Second Try Idol

Chapter 264: Again After Rainfall (40)

Because the after-party lasted until late at night, I was extremely tired. All the members slept on the way to the airport. Considering my state during the transfer to the US-bound flight, being asleep was rather fortunate from my perspective.

However, contrary to my plan to remain exhausted, anxiety and fear prevailed over my sleepiness as we got closer to the airport. My mind became muddled. I couldn’t hide my discomfort, and breathing became difficult. If I didn’t deliberately inhale deeply, I felt as if I would suffocate and die. Thus, I kept taking deep breaths.

Jin-Sung noticed my unnatural breathing. He closed the window curtain and handed me a bottle of water with a concerned look. “Hyung, you seem uncomfortable. Should I get you some water? It might help."

I shook my head to indicate I was okay and pushed the bottle away. “I don’t think I can drink it. I will try a bit later... I just need to hold on until I can take my medicine and fall asleep..." I muttered in a voice only Jin-Sung could hear.

He pursed his lips, nodded, and continued to rub my back to soothe me until we reached the airport.

“Sigh…”

‘What’s making me so anxious? I've done this before. Nothing happened. It was over quickly when I slept through it. So, why?’

My thoughts always returned to that day. I could vividly remember the last moments before going back in time, that booming sound ending everything abruptly.

Joo-Han noticed the state I was in and looked at me through the rearview mirror. “Hyun-Woo, we are almost there. Just hang on a bit longer."

“It’s serious. Hyung, he’s having a hard time breathing," Goh Yoo-Joon said.

Su-Hwan passed him something. “I thought this might help," he said.

It was a portable oxygen can often used during concerts or long performances. It was passed hand to hand among the members and ended up in Jin-Sung’s palms, who then showed it to me.

“Hyung, do you want to use this?"

“…I really am a burden. I am so sorry..."

“Ah, come on, hyung! You’re not a burden. We’re family."

Jin-Sung didn’t want to hear me apologize over and over again, so he forcibly covered my mouth and nose with the oxygen mask.

Maybe that calmed my breathing a bit. However, I still felt anxious because of my racing heart, so I tried to find some relief from the small oxygen can and the members looking out for me. Shortly after, we arrived at the airport. Yoon-Chan naturally came to my side.

Actually, all the members and staff gathered around me. It was indeed fortunate that there were fewer onlookers waiting at the American airport. Though I had a fear of flying, the fear of the people I had faced before was absent today.

Still, the fear of flying was so intense that my mind started to malfunction even while waiting for our check-in. The trembling was so severe that I just grabbed the shirt of a member or staff in front of me and shook it slightly.

My anxiety peaked, and my voice trembled as I asked, “Can I just take my medicine now?"

‘What if I get on the plane and the medicine administration is delayed, and it takes off before I fall asleep?’

Goh Yoo-Joon reassured me and held my shoulder. “Suh Hyun-Woo, you don’t need to take your medicine now. You will fall asleep before the plane takes off. It’s okay."

Yoon-Chan spoke up. “Hyung, maybe you should rest somewhere quiet for a bit. Su-Hwan hyung, Hyun-Woo's turning pale like that time. He is having a panic attack—"

“Hyung, you are sweating."

“How much time do we have until the flight?"

“You should wait for now. It’s okay to take the medicine. There are two of them, one for when the symptoms start—"

“I will take care of it."

“After checking in the luggage—"

I was led by perhaps a member, and I found myself sitting in a chair with something along with water in my hand. But I couldn’t tell what it was. I grabbed someone nearby and asked. “Hyung, how long do I have to wait? Can I take the medicine?"

I didn't want to board the plane.

“Hyun-Woo, are you listening to me properly? You have the medicine in your hand."

“He was like this when we came from Korea, too. His symptoms are worse now. He probably has difficulty recognizing us right now. Are you okay, Suh Hyun-Woo? Let’s just give him what he’s asking for, Joo-Han hyung."

“Yoo-Joon, lower your voice. Hyun-Woo, you have the medicine in your hand."

“Oh? In my hand—"

Ah, I had the pill in my hand. I had been warned not to rely too much on medication, but the mere fact that I had the medicine in my hand instantly washed over me with a sense of relief.

“I'm sorry."

“As long as you feel even a little better, that's good enough."

After taking the pill and being surrounded and cared for by the members and staff, I was finally able to get a sleeping pill only after boarding the plane.

Yoon-Chan was sitting next to me and worriedly asking me various questions. “Hyung, aren't you hungry?"

“No, I'm okay. Eating now would just make me uncomfortable."

“Is it easier for you to breathe now?"

“Yes."

After assuring him that I was okay, I closed my eyes that were already heavy with sleepiness.

“Hyung, see you in a bit. Sleep well," Yoon-Chan told me.

I remembered thinking how kind he was even in those moments. When I woke up, the plane had already landed in Korea.

***

Unlike in the US, a lot of Rings were waiting for us in Korea. The area was as heated as the concert venue. Both I and the other members were quite shocked and overwhelmed.

However, I was still half-asleep at that point, and someone—later I found out it was Goh Yoo-Joon—handed me earphones, which I plugged into my phone and listened to music as a first line of defense.

Someone else handed me an oversized hoodie with a deep hood, which was Jin-Sung’s. I pulled the hood low over my head and bowed deeply as I was almost dragged by the members out. It had been the same when we first arrived in the US. Apparently, being asleep somewhat diminished the fear.

On the ride back to our dorm, I messaged my parents that I had returned to Korea safely and then fell asleep again. During the first day back in Korea, the members and I spent the entire day asleep, and we were given a break to recover the next day as well.

***

Daytime at the dormitory was unusually quiet. The other members, who usually spent their days leisurely at home during free time, had taken the opportunity to visit their homes and were not planning to return until evening.

Goh Yoo-Joon and I were left to our own devices, aimlessly roaming the dorm. During our trainee days, such moments would typically find us heading to my home. However, today was not suitable for such a visit. My own circumstances aside, it was a particularly busy day for my parents, so it was impossible for me to drop by even though I wished to.

So…

“Did you know there’s a new water balloon game for mobile phones?" Goh Yoo-Joon asked as he handed me my phone, which I had left on the couch.

“No, I had no idea it was available on mobile now."

“Download it. Let’s play."

Without much else to do to occupy the time, I installed the game and we began playing side by side on the couch.

"The UI[1] feels a bit clunky.”

“I know, right? It moves on its own when you try to navigate through the game.”

“..."

“Ah, Suh Hyun-Woo, you said it’s uncomfortable. Try not to tryhard too much," Goh Yoo-Joon teased.

Following Goh Yoo-Joon’s last comment, we played in silence for a while. After several rounds, Goh Yoo-Joon, who typically did not get upset even when losing continuously, spoke up in a calm voice. “Umm, the day you collapsed in the US…"

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Was it because of that lighting accident from before?"

“Weren’t you going to ask that over a drink later?"

“Ah," he paused, surprised. His in-game character halted momentarily before he resumed the chase as I pressed on. “I didn’t need a drink for that. I just wanted to ask when it was just us."

I realized then why he had been so quiet—he had been waiting to bring this up. Despite being more socially adept than me, Goh Yoo-Joon often showed his concerns in unexpected ways.

“Yeah. I'm not entirely sure, though."

I turned away from him to change the subject. His character stopped again, so I naturally leaned back against him to show I wasn’t upset. It was a familiar gesture from our days as close-knit trainees.

Lately, I noticed that, like the other members, I had been subjected to Goh Yoo-Joon's concerns quite frequently. I spent the day under his watchful and concerned gaze and occasionally wondered what he used to think of me before we went back in time. I had avoided exploring these thoughts as I feared they would only bring guilt.

“Hey."

“What? Don’t say that I suck at this. I am slowly trying to improve."

“No, not that. I was wondering, what would you feel if I suddenly got hurt or died?" I deliberately asked in a casual tone to make it seem like it was nothing important.

“What are you talking about? I wouldn’t be able to live without you, dude.”

Damn. My casual approach prompted an equally light response.

“No, seriously, think about it."

“I am serious. I can’t live without you. That’s what I said."

“Are you really my friend? Be serious—"

“Why on earth would you ask that?" Goh Yoo-Joon snatched the phone from my hand, frustrated. My head, which had been resting on his shoulder, slid off.

“Why did you take my phone away?"

“I answered seriously. How am I supposed to keep on going if you suddenly aren’t around anymore? I was serious, but you aren’t listening. You were just focusing on the game."

“…Oh, really?"

His face flushed with either anger or shock. He questioned why I would bring up such a topic.

“Ah, I was just asking."

“If you ask Joo-Han hyung, he will react the same way, you bastard. Jin-Sung and Yoon-Chan would have cried if you asked them this."

It seemed my approach hadn't been serious enough. Given the recent events and our visible mental and physical strain, my casual remarks had evidently struck a chord with Goh Yoo-Joon.

“Just so you know, I have no plans of dying. That’s not what I meant."

“Ah, come on."

“I mean it."

“Fuck…”

“Are you cursing now?"

“No, if you are going through something, you should tell me. I’m your friend, and I’m the only friend you have here."

What the heck? What is the point of bringing up the fact that I don’t have that many friends?

I stood up, bewildered. Goh Yoo-Joon was smirking. I patted him on the shoulder “I understand, I know how you feel."

I had just come to realize the real feelings of both this timeline’s Goh Yoo-Joon and that of his past self. Despite everything, I had never been entirely alone, neither now nor then. Bringing up this topic revealed how deeply he had cared about me and suffered in the previous timeline.

‘…I'm sorry about that.’

"Thank you. Sorry for bringing up something weird. If anything is up, I will definitely tell you. I’m going to work now.”

Before the atmosphere could become more uncomfortable, I ended the conversation and headed to Joo-Han’s room to work on the soundtrack.

1. User Interface is the design and layout of the screens and controls that a player interacts with while playing the game. ☜