crown Prince, and Su Xueyi his Emperor father.

But how can that be? Supposedly, the realms the Transmigrator 4000 took him to, were alternate realities, parallel timelines. 

"Can time flow backwards? And uh, run parallel?" he asks, trying to make sense of his own thoughts.

Ji Limei gives him a curious look. "Of course, otherwise how would it be possible for us to undertake heavenly tribulations in time periods long past the current chronological time?" She looks smug for a moment. "You've always been a slacker when it comes to studies, so it doesn't surprise me that you didn't pay attention to those lessons."

"For humans, time and space exist as two sides of a piece of paper, they can see one or the other, but they are forever separated. It's not the same for us, time is space and space is time." She frowns. "That still doesn't explain why this human is praying for you as if you were just another human."

She gasps suddenly and breaks into a smile. "Oh, I must have been infected by your idiocy." She nods to herself. "Of course, the jade Emperor has determined that you'd go on your tribulation already, that is as good as setting the events into motion. This must be one of the people you meet there, who, thinking you are a human, prays for you."

Ji Limei looks up at Xi Zirui excitedly, as if Han Yu's prayer proves what she was trying to explain about time and space. "You might have not left on your tribulation yet, but somewhere, it already happened." She lifts the scroll up to Xi Zirui's eyes. "This is an echo, of what is going to happen."

Xi Zirui nods, he thinks he understands what she means. However, his brain is snagging on bigger implications. 

Ji Limei is assuming Han Yu is someone Xi Zirui is going to meet after leaving on his tribulation, but Xi Zirui knows the truth: that prayer was made by Han Yu in the second world.

Is that only confirmation that the events that happened in the Transmigrator 4000 really took place -- not that he believed otherwise -- and like Ji Limei explained; this is an echo of things to come reverberating all the way in the past?

Or is something else going on that Xi Zirui isn't quite able to understand. 

He feels like there's something just outside of his reach that he can't make sense of.

Ji Limei goes very still suddenly. "Wait, it's one thing for the echo of something that is going to happen to show up here, but it's another for you to know the name of a human you haven't even met." She narrows her eyes at him. "How did you know his name?"

Xi Zirui keeps his gaze fixed on the scroll, and on the characters that spell out Han Yu's name.

'I'm an echo of things to come, too,' he thinks silently to himself.

---

With the date of birth of Han Yu's first lifetime, Ji Limei manages to find his book in the library after a few minutes of search.

It's a bound volume, old and dusty like everything else in the library.

She hands it to Xi Zirui with a smug smirk. "Like I said, there's a system."

Xi Zirui doesn't want to read the book of Han Yu's life with Ji Limei looking over his shoulder. 

"Thanks, you can go now."

She isn't impressed by the quick way he dismisses her, but makes her way to the doors nonetheless. "Don't forget that you owe me."

Xi Zirui doesn't, but right now he has bigger worries.

He looks at the book in his hands, nondescript in every way, and wavers before opening it, feeling in a way like it's a violation of Han Yu's privacy.

He debates with himself for some time before flicking it open to the first page.

Han Yu's first life isn't one he's familiar with, but the beats and events of it make him smile as Han Yu grows from child into young boy and Xi Zirui starts recognizing some of his defining personality traits.

And then he reaches a paragraph that almost makes him drop the book.

He keeps reading, his heart lodged up in his throat.

He starts flipping through the pages, desperate to reach another reincarnation.

When he does, he can scarcely believe his eyes.

How is any of this possible?

Xi Zirui closes the book, his mind swimming with possibilities.

He might not know what any of this means yet, but one thing he's sure of: he needs to find a way to ensure he meets Han Yu during his heavenly tribulation. 

When she confronted him in the last world, Ji Limei claimed that the events that led him to throw everyone into the Transmigrator 4000 happened after he returned from his tribulation, in love with Han Yu, and determined to stay with him.

There's something he's still missing about the whole situation, but he wants to find his way back to Han Yu no matter what.

---

He visits his mother in her quarters again.

She's still sitting by the moon window with a view of the courtyard, but this time she's practicing the guqin. She's playing a soft melody he doesn't recognize, but ceases plucking the strings as soon as she hears him come in.

"How was the conversation with your grandfather?" she asks.

Xi Zirui sits down next to her, tilting his head towards her so she can run her fingers through his hair. "Productive. My heavenly tribulation will be in four days."

She coos at him. "Oh, you'll see it won't be so bad. You might hurt for a while, after you return, but you just need to remember it's all temporary," her tone his breezy, carefree. "We're gods, the dust of the mortal world never sticks to us for long. You don't need to worry."

His mother's words are meant to reassure him, but Xi Zirui thinks he's probably neck deep in the dust of the mortal world, by now.

"Who decides what my heavenly tribulation will entail?" Xi Zirui asks, trying to keep his tone even. 

Lei Zu smiles. "The Book of Fates will be consulted, of course."

"Of course," Xi Zirui says, his smile strained.

He stands to leave but his mother holds him back by the wrist. "I can tell something is weighting on your mind. You should meditate before your tribulation, to ensure everything goes smoothly."

Xi Zirui thanks her and makes his way out of her rooms. No closer to finding a way back to Han Yu.

He could of course leave it all up to fate and hope he'll end up meeting Han Yu again, but since fate is the very force trying to keep them apart, he'd rather not leave everything up to it.

Without noticing he's doing it, his feet take him deep into the palace gardens, until he comes upon a flowering plum orchard.

The rain of pink flowers makes him feel nostalgic for the time he was a sect master and Han Yu his devoted disciple.

There are always little things reminding him of all the lives he has had with Han Yu.

He's so absorbed in his thoughts that he doesn't notice another presence nearby.

"I've heard that you'll be leaving on your own tribulation soon," Su Xueyi says, sneaking up behind Xi Zirui and whispering the words against his neck.

Xi Zirui spins around and puts some distance between them, pushing his back into the bark of a plum tree. 

Su Xueyi ignores Xi Zirui's scowl and leans in again. "I can give you some pointers regarding what to do."

Xi Zirui is about to send him on his way again, when an idea strikes him. "Do you know if it's possible to keep our memories during a tribulation?"