Chapter 1358: Stop doubting your heart. Listen to it
She had been seeing David for a while, but nothing had changed. She still could not remember anything about him.
It was like the accident had wiped out every memory of her past from her mind. Now, all she could do was make a fresh start.
"Doc, why can't I remember?" She remembered asking her neurologist for a physical explanation. Did she damage a part of her brain that contains all her memories?
"I am sorry. But we don't see a neurological explanation for your condition." Her doctor told her. "As far as your tests had gone, you should have regained your memories."
"But the brain is still one mysterious organ. We still had many questions as to how it truly functions." The doctor added, which was not exactly the answer she wanted.
"Still, doctor, do you think I still have a chance to regain my past." She wanted some assurance or confirmation. But the doctor could not give her one.
"Only time can tell." It was not the answer she needed to hear, but that was all she got.
It meant there was a slim chance she could regain her memories, but also a big chunk she might not.
However, she could not help but wonder what would happen if she did remember her past. Would she like to recall her life before the accident?
Or would she be better off moving forward and starting afresh with her new life? Honestly, she had no clue. She was more confused every day as she struggled between her two paths.
"I don't know what to do." That was the truth as she stared at the mirror, trying to figure out the answer from her eyes. But there was none.
"What are you talking about, Rosella?" Her sister suddenly entered the room, hearing her soft outcry. "Do you need help with something?" Roseann asked as she moved closer.
"I can fix your hair if you want." Her younger sister offered as she stood beside her, facing the mirror.
She wished that was the only problem that she had. But her wet hair was the least of her worries as she had thought of what had bothered her since waking up that morning.
"It is not really what I need." She finally confessed as her sister grabbed the brush on the vanity table and stroked her still-wet hair with the gentle bristles.
She liked it when Roseann did these sweet and simple things with her. It felt like they were making new memories together. They were bonding.
However, she did not feel the pressure of connecting with her. It was like their relationship was easy. The progression was not that significant, but she was comfortable with it.
"Then, what is bothering you? You used to tell me things. Not everything, but I think you still trusted me enough with some of your secrets." Her sister informed her.
She could not tell if her sister was telling her the truth, but somehow, it felt right. Or maybe she did not see any problem with believing her. What would she lose if she accepted her words?
"I don't want to burden you any further. You are already doing so much..." But she could not finish as her sister stopped her.
"And I will never get tired of carrying your burden. Almost all my life, you had carried mine, so let me do this in return." Roseann said, sounding genuinely sincere with her words.
Besides, what reason did her sister have to lie to her? It just did not make sense if she could not trust her family. They were all she got.
"So, tell me, what is the problem." Roseann insisted as her sister stood behind her and stared at her through the glass mirror. "And don't bother hiding some of the details. I am good at deciphering them."
With the short time she spent living with her sister, she learned that Roseann was indeed intelligent. In their family, she was the first to finish college. And now, she was a doctor.
But based on her sister, Roseann would not have gone to school if not for her sacrifices. But then again, she could not remember anything about those.
Nonetheless, it was a memory she could live without. She did not want a constant reminder of her sacrifice because she felt it should not be like that.
No one should feel like they were sacrificing if they did something out of love.
"Ok." She expressed with a heavy breath, feeling like a ton of bricks were weighing down on her chest. "I..." She attempted to say, but something seemed to block her airpath.
Suddenly, she realized it was her as she forgot to release the air in her lungs. "I don't know if I should still keep seeing David."
There, she finally voiced out her concern. She had been thinking about that thought for days. But could not decide on what was best.
Although Rosella still felt something for him, she was unsure if that was enough for them to continue this relationship or whatever was between them.
Was she willing to push through with this affair, even if she had doubts and hesitations? Would she risk her fresh start for something she could not guarantee a happy ending?
"What are you saying?" Roseann sounded shocked by her confession as her eyes narrowed in her direction, looking at her like she had gone insane.
"I do not want to hurt him, but I don't know if I still love him." She finally admitted to her sister and herself what had been bothering her.
She had been thinking about this for a long time, probably since she learned about him after waking up from her coma. But she did not have the guts to say anything.
Or maybe she was guilty of hurting him after all the great things she heard about him. But could she keep him by her side because she felt obligated?
Or should she let him go because it was the right thing to do?
"That is understandable to have some doubts. Your memory has still not yet returned. But once it does, you will see the truth." Her sister responded with a look of certainty.
If only she could also feel like that, without a doubt, believe what her sister was saying. But unfortunately, her mind had more questions than answers. And she was afraid that she might never discover them at all.
"And what truth is that?" She asked. "But the more important question..." She paused while slapping her face gently as if that should wake her up from this uncertainty. "Will I ever remember what my life used to be?"
Honestly, she was starting to doubt the possibility. She felt it was easier if she accepted that she would never remember any of it at all.
"I still believe you will remember everything, at least the most important ones. You only need to have faith." She stated.
It was easier said than done.
"But what if I don't remember what we used to be? What if I don't learn to love him like I had loved him once before." Rosella asked her sister, wondering if she had the answer.
She finally pulled out from her tiny closet the dress she was supposed to wear for her date. Then, she placed the new flowery sundress Roseann had given her on the bed, staring at it for a few seconds.
"What if fate tells me this is the end of the road for us? That we are both better off as friends and nothing more. And eventually, we should go on with each other's lives without each other."
"What if..." She had many more what-ifs playing at the edge of her mind, just waiting to get voiced out.
"We can talk about all the what-ifs of this world, but we will never get all the answers." Roseann interrupted her incessant litany.
"But one thing I know is how much you and David loved each other. And you still do. I can still see it, even if you can't." Her younger sister said with what seemed to be a pain in her eyes.
"Do you want to know a secret?" Her sister suddenly looked away from the mirror and moved toward the small window of her room.
"What secret?" Suddenly, she was curious. She guessed she felt like a sponge. She would absorb whatever information was out there if that would help her fill her brain with memories again.
"I am not proud of my behavior, but just like you, I am human and capable of making mistakes." Her sister said, not sounding like she was about to say a revelation but more like a confession.
"You see. I am not proud to say this, but I never envied your life until you met David. I wondered how lucky you are to have a man like him.
But I was also happy for you because you deserved a man like him. However, the accident happened. Then, the amnesia.
Somewhat, a small part of me wishes you would completely forget David because I have fallen in love with him. But I also knew my feelings were wrong because he only had eyes for you.
And I genuinely believed in that heart of yours. You felt the same way about him. You just needed to dig deeper." Rosella commented.
So, stop doubting your heart, but instead, listen to it.