Book 9: Chapter 33: People Are Confusing
It took three days before Sen was satisfied that they’d collected enough beast cores. Rather, it would have taken them a handful of hours to collect what he thought he’d need for the assault on the Twisted Blade Sect. He wanted to make sure that they’d have enough to help fend off a dedicated assault on the Academy compound while he was gone. That had eaten up most of the rest of their time. He didn’t think an attack would come while he was away this time. There was going to be too much irresistible force nearby with Master Feng and Auntie Caihong there. But a lot of things I never thought would happen had come to pass, so what the hells do I know? Better to be prepared, he thought.
Everything had changed when he’d caught the presence of something interesting flickering on the outer edges of his spiritual sense. He’d shot after that elusive feeling with Falling Leaf following on his heels. It had taken half a day to finally catch the spirit beast that Sen had sensed. The only reason that they’d been able to find it at all was because Sen and Falling Leaf had strong shadow affinities. But there it was. A shadow stag. A quick look at Falling Leaf showed a look of almost desperate need in her eyes. That answered that question. She could use the thing’s core to help her advance.
“Should we try to talk first?” asked Sen.
“Why?” asked Falling Leaf. “It’s not like it will understand us.”
“Why wouldn’t it?”
Falling Leaf spared him a look that said she thought he was being intentionally annoying. That look faded when she seemed to realize he was being serious.
“It’s not self-aware,” she said. “You can’t tell?”
“No,” said Sen in a distracted tone. “I’m surprised. I thought sapience came with advancement.”
Falling Leaf scrunched her face up in a way that reminded him a little of Ai. A thought he decided was probably best kept to himself. The ghost panther appeared to struggle to find the proper way to convey something before simply giving up on the effort.
“It does, and it doesn’t. It takes more than just growing stronger. You need the right things to happen the right way.”“Like what?”
“If the ones who birth you are aware, you are more likely to be aware. Eating the right plants or animals at the right times can trigger it. If different for every kind of spirit beast.”
Sen nodded. He could sort of understand that. Alchemy was like that to an extent. You needed the right combination of plants and reagents to make it work. Leave something out and the process will fail.
“But how can you tell the difference?” he asked. “Between the aware and unaware.”
She shrugged and said, “You just can.”
“Maybe you just can. I can’t.”
“Try harder,” said Falling Leaf in a tone that almost made it a question.
Sen shook his head. If only that was the solution to everything. In any case, it was obvious she didn’t know or didn’t know how to explain the method for telling the difference. He looked at the shadow stag for a moment.
“Well, let’s go collect a core,” said Sen.
Unlike with the enormous stone boar, Sen wasn’t trying to test anything. The fight was over almost before it started. He was surprised when he offered the core to Falling Leaf. She shook her head.
“I can’t use it now,” she said.
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“Well, that’s fine. Just hang on to it until you can.”
She shook her head again and took a step back.
“It’s too much temptation. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from trying to use it if I had it. Keep it for me,” she said.
Those last words had an almost pleading quality. Sen looked from her to the core in his hand. It was potent. If he was eager to advance, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to resist the temptation either. He’d just gotten so tired of advancing that he found restraining himself with natural treasures, pills, and anything else related to advancement to be particularly easy. With a flicker of will, he stored it in a storage ring. A look of relief crossed Falling Leaf’s face.
“I haven’t forgotten about what I said,” he told her. “About finding a way to help you advance faster.”
“I know,” she said.
“I’ve been working on it. I just don’t have anything that I’d trust yet,” he continued. “I don’t want to kill you while I try to help you.”
He felt the need to explain himself like he hadn’t been doing enough. He supposed that was just guilt talking. If he hadn’t taken on so many other things, there would have been more time to research and experiment. That’s what his conscience kept insisting on telling him anyway. When he looked back at his life, that really wasn’t accurate. There was always something going on, some crisis to attend to, or some threat to his life he couldn’t ignore. He just felt bad because he hadn’t solved this problem yet, and it clearly meant so much to her. He went to say something else until he saw the look on her face. She seemed… She was amused.
“You will either succeed or not. I trust that between you, the Caihong, and the madwoman, you will find the path. If I must be patient, I’ll be patient.”
He was relieved that she didn’t think he was just putting it off because he couldn’t be bothered. It was just complicated. Very few alchemists were interested in helping spirit beasts get stronger. It was an area with almost no research. There were no scrolls, no treatises of foundational knowledge, not even a diary that he could find. It wasn’t just him, either. He’d asked Auntie Caihong and Fu Ruolan about it, and neither of them knew of such a thing. It was, as far too many things in his life had become, uncharted ground. With Falling Leaf’s life hanging in the balance, he wasn’t going to make assumptions.
“We should head back. I’m sure Ai is very annoyed with both of us by now.”
“The kit is never happy when you are away,” agreed Falling Leaf. “Have you told her yet?”
“No,” said Sen. “I don’t want to lie to her about it, but I don’t know how to explain it to her either. If I tell her the truth, she’ll be afraid.”
“Perhaps,” said Falling Leaf. “I don’t know what’s best for her. Human kits are confusing and fragile.”
“That’s certainly true,” agreed Sen.
Falling Leaf gave him a startled look.
“She also confuses you?”
Sen laughed.
“Of course, she confuses me. She’s a person. People are confusing.”
“I don’t think she likes me very much,” said Falling Leaf.
Sen was stupefied at that announcement. He tried to make it fit with everything he’d seen of the two of them together. It didn’t make sense.
“Why would you think that?” asked Sen.
Falling Leaf seemed uncertain of how to answer the question.
“She doesn’t yell my name the way she yells Papa whenever she sees you. She always goes to you to answer questions.”
Sen thought that over for a moment before he shook his head.
“I see you’re confused. Ai loves you. She trusts you. It’s just a different relationship.”
“How do you know?”
“I know because she sits on your lap and falls asleep. Ai wouldn’t do that with anyone she didn’t trust. She's always concerned when you’re away. She asks all the time when Falling Leaf will be back. She’d be heartbroken if anything happened to you.”
“Oh,” said Falling Leaf.
Sen wasn’t sure if he’d reassured her or not, although her thoughtful look suggested he’d at least given her something to consider.
“Like I said. People are confusing.”
Falling Leaf gave that an emphatic nod. The pair started back toward the compound. Falling Leaf was quiet for most of the way. As they got close, Sen thought of an ongoing annoyance that refused to resolve itself.
“I don’t suppose those spirit beasts you made contact with have come to a decision yet?”
Falling Leaf’s expression soured.
“They are still considering your offer,” she said.
“I didn’t make an offer. I just told them how it was going to be.”
“That is what they’re considering. I think they’re trying to figure out a way to still get what they want.”
“They can’t get what they want. They must realize that.”
“They know. They just do not want to know. They are foolish. Dreaming of a world that will never be.”
“Are you going to meet with them again?”
“Once, perhaps twice more. If they cannot come to a decision by then, they never will. I refuse to waste more of my time on them if they cannot see the sun in the sky.”
Sen paused at that last turn of phrase. If they cannot see the sun in the sky. He’d never heard it before, even if the meaning was obvious enough. I might need to start using that, he thought. It’s such an interesting way to call someone an idiot.