Heretical Fishing

Book 2: Chapter 23: The Fishing Club

With the wind at his back and butterflies in his stomach, Theo strode across the sand.

His closest friends in the world were at his side, and despite how different the men could be, they were unified under a single ideal. Five men of different stations, with different backgrounds and ambitions, had become the closest of allies since finding each other on that one fateful day so long ago.

No words were needed as they strode toward the southern headland. They spied a fence, and Theo whistled at the size of it; Fischer had been keeping himself busy. As they let themselves in, Theo cast his gaze around for Fischer’s home, but saw nothing that denoted a house.

“You’re sure this is where he lived?” Ellis enquired.

“I’m sure. He said by the rivermouth...”

“There,” Peter said, pointing at the rocky headland as he shifted his bag onto one shoulder.

“I don’t see anything, Four,” Keith said, squinting.

“We’re here now—call me Peter again. There’s a hint of light coming from behind the headland, likely a fire.”

Theo looked closer, and sure enough, now that the sun had set further behind the western mountains, a soft orange light flickered to the right of the large rock.

Something had appeared in front of them; a small bunny blocked their path forward, and it stared at them intently with its ears alert.

“What are you doing out here, little one?” Peter asked, shifting his bag to the other shoulder.

Danny, the man formerly known as Five, squinted at the unmoving creature.

“... why isn’t it running away?”

The bunny responded by going back on its haunches and stretching its forelimbs in an entirely too human-like manner. It started boxing the air, unleashing little jabs as it ducked and weaved its head.

Keith took a step back.

“Oh, no—”

The bunny shot forward faster than Theo could register, and the next thing he knew, Keith’s unconscious body hit the floor. Ellis was next, and all Theo saw of the attack was a blur. All he could do was stare uncomprehending as, one by one, the rest of the men dropped bonelessly to the sand.

The bunny stared at Theo, cracked its neck threateningly, and grinned.

***

I smiled as I walked from the ocean with an entire cage of oysters on my back. The sun was setting over the mountains to the west, and I took a moment to appreciate the sky’s beauty. I grabbed my outer clothes from the sand and set off for home with thoughts of the feast to come fuelling my stride.

The warm glow of a lit fire greeted me as I rounded the headland from the northwest, and I squinted down at the illuminated ground. There were large grooves dragged through the sand.

Did someone bring whole trees for the fire? I wondered.

I heard a chirped and hissed conversation as I got closer, and a wide smile came to my face—Claws and Snips were here already. Then I heard Barry speak, and a sense of excitement bloomed. The last time I’d given the man an oyster, it had been raw and he’d found it disgusting. I had already mentally picked out some herbs to cook this new batch of oysters in—I couldn’t wait to redeem myself.

“G’day, everyone,” I said, stepping into view of the fire. “Have I got a surprise for you gu... what the fuck?”

Barry, Sergeant Snips, Corporal Claws, Private Pistachio, and Rocky were arrayed around a pile of lifeless forms. Atop the one in the center was Cinnamon. When she caught sight of me, she puffed up her chest, downright preening with pride.

I recognized the person she sat on.

“Theo?”

I dashed forward and lay my finger against his neck. When I felt a pulse, I let out my breath.

“Thank god...”

At my words, he stirred.

***

Theo was having the strangest dream filled with even weirder noises. A myriad of what sounded like animal calls that were periodically interrupted by human speech. He couldn’t make out any of the words, but then someone called his name.

“Theo?”

A hand touched his neck and the contact called to him. When Theo opened his eyes, his vision was blurry. There was a face right before him, and as he rapidly blinked, it came into focus.

“Fischer...?”

Lines of worry disappeared from Fischer’s face, and he let out a relieved laugh.

“Theo—long time no see, mate. How are ya?”

Before he could respond, something small leaped to his chest, and a bunny’s fuzzy little face took up his entire field of view. All at once, his memory returned.

He yelled wordlessly and scrambled backward on the sand. Fischer lay a hand on his shoulder; his firm grip held Theo still.

“You’re all good, mate. You’re not in danger.”

Fischer looked up and to the right.

“What the hell happened, Barry?”

Theo spun to see who Fischer was looking at; a man in farmer’s garb gave a rueful smile.

“Cinnamon found them inside your fence line. She knocked them out and came to find me.”

The bunny—whose name was apparently Cinnamon—let out a triumphant peep from atop Theo’s chest. He gulped.

“An ascendant creature... so it’s true...”

“What’s true, mate?”

“You’re a cultivator.”

Fischer opened his mouth and raised a finger. Theo saw the lie forming in the lines of his face, but then Fischer let out a sigh and nodded.

“Yeah, mate. I’m a cultivator.” His face moved almost imperceptibly, and anyone but a crown auditor wouldn’t have noticed the conflict etched in his features. “What are you doing here, Theo?”

Ellis bolted upright.

“No candles in the library!” he boomed, his voice deep and commanding.

He blinked and looked around, his brow narrowing lower and lower.

“Oh, uh… my apologies.”

“Ellis,” Theo said. “This is Fischer. Fischer, this is the leader of Gormona’s fishing club and the former head archivist of the royal library. The bunny’s name is Cinnamon, and she’s an ascendant creature.” He pointed at Barry. “That’s Barry. I don’t know him, but it seems he’s aware of Fischer’s status as a cultivator.”

Ellis looked at each of them as they were introduced, giving them a curt nod.

“A pleasure to meet you.”

I frowned at him.

“That’s all? You’re not surprised?”

“Well, I do have one question.” Ellis pointed over Theo’s shoulder. “Who are they?”

With his eyebrows lowering in confusion, Theo turned to the left. When he saw the faces staring at him, any chance of a coherent response fled.

***

Theo’s jaw went slack when his eyes landed on my arrayed animal pals, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. I still wasn’t sure what was going on, and I had more than a few questions, but I didn’t get the impression Theo was here for nefarious reasons.

“Everyone, this is my friend, Theo.”

Snips hissed and dipped her head.

“That’s Sergeant Snips, my ever reliable guard crab.”

Rocky gave him a rude gesture, and Sergeant Snips threw him out into the river.

“That was Rocky. He’s kind of a dick.”

Claws dashed forward and chirped a greeting. She dipped her head and pointed for Theo to rub behind her ear. He complied, his mouth still hanging open.

“That’s Corporal Claws, lightning wielder and resident prankster.”

Finally, Pistachio dipped his head. I noted the positioning of his claw—he was prepared to fire a blast on short notice if required.

“Private Pistachio is the stoic and trustworthy lobster.”

It was the other man, Ellis, that responded with the enthusiasm I had hoped Theo would.

“Amazing. Absolutely marvelous!” He removed a notepad from his pocket and started writing. “Unheard of. To have so many awakened creatures, all of which appear to be subservient. This is much better than we could have anticipated...” he trailed off, mumbling under his breath as he took notes.

“Er, I don’t really like the term subservient,” I said, rubbing the back of my head. “We’re more pals working together.”

Theo turned back to me, his eyes still wide. His mouth worked, but no words came out.

“I’m glad to see you again, mate,” I said. “But I have to ask again: why are you here?”

Ellis cleared his throat.

“I may be able to answer that.”

I nodded, looking at him properly for the first time. The easiest way for me to describe his look would be cracked-out Gandalf. He had the exact hair, beard, and a similar face, but he was mostly skin and bone. Even the robes all the men wore were giving off wizardy vibes.

“So, it all started when—”

“The bunny is awakened!” another man cried, shooting upright from his state of unconsciousness.

Cinnamon hopped into his lap and nodded her agreement; she was, in fact, awakened.

He stared down at her, his jaw dropping.

“We know, Keith, but she’s not a danger,” Theo said.

Keith was the youngest of the newcomers. Likely in his early twenties, the man had hair so blonde it was almost white, and a strong jawline that, even as I was watching, fell further open in indignation.

“Not a danger? She attacked me!”

“All right, you’ve got a point there. She’s not a danger anymore. She’s Fischer’s pet.”

“Not my pet,” I tried to correct, but Cinnamon shot me a venomous glare and punched one paw into another menacingly, so I held up my hands. “Okay, got it—you’re mine. My bad.”

“Also...” Theo pointed over his shoulder. “You should probably look behind you.”

Keith’s head snapped around fast enough that I thought he might get whiplash.

“Phobos’s lathered horses. Are they all—”

“Weevils in the wheat!” a fourth man yelled, jumping all the way to his feet.

“Isolate the grain immediately!” the fifth demanded, waking from his stupor and also launching upright. His face was bright red and his eyes darted around, presumably looking for said weevils.

“Whoa!” Theo stood and gestured for them to calm. “You’re fine. We found Fischer. See?”

He pointed to me, and I waved.

“G’day, fellas.”

“Where are the weevils?” The fifth man demanded, his breaths coming heavy.

Theo rubbed his eyes.

“There aren’t any Weevils, Danny. Peter yelled that in his sleep.”

Keith cocked his head.

“What’s the big deal with weevils? Aren’t they just bugs?”

“Just bugs?” Danny repeated, a firm line forming below his bald head. “They can decimate an entire city’s grain stores. They’re a damned plague.”

Theo turned to me and started explaining.

“Danny is—was the head quartermaster of Gormona’s guards.” Danny gave a curt nod. “The one that yelled about weevils is Peter; he was the sous chef in the royal castle.”

Keith sniffed.

“What about me and Ellis?”

“I already introduced Ellis,” Theo replied, smirking.

Before Keith could protest, Peter bellowed a laugh.

“I can introduce you, your nobleship. Keith is cousin to the main royal line, and seventeenth in line to the thro—”

“Sixteenth,” Keith corrected.

“Oh, my apologies, my lord!” Peter gave an exaggerated bow. “How could I have—Medusa’s pickled tit! Look at the size of that lobster!”

“Awakened creature!” Danny bellowed, pointing at Pistachio, whom they’d only just noticed. “Defensive positions!”

After things somewhat calmed down, what followed was a short round of introductions, reintroductions, and assurances that the animals arrayed before them were friendly.

“How can we know they’re safe?” Keith asked, watching them intently. “I came under the assumption that we were coming to meet a cultivator, not a crew of awakened creatures...”

“You don’t,” Barry answered. “If it makes you feel any better, if they had violence in mind, they could have at any moment disposed of and eaten you—you wouldn’t have even known it.”

Claws grinned and made a loud clack with her needle-sharp chompers. Keith audibly swallowed.

“All right, all right.” I shook my head at her, trying not to smile. “That’s enough messing with them for one day, Claws.” I spun back to the archivist, Ellis. “You said you could explain why you came here. You’re all awake now, so it seems like the perfect time, yeah?”

He nodded.

“I will keep this brief—I don’t wish to impose any further on such a magnificent one’s time.”

I held up both hands.

“You can drop the ‘magnificent one’ stuff. I’m just a regular bloke doing regular bloke things.”

He cocked an eyebrow, but Theo nodded.

“See? I told you. Tell him what you told us, Ellis.”

“Hmm.” He stroked his beard. “All right then. It all started when Theo returned from his trip to Tropica Village. He told us of a strange man that seemed to bend the world around him.”

I grimaced at Theo.

“What did I say that gave me away?”

“Nothing.”

“It was this...” Ellis rummaged around in his pocket and withdrew a leather pouch. He unfolded it, then held his hand up, displaying a single hook.

It was one of the hooks I’d created and given Theo. The campfire’s orange light gleamed off its curved edges, appearing as new as the day I’d made it.

“As an official of the royal library, I have access to restricted information. This hook, along with Theo’s description of its creation, made me and the rest of the fishing club test whether we could break it. Can you guess what happened?”

“I’m guessing it didn’t break?”

Danny grunted.

“The only thing it broke was one of my favorite hammers.”

“Precisely,” Ellis said. “Even for a regular cultivator from before the gods’ departure, such a creation would be quite a feat. Certain volumes listed in great detail what the cultivators of old could do, especially those called ‘travelers’. Do you know what that is?”

I sighed.

“I do.”

“Wait, you do?” Barry asked, his head rocking back.

“Yeah, mate—people that were isekai’d by truck-kun and transmigrated to another world, right?”

“... what?”

“I’m from another world. Keep up, Barry—you already knew that.”

Barry frowned at me, and I beamed a smile.

Ellis resumed stroking his beard.

“So, it’s true then?”

“It is, but you still haven’t answered why you came here.”

“Nor,” Barry added, “why it was with such a collection of important people: the royal library’s head archivist, a crown auditor, a royal chef, the capital’s quartermaster, and an actual royal. Forgive me saying so, but what you’ve said so far doesn’t add up.”

I gave Barry an appreciating glance. My man was spitting straight facts.

“Yeah—and that.”

“I suppose I should get to the point, then.” Ellis’s eyes bore into me. “We have abandoned our kingdom. We have left our posts, and if we are ever caught, our lives are forfeit. We have done all this for a singular purpose...”

Ellis stood taller, as did the other men. He took a deep breath, cast his gaze over everyone, then narrowed his vision on me, commanding attention.

“We have come to start a church and raise you, Fischer, to the pantheon.” He steepled his fingers before his face. “We wish to make you a god.”

A silence stretched over the sand. The wind seemed to vanish, and even the campfire’s flames dulled. No birds could be heard overhead, and even the waves gently lapping at the shore stilled.

Barry and I looked at each other—we erupted in laughter.