Losing My Religion

Part 2, Chapter 3

Amber

Things were a little tense between me and Lily after I’d shown her my magic work. There weren’t any arguments, per say, it was just that we didn’t talk as much, we didn’t sit as close together on the couch, and we were both outwardly miserable. 

Being upset with your best friend? Not great. Being upset with your best friend, who’s also your ex-girlfriend and your roommate? Really, really not great.

This sucks…

By Wednesday, I was scrambling to look for a solution. I could just try to apologize, but I wouldn’t really know what I was apologizing for, because she was the one that accused me of using demonic magic. 

And she was too stubborn to apologize as well, so a solution needed a defter hand. 

In came Katie. I’d already been planning on getting Lily to talk to Katie, but I figured it would serve double duty now; there was no way either of us could stay mad around my adorable little sister. 

All I had to do was explain to Lily what was going on and convince her to help.

While we’re irritated at each other…

Lily was laying on the couch, staring at the ceiling after class.

I approached from my room after a moment to hype myself up. C’mon this is for Katie, you can do this!

“Hey, Lily, can I talk to you for a second?”

She groaned and sat up, shaking the fatigue out. “Hmm?”

I sat down next to her, but left plenty of space between us. “Umm so my younger sister, Katie, she recently manifested as a succubus…”

She blinked, staring at me with sleepiness still in her eyes. “You have a sister?”

“Uh, I have a few…” Twenty-six to be exact, assuming our mother hasn’t adopted another since Saturday. I shook my head, “I can tell you a bit about my little sisters later, but Katie is the one I wanted to talk about now. She’s struggling with being a succubus, and I was hoping you could talk to her and help her out a bit.”

She nodded slowly, probably still taking in the fact that I had sisters.

Our mother doesn't like us telling outsiders about the coven, and really, I’ve already told Lily way more than she would be okay with me telling a human, let alone a demon… But I can trust Lily.

I smiled at her, glad to be on the same page again, even for a moment. “Alright, I’ll see when she can come over, thank you so much.”

—

I welcomed Katie inside our dorm soon after inviting her, our schedules working out surprisingly well. I took her over to where Lily was waiting, already in her succubus form, although she’d thankfully covered up with her normal clothes by transforming and then dressing ahead of time.

The three of us sat down on our couch, a boxy red thing that looked nice more than it felt comfortable. Katie was in the middle, between me and Lily, but her focus was on the red skinned girl, an awe in her eyes similar to when she saw me do magic.

Lily began her lecture, her normal cute and excitable demeanor giving way to patient kindness. “So I got this pamphlet from the school, which explains a bunch of the basics in a way even I can understand,” she shrugged, “You can have it, I already read it a bunch of times, and if I need a new one I can just ask.”

“Thank you Miss Lily,” Katie responded.

I smiled proudly at the polite demeanor of my student.

Lily continued, “So one of the most important things it stressed was that succubi feed from intimacy, in whatever form that comes. Sex is common, but not necessary.” She blushed and paused, regaining her composure. “Another important note is that we don’t drain energy from people, we create it out of intimacy, and–”

I cut her off, “What? That’s not remotely true.” I glared past Katie. Good thing I’m here or this could’ve been a disaster…

Lily frowned and responded calmly, “That’s what the pamphlet said, and it checks out with my experiences.”

I rolled my eyes, “Well it would break conservation of magical energy – which would then make everything I know about magic wrong.” I stared at her, waiting for her to refute my salient point.

She blinked, glancing at Katie, who had backed up into the couch, trying to avoid the line of fire. “Well I don’t know what you want me to say. If your theories go against observable reality…”

Oh sure, she cares about observable reality when it comes to this, but the existence of a god? Then it’s just having faith. Typical…

“If you care so much about observable reality, then let’s call up who you’ve been feeding on all this time, measure the amount of ambient magic in their body.” My stomach swirled with discomfort at the prospect of knowing for certain who she’d been having sex with, but I stamped down on the feeling, knowing Katie’s education was what was most important here.

Her face pulled back in a grimace and her already red skin flushed deeper. “Um…”

“Oh, so you’re all nymphomaniac out there, feeding on whoever, but when it comes time to talk about it, you’re suddenly a prude again?!”

Tears pooled in Lily’s eyes. 

“Oh my god, leave her alone!” Katie yelled, glaring at me. 

I stared at my little sister, shocked. 

She continued, “Whatever you’re mad about with her, it's clearly not relevant. Just give her a minute and let her talk…” her disappointed eyes followed me as I startled backwards.

Lily found her voice again. “I… well…” 

I leaned forwards slightly, waiting for her to just say it, to finally tell me who she’s been feeding on this whole time. Was it Chris? Was it her previous roommate? Someone I didn’t know? One of the teachers? I refused to blink, eyes straining under my focus.

She tried again. “I’ve fed from a few people,” she spat the word, “but I haven’t been feeding like that since last semester.” She thought for a moment. “It’s been about two months since I’ve done anything more than hug someone.”

Katie and I stared at her, Katie catching on to what Lily was saying more than I was, based on her blush.

“I don’t get it,” I said, “Where’s your energy coming from then?”

My eyes traced Lily’s movements as she stood and walked towards her room, hiding her face from me.

Why are you running away, just say it! Put me out of my misery already…

She stopped in the doorway of her room, still facing away, and finally spoke. “If I don’t use much magic, I don’t need to do anything other than hang out with you a few times a week…” She immediately shut herself in the room, the lock clicking behind her.

I stared at the hunk of wood, utterly baffled.

Silence echoed through the room. 

My head twisted, looking for answers. Katie was next to me still but was covering her face with both of her hands, a deep blush peeking through at the edges. 

Lily has been… feeding on me this whole time?

A tempest of anger and betrayal swirled within me, fueling my movements as I stood and strode over to Lily’s door. I banged on it with my fist, shaking the wood. “Are you fucking serious Lily? Is that how friends treat each other, like bags of food?!”

I glared at the wood, and when no response came, I considered using magic to get inside.

Just a lockpick spell – it would set me back on my materials, but wouldn’t that be worth it?

I settled for more yelling. “Or is it just because I fed you that one time – once food, always food?”

Katie pulled me away from the door, shaking her head sadly.

I glared at her, ready to shout at her for switching sides at a moment’s notice, but she quickly cast a silencing spell on me, burning some of the materials she carried on her at all times.

I taught her that spell. I know she only has enough materials to cast it once, ever, and she cast it now, on me?!

My silent yells gave way to silent screams. 

How could she do this to me, after all of the trust I placed in her?

Lily

I never thought I’d be missing having Evan as a roommate.

The ceiling didn’t respond to my thoughts, remaining as stoic as it had been earlier in the living room. My body sunk deeper into my bed, feeling exhausted in a way I hadn’t for a few months. 

It turned out when your main source of food is how emotionally intimate you felt with your roommate, getting in a fight made you hungry. Even worse, I really wasn’t in the mood for sex for a multitude of reasons. 

Mostly I felt guilty and vulnerable – being intimate with someone would require emotional energy I didn’t have. 

It was one thing to hear the words of my father echoing in my mind every once in a while, but it was another to have that viewpoint validated by the person I felt closest to. 

Amber was my primary sustenance, and the way that made me feel, the soothing warmth I got in my chest being around her, that impacted the way I treated her. Could that be anything other than treating her like food?

And what would the version of me that arrived at this school think; what would he think of the fact that I’d done sexual things with both a man and a woman, that I was considering having sex right now, just to get my fix?

How could my actions be anything other than being taken over by my succubus instincts? He wouldn’t have done any of this, wouldn’t have treated Amber like that and drove her away.

And what an embarrassing way to drive her away. Even if she didn’t properly understand what I’d said, my succubus instincts explained it loud and clear every time the scene played through my mind. For succubi, the idea of sustaining yourself on one person without significant physical intimacy, that’s essentially a confession of love, even if it wasn’t necessarily a romantic love. 

I’d told that to her… to my ex-girlfriend, right in front of her little sister, who definitely knew what I was saying.

I grabbed a pillow from beside me and pressed it into my face, stifling my scream.

Maybe my dad was right…

My lethargic limbs pulled me out of bed, and stumbled me across the room, searching for the things I’d need to pack. 

Maybe I could get the love I needed from him, if I just gave him another chance. How hard could it be, if I’d gotten so much from Amber, who clearly didn’t reciprocate my feelings?