Heretical Fishing

Book 2: Chapter 24: Breaking Bread

I shook so hard with laughter that my legs collapsed beneath me. Snips and Claws made their way to me, chirping and hissing their delight as they leaned against me. Barry laughed harder than I’d ever seen—he took shallow, halting breaths, trying to get oxygen to his lungs as tears streamed from his eyes.

I lay on my back in the sand, delighting in the shaking forms of Snips and Claws as they similarly lost themselves to mirth. Minutes must have passed, and when I sat back up, the grandiose posture of the fishing club expedition had deflated.

“I’m—I’m sorry.” I wiped tears from my eyes. “We’re not laughing at you.”

“Then what are you laughing at?” Keith’s face was red, and his lips were pressed into a firm line. He turned his anger on Barry. “You. Who even are you? Why is Fischer’s neighbor laughing at a royal?”

Theo snorted.

“What happened to the Keith that said ‘the monarchy is nothing but a farce set up to suppress the common folk’?”

“I’m annoyed, all right?” he snapped. “I don’t understand what’s going on!”

I walked toward the fire, sat down before it, and gestured for them to follow. As everyone took a seat, I smiled at the ridiculousness of the situation I found myself in.

“I introduced Barry as my neighbor. That’s true, but he’s also something else.”

“Oh! He’s a cultivator too?”

“No—wait, yes. He is.” I made a dismissive gesture. “But that’s not what is important. Barry, behind my back and with the help of Sergeant Snips, started a cult. Or a church. I’m still not too sure, but that’s by design.”

I watched them closely, scanning for a hint of annoyance or malice, but all I saw on their faces was disbelief.

“Remarkable,” Ellis said. He picked up his pencil and watched the farmer intently. “What gave you the idea, Barry? How did you conclude that to be the correct course of action?”

“Timeout!” I held up a hand. “It’s a long story, but—wait, it’s not a long story at all. I wanna know as little as possible about the whole cult thing Barry has going on. I told you he set it up in secret, right? That’s because he knows me, and he understands that all I want to do is fish and make friends. You guys are more than welcome to discuss cult stuff, but I’d prefer it be done while I’m not around.”

Ellis’s eyes locked onto me, and he lowered his book, stroking his beard with one hand.

“You don’t have any desire to shape and mold the direction of your own church?”

“Not even a little bit.”

Barry smiled at me.

“We thought we were being sneaky, but Fischer knew we were doing it for quite a while and turned a blind eye.”

I snorted.

“That’s a nice way of putting it. In truth, I was putting my head in the sand and pretending my problems didn’t exist. That ended up being a mistake—I accidentally obliterated a tree in front of a friend of mine and—”

“A friend?” Barry interrupted, his eyes glittering.

“Oh, shush. The point is, pretending it wasn’t happening only caused me grief. So I let Barry know that I knew, and I’ve asked him to inform me if anything happens that would put anyone’s life at risk. Short of that, I’m blissfully unaware.” I took a deep breath and exhaled with a sigh. “It’s quite nice, really.”

Theo slapped Keith’s arm.

“I told you Fischer was a good man, didn’t I?”

Keith scowled at him.

“Are you saying that was all the truth?”

“It was.”

“A real crown auditor...” Barry said. “It’s true you can tell if someone is lying?”

“I can.”

“That would prove more than a little useful.” Barry rubbed his chin, and I could almost see the schemes coming together in his head. “Would you be willing to—”

“Barry.” I gave him a flat stare. “I’m still here, mate.”

“Oh. Right. My bad.”

Danny chuckled. It was deep and rough, like he’d spent a lifetime yelling at the top of his lungs, which I suppose may have been the case for a man organizing the guards of a capital city.

“It looks to me like we’ve made the right call in coming here.”

A smile crossed all of their faces; their joy was infectious, and I joined in.

“Now that all the boring details are taken care of, should we talk about the actually important stuff?”

Theo frowned, cocking his head to the side.

“What do you mean?”

“What else could I mean?” My smile transformed into a conspiratorial grin. “I’m talking about fishing.”

“You’re always talking about fishing!” a feminine voice called from the darkness.

Everyone’s heads turned, and when Maria strode around the headland, her skipping steps came to an abrupt end.

“Oh. Er... hi?”

“Everyone, this is Maria.”

“Fischer’s ‘friend’,” Barry added.

“’Friend’?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

“He’s teasing—forget it. Maria, remember how I told you about Theo?”

She slowly nodded.

“I do.”

“And remember how I told you he was part of a fishing club in the capital city?”

Her eyes went wide and her face lit up.

“No. Way! Which one is Theo?”

He raised his hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Maria. I—”

“What kind of fish did you catch in the capital?” she interrupted, unable to contain her curiosity as she dashed to join the circle. “What kind of equipment do you use? What bait? Are there eels so far up? Wait, what kind of water do you fish in?” She vibrated with excitement. “I have too many questions! Where do I even begin?”

“Ah,” Ellis said with well-worn smile lines crinkling his eyes. “A woman of culture. It’s always a joy to meet another fishing enthusiast.”

“Why don’t we catch up and compare notes over some dinner?” I suggested.

Before anyone could answer, I turned and strode into the darkness. When I returned to the light of the fire, I was met with a wall of confused faces. The first to recognize what I held was Corporal Claws, and she let out a shrill chirp as she launched herself at me. She landed on the cage and put her eye right up to one of the gaps, peering wide-eyed at the oysters within.

“I have a job for you, Claws. Are you up to it?”

She chirped again and snapped a crisp salute.

“I knew I could rely on you. You know where the oyster cages are, right? I think we’ll need at least one more for the—”

She leaped from the cage. The moment she hit the sand, lightning engulfed her body and she zapped out of sight, flying directly toward the ocean.

“By Zeus’s regal beard...” Danny said, his face blanching.

“You...” Theo swallowed. “I knew you weren’t lying when you said Corporal Claws wielded lightning, but this...”

Maria, Barry, and I exchanged amused glances as the men went silent, the only sound that of Ellis’s pencil scratching away on his notepad.

“I guess this might kind of encroach on culty churchy duties,” I said to Barry. “I assume it’s all good if I give them oysters?”

Barry nodded immediately.

“Of course, though we should probably warn them...”

“Warn us?” Theo asked. “About what?”

“Oh, nothing major.” I shrugged, fighting to keep my face straight. “It’s just that the food I make kinda causes people to become cultivators?” I pointed at Cinnamon, who was curled up in Maria’s lap and enjoying a good scritching. “Creatures too, obviously.”

Another silence stretched, and one by one, the fishermen turned to stare at Theo, whose eyes never left me.

“He’s... telling the truth.”

Ellis’s arms trembled, and the tip of his pencil snapped against the pages of his pocketbook.

“The texts said nothing of this...” he mumbled, his eyes going distant. “The implications of such an ability...”

I shrugged.

“Yeah, I try not to think too much about it, but if you guys were planning to start a cult or a church for me, I’m guessing you’ll want to join Barry’s. He has a bad habit of helping people become cultivators. I assume you were going to turn them with your magical juice, mate?”

“Wait, what?” Maria looked around the circle, then burst into laughter. “You came here to start a church? Oh, man—I wish I was here to see your faces when you realized Barry beat you to the punch.”

With a rueful smile, Barry nodded.

“Assuming they wanted to join, I would have offered for them to ascend, yes.”

Ellis, still looking into the far distance, closed his pocketbook with a sigh.

“I may need to think on this more...”

“Not me!” Peter almost yelled. “I get to try new food and wield lightning? Sign me up!”

“Aye,” Danny agreed. “We’ve come this far, so we may as well go all the way.”

Theo gave me a strained smile.

“I might consider it a while.”

“Me too,” Keith agreed, his complexion pallid and troubled.

I nodded.

“There’s no pressure—it’s totally up to you guys. You can have as little or as much as you like.”

“Are... are you going to season them?” Maria asked.

“I am. I’ve already planned a few different flavor combinations to—”

“I’ll get the spices!” she interrupted, sprinting for the house.

Theo’s head darted to the side at her explosive exit, and he slowly turned to face me, the question clear on his face.

“Yep,” I answered. “She’s a cultivator. Maria isn’t a member of the church, but as you can tell, she’s pretty keen on my cooking.”

Ellis stared after her departure.

“Astounding...”

“If you think that’s good, mate,” Barry said. “Wait until you try Fischer’s food.”

***

With each oyster I shucked, my hopes were dampened a little further. Considering the Xianxia shenanigans I had grown used to, I half expected each mollusk to contain a pearl—that wasn’t the case.

Am I really annoyed that each oyster—of which I have hundreds—doesn’t contain a stone worth more than a farmer might make in a decade?

I shook my head at myself and strode over to the fire with twenty freshly shucked mollusks.

“Where I’m from, it’s pretty normal to eat them raw, but it’s definitely not for everyone—just ask Barry.”

“Not for everyone,” he agreed, grimacing.

I laughed.

“It might be a bit of an acquired taste, and they’ll definitely taste better to the vast majority of people when cooked and seasoned.”

“Do you have any formal training?” Peter asked, peering down at the raw oysters.

“Not at all, but I’ve unlocked the cooking skill and leveled it a fair bit.”

“All right, that’s enough.” Theo crossed his arms and frowned at me, but I saw the hint of a smile on his face. “You’re hitting us with too many knowledge bombs for one evening.”

“Not at all,” Elis countered, sharpening his pencil. “Please continue. You say you have skills?”

“Yeah, the System or whatever seems to have started working again over the last few days. I’m pretty sure I was constantly gaining skills, but it only started listing them recently. Before that, it just said some bullshit about ‘insufficient power’.”

Ellis finished sharpening and blew on the tip of his pencil.

“That is... troubling,” he said, scratching away at his pad. “If it’s happening everywhere, that could mean we have to—”

“Hey!” I interrupted. “No scheming, planning, or plotting in my presence!”

“Oh. Right. My apologies.”

“It’s all good. So, who wants to try the oysters?”

Snips and Pistachio scuttled forward first, each of them noisily eating one. Rocky had returned, and he remained on the sand, claws crossed and attempting to look unimpressed, but his eyes were glued to the mollusk Snips ate beside him.

“Help yourself, Rocky.”

He turned his head away, but Snips nudged him forward, and with her suggestion, he scuttled forward and snatched one. As he ate it, his facade of indifference shifted to genuine bliss, and Maria and I shared a smirk at the cantankerous crab.

I grabbed an oyster, as did Maria and Peter.

“I think I’ll wait for the cooked ones,” Danny said, scrunching his face at what was clearly an unappetizing sight.

I ate mine first. As fresh as they were, there was no hint of the ammonia flavor that could sometimes accompany raw oysters. I watched Maria closely—her face bunched up, then she chewed and quickly swallowed.

“Yeah, I don’t know how I feel about that...”

“Interesting...” Peter said, biting down on the oyster in his mouth. He tossed his head from side to side. “Not a great texture, but the flavor has a lot of potential.”

My eyes lit up.

“You like it?”

He nodded.

“I can see why it’s off-putting to some, but I didn’t hate it.”

“Mate, anything short of downright despising it on your first try is a good sign. You and I are going to get along.”

“Is it alright if I have another?”

“Help yourself!”

Everyone but Maria grabbed another, and as I was just lifting one to my mouth, a chirping from behind me drew my attention.

My favorite otter had returned, beaming a needle-sharp grin and dragging another cage across the sand.