Losing My Religion

Chapter 9

With glazed eyes I stared at my three business midterms Monday afternoon, absentmindedly rubbing one of my horns.

I think it’s a little bigger…

My test scores were… not as big. A 20%, a 12%, and, the crowning achievement of my college career, a 55%. A set of scores so low that even the most desperate of students wouldn’t be able to say were ‘technically passing’.

Truthfully, the tests hadn’t been hard. Adam probably could’ve gotten B’s or A’s on them with a little bit of studying, and anyone in the class who’d shown up to the lectures would be able to at least pass.

I had shown up to the lectures, but, with everything going on, I hadn’t really been there, so to speak.

It wasn’t even that I was stressed and distracted from everything that had been going on – although that was a factor – no, the main reason I’d failed was because I hated the classes. The classes had been a chore when the most exciting thing I had to compare it with was going to church, but comparing it with sex? 

I’d become a dopamine-fueled, sex-addicted slut, just like I predicted. 

But that’s okay, I guess.

What wasn't okay were these tests; It was finally time to do something about this.

——

“It sounds to me, Mr. Taylor, like you simply aren’t interested in your major.”

I sat across a stained wood desk from my academic advisor, Ms. Morgan, a stern-faced woman who wore those rectangular librarian glasses, and who smelled way too sweet for my sanity.

She wasn’t even part of the business department, and had instead been assigned to me because there were too many students going into business and too few in her field of study, theology.

I stared back at her, trying not to cringe at her gendered language. “What am I supposed to do then?” I looked down at my arm, absentmindedly wondering if I’d forgotten to shapeshift anything.

“Well, perhaps I might be biased, given that my field of study and your own do not align, but there is always the option of changing majors. It is common, especially during their first year of undergraduate study, for students to experiment with different subjects.”

My mouth twisted back and forth. I’ve already ignored my dad’s advice in other ways….

“Okay, but how do I choose a new major?” My eyes moved to my fingernails, one of which I’d picked at while stressing. It morphed back to perfect condition with a little bit of magic.

Ms. Morgan cleared her throat across from me. “Mr. Taylor, incubi are allowed to attend the school, but they must fill out form 32.b: supernatural existences, as well as form 37.a: demonic races,” her tone was tired and bored, like she was tired of all of the troublemaking demons breaking regulations.

I stared, disbelieving.

She continued, “Unless there’s been a clerical error, you have not filled out those forms. Please demonstrate your true form so I may fill out the witness portion of the form.” She stared at me over her glasses, waiting.

I looked away, unable to maintain composure under assault from her sweet scent and while she was essentially telling me to get naked. I popped into my ‘true form’ after a moment, trying to ignore the implications of the term.

Her composure, which had been unassailable for the entirety of our meeting, cracked, her eyebrows climbing up her forehead as she took in my naked, feminine form. 

She hummed in contemplation, “You do not look like an incubi…” Her composure reconstituted, manifesting in a disappointed frown. “And where are your clothes?”

I blushed, her stern gaze and tone fueling my arousal, ignoring my desperate desire to remain professional. “I don’t know… Whenever I’m like this my clothes disappear?” 

“Oh dear.” Her wheeled chair slid across the floor, moving her to a filing cabinet. She opened a drawer and started flipping through the folders, searching. “How much did your demonic parent explain to you?”

“Demonic parent?”

She let out a disappointed sigh, rolled back to her desk, and handed me a colorful pamphlet titled, ‘So you’re a succubus: an informational guide for demons aged 12+’.

An alarm went off on her desk and she sighed again, this one tired. “That’s all of the time for our appointment, I’ll email you the forms you need to complete, and if you need any more information on demonic biology, please consult the Student Health Center.” She nodded, dismissing me, “It was nice meeting you miss Taylor.”

What the fuck?

—

I’m really hungry. 

I scanned through the pamphlet Ms. Morgan had given me, finding cartoon illustrations made for preteens explaining – in graphic detail – my deepest insecurities, all of the things I’d had no answers for.

Something it had taken an embarrassingly long time to figure out was that it wasn’t in English; it was apparently in Demonic, a language demons could inherently read. The publication information also had an address in hell – or was it Hell? – something that was somewhat distressing.

A lot of the contents simply confirmed things I’d already suspected, but there was some interesting stuff too.

It detailed that sex was a normal and healthy part of succubi’s lives, and dispelled the misinformation that getting energy from people involved ‘draining’ them. Instead, the energy I got came from my own feelings of intimacy, in all senses of the words. It clarified that young succubi would usually get their energy through friends and family — from their feelings of platonic and familial love  — while older succubi would often — but not always — get their food from their romantic and sexual partner(s).

More important, were the two completely new pieces of information:

1. Every succubi and incubi had at least one demonic parent
2. Demonic gender was way too advanced for me

The first point I wasn’t ready to think about. The second I managed to summarize and simplify enough for me to understand: not every succubus was born girly and not every incubus was born manly, and there was a bunch of variation in sexual characteristics across the two races, but generally succubi were more feminine while incubi were more masculine.

What it all meant was I had an infographic made for confused teenagers explaining to me it was totally okay for me to be a woman, which was a strange experience, but perhaps it was necessary for someone like me.

I’m really, really hungry…

I hadn’t been very prudent about my energy usage, and that meant I needed to eat. The question was who to eat.

I felt bad for brushing Sophia off on Sunday, but I also felt bad for ditching Amber Saturday morning and turning off my phone so she couldn’t text me. 

Lastly, I felt guilty for ignoring Chris, who was quite a bit behind on my adventures, given I’d only been seeing him in class, where I didn’t want to talk about demon stuff.

Sophia might be busy, talking with Amber would require emotional energy I didn’t have, but catching Chris up on everything might actually be fun.

I got dressed as human Lily, wearing my unwashed dress. Maybe I can get him to take me clothes shopping too…

—

In retrospect, showing up at Chris’ dorm room with no warning, wearing a very short dress, was probably not my smartest idea. It hadn’t occurred to me that he had a roommate – someone I hadn’t met yet – nor had it occurred to me until I knocked on his door that he could have someone over.

Thankfully, I wasn’t subjected to that torture, but I was introduced to his roommate, who answered the door, a short scruffy guy with long, thick sideburns. He sneered at me, turning up his nose, “What’d ya want?”

“Uh, is Chris in?”

His eyes narrowed, “And what does someone like you want with him?”

“We’re friends…? I came to chat?”

A voice echoed over his shoulder, “Derick, who are you harassing out there?”

I slid past Derick while he was distracted, ignoring his yelp as I pushed him out of the way. 

“Hey, Chris.”

He was leaning back in a loveseat, phone in hand, wearing boxers and nothing else. My eyes roamed all of his exposed skin, all of the different rich, coppery tones – not to mention his muscles, which all bulged in a way that Amber’s didn’t.

“Oh, I wasn’t expecting you, Lily.” He blushed, curling in on himself slightly as if it would cover up his body, “Let me get dressed.”

“It’s not a big deal,” I shrugged. I wasn’t going to complain if he didn’t bother.

Unfortunately he did, leaving me in the living room to be scowled at by Derick for a minute, before Chris came back and ushered me into his room.

“Have you talked to Amber?”

I grimaced, “Uh…”

“Lily…” He chastised, shaking his head. He sat down on the edge of his bed, the mattress springing under him, and typed into his phone. “I’m going to at least let her know you’re okay – she’d been worried about you.”

I then caught him up on some of the things I’d been up to, skipping over some of the gory details about my ‘feedings’. He didn’t seem surprised about the bureaucracy surrounding demonic students, but he was surprised about some of the specifics of what I’d found out about succubi – namely the revelation that one of my parents was a demon. 

“Damn, I guess I’d never thought about where demons came from,” Chris said, shaking his head. 

He was sitting in the middle of his bed, cross legged, while I did the same across the mattress.

“And you weren’t surprised they existed in the first place?” 

“Nah,” he waved his hand dismissively, “So what else is up?”

I'm too hungry to bother with thinking about the implications of that… 

I grimaced. “Well, I am kind of hungry…”

His brow furrowed, “There aren’t any parties for me to take you to on a Tuesday night – well, not any good ones.”

I nodded slowly, “Yea… I know that…”

Chris’ expression shifted, a twitch of his mouth that suggested he might be holding back a smile. “Lily, I’m going to need you to be direct, I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at here.” His voice was full of faux concern.

I glared. “Let me suck your dick, asshole.”

After a crooked smirk from him and a brief repositioning from both of us, I was on my knees on the floor, while he was sitting on the edge of the bed, pantsless. I could’ve easily done this while remaining on the bed, but it seemed more natural for me to be on the floor like this. 

I’d transformed to my true form and was therefore completely naked – the pamphlet had information about manifesting clothing, but it wasn’t something I’d practiced yet.

His member was around the same size as the strap Amber fucked me with, rather unimpressive given that she had alluded to a larger one. 

I kissed the tip, somewhat in awe at the fact that this was something I was doing, something I was enjoying. My mouth explored, taking in the taste of his sweat as it mingled with the scents of his arousal and the ever-present sweetness.

Although I'd had a penis for a couple decades, my movements were clumsy and unpracticed due to my long-standing self-denial. While I had been getting more experience recently, most of my experience was in having people do things to me, and this was turning out to be too much freedom for my tiny brain.

I tried to take him into my mouth but fumbled, bumping my fangs into his length and causing him to wince. Even with the benefits having a supernatural body afforded me, I was terrible.

“Lily, stop moving and hold your mouth open as wide as you can.”

I obliged, staring up at him as he took charge of the situation. 

Chris grabbed the back of my head, holding me in place, and slid his dick into my mouth, coating my tongue in his musky wetness. He didn’t stop, never finding the back of my mouth and instead smoothly fitting his tip into the entrance to my throat. I remained stoic as my nose met his hips, not coughing or gagging.

“Now bring your lips together without moving your teeth.” 

He let out a groan when I listened, also trying to swallow my building saliva at the same time, massaging his tip with the muscles in the back of my mouth. 

I hummed, enjoying the feeling as he slid out of me and back in, slowly fucking my face while holding me in place, completely in control. I was almost completely useless, able to move my tongue a bit and play with myself using my tail, but impotent when it came to pleasuring him of my own accord.

My eyes roamed the constantly shifting scene as my face was moved forwards and back, taking in the sights with a detached bliss. There was the dog hair all over his bedsheets, his belly button – an outie if I’d ever seen one – and the fluffy grey rug that was now collecting my drool below me as my mouth started to drip.

Chris grunted above me, shifting my attention back to him, and I got the pleasure of watching him come undone. In a few moments his expression shifted from smirking down on me to pure ecstasy, head thrown back and mouth hung open in a silent scream. 

He buried his cock in my throat, filling me with energy as he spilled his sweet semen into my stomach. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation of being filled – both in the sexual sense, and in the sense of refilling my energy. Unfortunately, my own pleasure had never built to orgasm, but it had been an enjoyable experience nonetheless.

Now that my excuse of needing energy was gone, however, I quickly transformed back to my clothed, human self, wiping my mouth after he released me. 

I smiled up at him. “So, want to take me clothes shopping?”