The Protagonist System

64 Adventures In Babysitting

November 30, 1981 was a date to remember. It was the day I received my very first fan mail. By first, I meant there were 136 letters and various packages in the castle's mail room. Both the butler named Butter and the maid named Moppy were ecstatic to have so much work to do. They cleaned and checked each letter and package and put aside the ones that had curses and portkeys.

I nodded at their diligence and told Butter to put them in a box to be sent to Auror Amelia Bones at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, since she was the only one not swayed by bribes or the pure blood mentality of superiority. I would add my own name to the box in a letter that thanked her for working to keep myself and others safe. In crayon, of course.

A lot of the cleared letters were thanks from witches and wizards for ridding the world of Voldemort. Surprisingly, there were two marriage proposals. The first one was from the Parkinson Family that I burned without responding to. If she was anything like she was in canon, Draco could have her all to himself.

The second proposal was from Greengrass family, since their negotiations with the Malfoy family had fallen through and they still wanted both the protection of a strong family name and the gold it would bring into their lives.

“I can't believe they actually admitted that they're selling their daughter! Ha ha!” I said and put it aside.

I knew it would be for Astoria, their second daughter. She was inflicted with their family's blood curse and was pretty much a throwaway daughter for them to marry off, because their eldest Daphne was the Greengrass Heiress and would need to keep the family name.

“Maybe I could pop by and give her a quick healing?” I asked myself, rhetorically.

I pushed that thought aside and went back to work. A lot of the letters didn't require an answer, so I would make up a form letter and would sign it with my own name in crayon. People always appreciated a personal touch, even if I was only 16 months old.

The first package I opened was a small one and had a pair of women's underwear inside. They weren't even lacy or anything, just plain white. Thankfully, they were clean and weren't stained. The note inside said she would wait for me to grow up, so she could add a few special stains to them.

I chuckled and put the note aside and thought about pranking her. I could send her a clean nappy back with a note saying she'll need it by the time I was old enough for her. I looked over at Butter and he gave me the same happy look back. That made my decision for me and I made a note of it and set the package aside.

The next package didn't have a name on it and it had a cake and homemade fudge inside. I immediately suspected it and waved Moppy over. She checked the food and it had potions inside keyed for loyalty to Albus Dumbledore in the cake and the Weasley family in the fudge.

I made note of them and added it to the pile to go to the DMLE. I was sure nothing would come of it, though. It wasn't like it was illegal to potion people with things like loyalty and love potions. I wondered if I could get something like that introduced in the Wizengamot and added it to the note to send to Amelia.

There were several stuffed toys and letters with genuine wishes for my health and happiness. Those would get a personal letter of thanks and maybe even a photo. I made another note to have one of the house elves buy a wizarding camera to start taking publicity photos. Like Gilderoy Lockhart would say in 12 years, celebrity is as celebrity does.

I laughed at that and hugged the plush kneazle, set it back in the box, and put it in the small pile of things that required personal letters. It was the last of the mail and I looked around at everything and wondered what was missing. After a few minutes of thinking about it, I realized what it was.

There was nothing from the friends and family of my parents.

There were no letters from Remus Lupin, my supposed honorary uncle. I knew he was a werewolf; but, it's been a month since Voldemort's defeat and there was nothing. Did Dumbledore interfere with that? It was a question I couldn't answer, since the mail redirect ward on my amulet was still keyed to Tom Riddle.

There was also nothing from my godmother, Alice Longbottom. I suppose that was understandable, since she had a baby to take care of and they had been attacked recently. But, and this was a big but, why wasn't she trying to find out where I was or who was raising me if she wasn't? Everyone knew that Sirius Black was in prison for killing Pettigrew, so my godfather wasn't raising me, either.

That gave me the idea I should pay Alice a visit to check her for potions and compulsions. I could also stop off at a particularly spooky prison for a visit, too.

“Nanny?” I asked and the house elf popped in front of me. “Where are Petunia and Dudley?”

“Mummy and little one sleeps in the nursery.” Nanny answered.

I smiled. “Perfect. Keep them that way until lunch. They both need the rest and I'm going out again.”

Nanny nodded and popped away. She popped right back and took my hand to lead me out of the mail room and back to my own. She helped me get changed into my noble outfit, cape and all, and then handed me my father's invisibility cloak.

“Great idea. This saves me from using too much magic. Thanks.” I said and put the cloak on. I left the hood down for now and we went down the hallway to the teleportation room. “I'll be back as soon as I can.”

“Donts bees tiring out too fast.” Nanny said and ran her little hands over the expensive cape before she stepped back out of the way.

“I'll be careful this time. I know my physical limits now.” I promised and she beamed a smile at me. I put a bit of magic into the teleportation circle and disappeared in a flash of light.

The Longbottom Manor was a stately old mansion and was well maintained, even though vines grew everywhere over the first floor's outside walls. I chuckled at the obvious green thumb the family had and that Augusta would have ignored in the future to get Neville into Griffindor.

I cast magic detection and found three magicals inside the house. One older woman, one younger woman, and a baby. Thankfully, Alice was within my spell range and I cast a diagnostic spell at her. It wouldn't be as detailed as if I was touching her, though.

I saw in my mind the simple results of a compulsion charm keyed to me and a recently ingested hangover potion. I had to smile at that, because it seemed they were still celebrating. I was tempted to remove the compulsion and shook my head. I had allowed Sirius to be arrested specifically so he wouldn't try to get custody of me. Alice was already ignoring my existence and I would leave it alone for now.

With the important visit out of the way and confirmation as to why Alice was not adamantly searching for me, I teleported to the coast where I suspected Azkaban Island was. A quick magical detection spell later, told me where it was and that the Dementors were lazily floating around the outside. I walked over to where the ferry was supposed to be and it was gone.

That figures. I thought and carefully used another detection spell to look specifically for the ferry. I found it at a small dock on the island and sighed with relief that it was still outside the Azkaban Prison wards. I put up the hood of my invisibility cloak, cast silence on myself, and teleported to the ferry.

The scruffy man at the helm was asleep and I carefully stepped off the boat onto the dock. I glanced around and didn't see anyone, so I took my time and walked up the short road towards the prison. I felt the wards as I passed through them and they made my bones ache, which was a weird feeling. It did give me the idea to create a teleportation circle inside the strong wards to bypass that feeling.

I walked partway around the shoreline and found a great spot. I created another teleportation circle and covered it with a light coating of dirt, smoothed it out, and tied it back to the first one. I barely felt any drain on my magic, despite the other one being across the country. That was awesome, because it meant I could make one at Hogwarts and could travel back and forth for almost no magic cost.

With that done, I took my time and walked back over to the short road and walked up to the prison. To my utter surprise, Andromeda Tonks was there with her seven year old daughter, Nymphadora. The handsome and well-endowed woman was in a heated argument with the warden and two Auror guards about being allowed to visit prisoners at least once a month.

The warden remained calm and argued back that Sirius Black was a convicted death eater, You-Know-Who's right-hand man, and had been caught killing his best friend, admitted to killing James and Lily Potter, and harmed a dozen muggles in the process of blowing up a muggle street, breaching the Statue of Secrecy.

I actually enjoyed myself as I stood there beside them and listened to both sides of the argument. The thing was, both of them were right and neither of them were going to win the argument. After ten minutes of them going back and forth and struggling to hold in my laughter at Nymphadora's increasingly bored face making different animal snouts, I had a wonderfully fun idea.

I walked back down the road and out of their sight, cast detection to make sure no one was around and could see me, and I took off my invisibility cloak. I changed my appearance to look like Harry Potter, famous scar and all, and put on my fake glasses.

I also created an official-looking letter from the Chief Warlock Albus Dumbledore to allow myself, and anyone with me, entrance to Azkaban to visit the betrayer of my parents. I added a slight compulsion to the letter so that whomever looked at it would see the official seals and things, too.

With my costume set and my back straight, I strode up the road as if I owned it, with my expensive cape billowing behind me in the wind.

Let me tell you, the shocked looks on everyone's faces almost made me burst out laughing. I thanked my system altered mind again for allowing me to keep my composure. Complete silence had fallen and no one moved or spoke as I walked over to them.

Little Tonks had made her eyes extra big and her mouth had dropped open about a foot. I winked at her and handed the letter over to the warden. The man cracked open the wax seal and opened the letter to read it. He let out a sigh at what it said and looked at me, at Andromeda, and back to me.

“Sowwy late.” I said and shrugged, which looked ridiculous because I was a baby.

The warden sighed and folded the letter to hand back to me. “You need to show that every time you come here to visit.”

“Kay.” I said and tucked the letter into my suit coat before I turned to Andromeda and held my baby arms up to her. “Up! Carry!”

Andromeda was an experienced mother and immediately scooped me up to stop me from making more of a fuss and sat me on her hip to hold me with one arm. It wasn't until the warden nodded at the Aurors and they opened the doors that she realized she was being allowed in. Her mouth opened and closed several times as we were brought inside and given a short lecture on what to not do while in the prison.

A single Auror escort went with us to the top level and he cast a patronus charm to keep the Dementors at bay and reduced their pervasive chill. Nymphadora held Andromeda's hand like it was a desperate lifeline and she would be forced to stay if she let go. I hugged Andromeda's neck and kept my face partially hidden in her long dark hair.

We were led to the last cell in the block and there he was, Sirius Black, a sad lump sitting on his small cot with a threadbare mattress.

“Black! You've got visitors!” The Auror called.

Sirius shook his head. “I don't want to see anyone. I don't deserve it after what happened.”

“So, you did do it.” Andromeda said, clearly disappointed.

The different voice didn't clue Sirius in and he didn't look over.

“They're dead because of me.” Sirius said and hung his head.

“Why, Sirius?” Andromeda asked. “What happened?”

Sirius shook his head again. “It doesn't matter. They're dead and it's my fault.”

Andromeda didn't look convinced and Nymphadora clung to her side.

I tucked my face by her ear and whispered. “Come back later?”

Andromeda nodded and looked at her cousin. She tried a few more times to speak his name and sighed, motioned to the guard, and we left the top level of the prison to go back down to the ground floor. She thanked the man for his help when he held the door open for her. The Auror smiled and nodded to her, bid her a good day, and closed the door behind us.

“That was scary!” Nymphadora said with a shiver as we walked down the road.

“It was terrifying and you were very brave to face it like you did.” Andromeda praised her and turned her head slightly to look at me. “It didn't bother you at all, did it Harry?”

I beamed a smile at her and tried to do my pose. “I, Harry Potter, best Harry Potter!”

Andromeda barked a laugh and Nymphadora giggled.

“Proof!” I said and took out the letter.

Andromeda came to a stop and held me carefully as she read the document that made the warden back off and let us in. She looked a little stunned at the wording and the blanket permission to visit the prison whenever I wanted. She looked at it, at me, and back at it.

“Go Christmas?” I asked and she sucked in a sharp breath. “Turkey for Pafoo.”

Andromeda closed her eyes for several seconds and her breathing evened out. She nodded and handed me the letter back. I put it away and she continued to walk with Nymphadora holding her hand, only she was more restrained by it instead of comforted by it.

We rode the ferry back to the mainland and the man gave Andromeda a wide smile and showed off a few rotted teeth. She didn't say anything and just flashed her wedding ring as she passed the man. He shrugged and sat back on his chair to wait for the next person to show up. We walked a short ways and Andromeda came to a stop to hug Nymphadora to her side.

“I hate this part.” Nymphadora said and held on tightly as she held her breath and closed her eyes.

I did the same thing and we apparated from there to appear in the backyard of a modest house in a rural suburb. Nymphadora made a gagging sound for a second, realized Andromeda wasn't holding her, and ran off like a racehorse out of the gate.

Andromeda laughed at her reaction and started to walk inside the house, then she paused and turned her head slightly to look at me still sitting on her hip and hugged to her side. She had apparently forgotten I was along for the ride and looked like she didn't know what to do with me.

“Andi funny.” I giggled my baby laugh. “Harry down.”

Andromeda looked conflicted about that for a moment and put me down.

I didn't run off like she expected and I reached up and patted her thigh. “Be back Chrissy day.”

Andromeda nodded and I walked off a few feet, waved, and teleported to the other side of her house and put up the hood of my invisibility cloak. I heard her shout and used magic detection to watch her search the backyard for me. She gave up after a few minutes and went inside.

I walked around the house to the backyard again and cast a notice-me-not on the back corner of the yard and quickly made a teleportation circle. I added the location coordinates to the others and used it to go back home to my castle. I let out a laugh at pulling a great prank and walked out of the room, still invisible, in case Petunia was around. She wasn't, so I went to my room to change.

I created more rolls of expensive cloth in different colors for the elves and Nanny popped in and scooped them up. She beamed a smile at me and popped away. I chuckled at that and started to undress. Nanny popped back in and helped me, quick as can be, and she popped me downstairs to hand me off to a happy Petunia. She hugged me, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and sat me in a high chair next to Dudley.

“ICE CREAM!” Dudley yelled when the bowls appeared in front of us. He let out a scream as he dug his beefy hands into the frozen treat. That didn't stop him from scooping it into his mouth, though.

I shook my head at him and held my hand out to the table. One of the spoons jumped to my hand and I started carefully using it. It took me a minute and two mouthfuls of chocolate ice cream to realize I was being stared at. I lifted my gaze from my bowl at saw Vernon and Petunia with shocked looks on their faces.

I couldn't resist doing what I did next. I scooped up a bit of ice cream, took aim, and flicked the spoon at Petunia. The bit of ice cream flew across the table and went right into her mouth. She jerked as if slapped and stared at me even harder as she swallowed.

“GOAALLL!” I said and put my little arms up into the air.

“GOAALLL!” Dudley copied me and giggled a baby laugh.

Vernon made an odd sound and his body shook slightly. He did it again and I was stunned. It was something I had never heard from him before or ever expected to hear.

It was a laugh. Vernon actually laughed. Petunia smacked his arm and he laughed again, leaned over to kiss her cheek, and went back to eating his ice cream. She shook her head at him, gave me a pointed look, and started eating hers as well.