Winter Swan

Chapter 40:

Nothing changed.

No matter how angry he became, his feelings for her wouldn’t go away.

The deeply seeded light in his eyes was for her and it wouldn’t disappear.

Even now, Kail was silently whispering to her.

He was asking her to take his hand.

He was telling her that he still wanted her.

He was looking down at her with his arms crossed intimidatingly, but Silje could still see it. Kail was still seducing her like the night sky.

A cold and calm voice.

“You are the one who said you can take care of yourself, yet here you are. You’ve gotten me involved again. Don’t you think you should’ve done a better job to prevent something like this?”

A threat. A warning.

It cut her like a knife. It was an attack. Despite his feelings for her, Kail was still the cruel king. There was no kindness in him.

Silje looked at her aching wrist before locking her eyes with his.

“I will apologize for this. For bringing you into this annoying situation. But as you can see, it was not my intention to get you involved.”

“And can you guarantee that something like this will never happen again in the future?”

He refused to give her a break. His sharp tone made her heart ache and at the same time, she still couldn’t destroy her attraction to him. She wouldn’t admit it or else she would be admitting defeat.

With a matching coldness in her voice, she looked straight into his eyes.

“Guarantee? All you have to do is just ignore me like I’m invisible. Like I don’t exist. It’s very simple, really.”

“Ignore you like you’re invisible?”

He gave her a nasty smile before roughly pushing her against a wall.

Slam!

With a loud sound, Silje’s face became pale.

Kail looked down at her quietly.

“You are throwing oil into the fire. You are making me burn even more.”

“What?”

“Your confidence. Your cool manner. You must not realize that your calm attitude makes me even angrier.”

Even after his warning, Silje refused to surrender. If she showed him any hesitation now, Silje knew Kail would eat her alive. There was no place to go for her except forward.

“Don’t get angry because of me. That is the last thing I want from you.”

When she refused to back down, Kail’s expression became strange. With a vehement fierceness, he pulled her into his arms. He then covered her eyes with his hand and whispered as if in pain.

“Can’t you feel this?”

With such an agonized voice, he was clearly suffering. Was it because of her?

Kail looked into her eyes and asked, “Can’t you feel it? I feel...like this because of you... Is it just me? Am I the only one who sees what we have? My body burns because of you. I feel the fire on my skin. Is it just me?”

Silje panicked.

“What? What is it that you feel?”

“You. I keep thinking of you. I burn for you. The thought of you causes me so much pain, like a hot poker stabbing me. I have been suffering since the day your wrist was cut.”

And with that, he refused to say any more.

This was it.

He desperately wanted to ask her if it was the same for her. If she felt the same way. He wanted to scream at her, but he refused to do it.

It was the last of his pride that kept him from asking her.

Kail just stared at Silje. With his arms crossed, he gave off coldness, heat, desperation, and pride all at the same time.

This was the real Kail. The cruel king of Bestrum Videregaende Skole.

“...”

She hesitated at her confused feelings, but she couldn’t let them make her weak. With the last of her strength, she fought back against him and against her own feelings.

“Kail Bruntland, I don’t understand what you are talking about.”

It was a blatant lie.

After looking into his eyes, there was no way she didn’t feel it either.

The same feelings.

The same pain and passion.

Just looking into each others’ eyes and feeling each others’ breaths, the brutal attraction was palpable in the air.

“...”

Despite it all, Silje looked away stubbornly.

Slowly, Kail’s expression changed. He begged her to admit it, but he was rejected.

The door to his heart slammed shut again and his face turned cold and rigid.

“Then get lost!”

Kail pushed her away roughly and walked away.

Dumbfounded, Silje stood still. She could still feel his intense stare on her skin.

Her arm hurt after he pushed her away.

Away from her.

This was a good thing. This was what she wanted.

But as she watched him leave, Silje frowned. Alone in front of the storage building, she should’ve felt freed, but she felt even more trapped.

Her mind became foggy with frustration and sadness, and she knew this feeling wouldn’t disappear easily.

Biting her lips, Silje ran towards where he disappeared, towards the back of the building.

Out of breath, she looked around frantically and found Kail walking away from her into the snowy night.

...Kail!

Silje silently watched his back as he continued to walk to his storage building.

She didn’t know why, but Silje knew that the image of him in the snow walking away from her was going to be seared in her memory for a very long time.

Silje returned home still feeling miserable.

The snow continued to fall and the smoke from the chimney indicated that the fireplace was on at her home.

When she opened the front door, the first thing she saw was Olga reading a book on the sofa. Silje dropped her backpack and said her greeting in a monotone.

“I’m home.”

Olga adjusted her reading glasses on her nose and glanced at Silje.

“Welcome back, Silje. Go wash your hands. Dinner is almost ready. It’s your favorite. Deep-fried shrimp. It’s on the table.”

“Thank you, Mom.”

Silje walked into the washroom.

Every time her adoptive parents did something nice, such as buying her clothes or making her favorite dishes, Silje made a point of thanking them even if it was something very small.

Silje washed her hands thoroughly. Olga was very adamant on cleanliness and organization. She vacuumed the house every day and demanded that everyone keep themselves clean. To appease her, Silje took long showers every day and put in a lot of effort to keep everything spotless.

Silje asked Olga, “Is father home yet?”

“Not yet.”

Olga took out the salmon from the oven and added sternly, “I think he is working late tonight. Valter went to his friend’s house so he should be back soon. Oh, Aunt Skina called today. It has been so long since I talked to her. I think the last time was on New Year’s Day.”

“Oh, the aunt who lives in New York? I hope she’s doing well. I’m going to go to my room now.”

After asking her adoptive mother to say hello to Aunt Skina if she called again, Silje went to her room.

After changing into more comfortable clothes, Silje put her hair into a tight ponytail. Olga hated seeing strands of hair on the floor, so Silje always made sure to clean her room and the bathroom thoroughly. She also kept her hair tied back as per Olga’s order. She considered perming her hair, but it was too expensive. Even Olga only permed her hair twice a year to save money.

During dinner time, Silje kept quiet. She wanted to talk about what had happened at school, but she knew it would only upset her adoptive parents, especially Frank. He must’ve had a stressful day at work because he looked troubled.

A home that was never really a home.

Silje never felt comfortable with her family in this house.

After dinner, when she returned to her room, she heard Frank mumbling in frustration. He was cleaning the washroom and he often complained that no one did a good job of keeping it clean.

Silje felt frustrated at everything. She opened the window for some fresh air.

The cold air hit her face. Looking up at the dark night sky, Silje murmured, “...I want to get away from here.”

She quietly opened her desk drawer. Inside the old map book was the money she had been saving.

Someday, she was going to leave this place. She could go anywhere. Sweden, Denmark, or maybe...

Whenever she felt hopeless, she took out her money and reminded herself.

“Soon... Very soon...”