Sorcerer’s Handbook

Chapter 87: The Weak Medical Mages

“To be honest, I’m the type who can’t pee when someone’s watching. Could you guys turn around for a second?”

“Is that so?” Igor glanced over with a slight upturn of his lips. “I see, no wonder.”

Ashe grumbled and cursed as he went into the stall.

Langna looked around with a bewildered expression. “What’s so special about this bathroom that it warrants the conman’s attention?”

“This bathroom is no different from any other bathroom. There’s nothing special about it,” said Igor as he wet his fingers and gently washed his eyes. “What’s special is that a bathroom can serve as a medium for us to trick the miracle chips.”

“Perhaps you know already, but before I was imprisoned, I was an insurance salesman – though my job wasn’t just contracting policies, marketing was also part of it. When I did marketing, I didn’t only market insurance. I had access to all kinds of products. In the end it was just work – I simply took on several jobs at once.”

Curious, Ashe asked, “Sounds ambitious. So why did you get caught and put in here?”

Igor sighed. “Well, I feel wronged about this too. All I did was help customers buy products they wanted, yet I got convicted of aggravated fraud.”

Langna suddenly said, “If I remember right, your crowning achievement was making a tycoon go bankrupt buying a glass of water.”

“A glass of water? Just plain old water?”

“Water is no ordinary thing. It’s the elixir of life, the origin of all life, the medium of miracles, the mother who nurtures the skies and the earth…”

Ashe completely understood now. Igor was the sort who could get full marks on interview questions like ‘Sell this pen to me for $1000’.

“Alright, there are no customer targets here for you. Tone down the sales pitch and just tell us how to use the bathroom to trick the chips,” said Ashe.

Igor glanced at him. “Among the products I used to broker, there was a life sign monitoring device. It could receive the life sign signals emitted by the miracle chips and analyze the user’s condition based on various vital signs. The device itself isn’t key. What’s key is that when I was studying how it worked, I discovered the miracle chips don’t continuously transmit life signals. There’s a certain interval, with the default being 600 seconds, or 10 minutes.”

“The frequency can be adjusted, but the higher the frequency, the greater the demands on the device receiving the signal. For example, the device I marketed – even the highest spec one could only receive a signal every 5 seconds. Without any markup, just the device itself was extremely expensive.”

“The prison chip processing unit that collects and analyzes our vitals is undoubtedly military grade, but even so, the prison wouldn’t waste resources having our chips transmit continuously. With the chip limits, we have no way to break out of Shattered Lake Prison.”

“The only effect even if the signal frequency interval is maximized is that it’ll take longer to discover if we suddenly die.”

“The only place in the prison that makes us continuously transmit life signals should be the Deathmatch Society arena. Because when we send out the unconscious or dead signal in a deathmatch, the arena will immediately restore our attack limits – this shows life signals are monitored in real time.”

Ashe felt this was important information, but still didn’t understand how to utilize it. “It’s certainly interesting trivia, but what’s the link to breaking out?”

Igor glanced at him. “If you removed your chip so it stops transmitting life signals, how do you think the processor would judge your status? Even corpses still emit signals, you know.”

Ashe understood at once. “It would judge I removed my chip and am escaping, and would instantly notify the prison there’s a breakout!”

“Right. But to escape, we have to remove the chips – otherwise we can’t even leave the island.”

Ashe nodded. When they observed the port earlier, they noticed a yellow line around the shore with a “Do Not Cross” sign.

Though it said ‘please’, for prisoners it was an absolute limit – the moment they touched the line with a toe, their bodies would completely freeze, unable to move.

“So during the time between ‘removing the chip’ and ‘the processor discovers our breakout’ is our safest action window. Not only are all limits removed then, but the prison doesn’t know anything’s amiss yet,” said Igor, looking around. “That’s the time gap we have to seize!”

“Figuring things out this far is the limit. As for the life signal frequency, we can only hope it’s the default 10 minutes.”

Langna said, “It’s already impressive. I thought this was just fooling around, but Igor, your performance makes me admit you’ve rekindled my hopes.”

Even Ronald kept nodding, his will to survive slightly awakening his reason again.

“As expected of the man I chose. My eye for people is great after all,” Ashe praised himself first, then asked, “But what’s the men’s bathroom for?”

Igor grimaced. “The purpose of a bathroom is naturally for excretion. Or do you have a hobby of eating in them? Please demonstrate if so.”

Speaking of his research over the years, Igor was also a bit proud. “Now we know we have to utilize the time gap from the chip signals. But there’s still an issue – how do we know when the last signal was sent?”

“The death row inmates definitely don’t all transmit simultaneously. That’s too great an instant load for the processor. So our signal times are likely evenly distributed within the 10 minutes. If the processor judges special circumstances, it’ll temporarily adjust signal frequency, then reset all inmate signals to initial state after midnight.”

“And the so-called special circumstances are really when the processor removes some of our privileges, so it needs our life signals immediately!”

“There are only three places in the prison where ‘special circumstances’ happen.”

Igor held up two fingers. “First is the Deathmatch Society. Because before a deathmatch, the chips remove attack limits; after a deathmatch, attack limits are restored. Those two times are when the processor interfaces with the chips. The chips need to instantly send life signals!”

“And after a deathmatch ends, the chips naturally revert to default frequency, sending the signals of the dead 10 minutes later. This means by intentionally entering the special place of the Deathmatch Society, we can change the chip frequency and completely control the time gap!”

Even Ashe fully understood now.

He looked around the bathroom, eyeing the urinal. “So the bathroom is the second place?”

Igor smiled. “Theoretically we could also use deathmatches to change the frequency, but they are fights to the death. The bathroom is much more convenient by comparison.”

“As for how a bathroom can achieve the same effect as the deathmatch arena, well, naturally it’s because…the prison doesn’t allow indiscriminate urination and defecation!” Igor and Langna burst into laughter.

Because the prison required inmates to only excrete in bathrooms, every time an inmate entered a bathroom, the prison processor would actively lift their “excretion privileges”!

Just like the deathmatch arena, it was a special status! Without that privilege, even if you were constipated to the point of bursting, the chip would forcibly control your sphincter shut tight, never letting a drop leak out the back end. If you really filled up, you could only vomit it out the top end.

For inmates, this was undoubtedly unspeakable humiliation. So Igor and Langna, long-term prisoners, couldn’t help guffawing – the harsh rule made by the prison had become an accomplice in their escape. Such a bizarre reversal was naturally funny.

Though just how much of their laughter was self-mockery, no one knew.

“What’s the third place?” asked Ashe.

Still smiling, Igor looked to Langna.

After thinking, Langna said, “The lovers’ rooms?”

Like the bathrooms, the lovers’ rooms also temporarily lifted some inmate restrictions, and even relaxed attack limits – after all, fetishes were freedom.

But like the deathmatch arena, lovers’ rooms required applications to enter, far less convenient than bathrooms.

And rooms needed two people minimum to apply. Langna and Ronald were one thing, but did Ashe plan on applying with Igor!?

Leaning against the wall, Igor said, “You know all the secrets you need to. I’ll now explain the breakout plan.”

“Aren’t we getting a fifth member?” asked Ashe. “We still lack rear support that can heal and move quickly.”

Langna the moonwolf beastman could be vanguard. Ronald was good at guns and traps for ranged damage. But their rear support to heal and lead swift movement was still missing after Ashe and Igor searched for two days.

What, you ask what Ashe and Igor are responsible for? Igor is HR, Ashe holds the core tech. They’re certainly not responsible for combat!

“We’ve searched everyone we could, can’t delay any longer. Not everything can be fully prepared before acting – rushed battles are the norm, since crime opportunities are fleeting. And,” Igor glanced at him, “even if we could wait, could you?”

Indeed, Ashe didn’t think Professor Sylphine outside would just let him be to peacefully serve out his sentence in Shattered Lake.

The sooner he left Shattered Lake, the sooner he’d escape Professor Sylphine’s schemes.

“The breakout plan is simple – sneak aboard the transport ship and leave.”

Igor wet his fingers and drew a small boat on the mirror. “But to safely board the transport, we not only need to remove the miracle chips, we also need legal identities.”

“Interestingly, there’s a group in Shattered Lake Prison that can directly board transports and leave without applying. And they’re people we can disguise as without drawing any suspicion -”

Igor drew a crow mask on the mirror.

“The weak medical mages.”