Samsara Online

Seeing Nangong Chen fall off the cliff, Hou Zi Yang used the handbrake to stop his Porsche. As soon as his car stopped, Hou Zi Yang quickly got out of it and ran to the edge of the cliff. He looked down with his eyes wide open as if he wanted to see the moment when Nangong Chen hit the bottom.

"Die... Die... Just die now...". Hou Zi Yang repeated the same words over and over again His words contained many things; hate, fear, happiness, sadness, pain, relief... But what his words carried most was loneliness and guilt.

Xie Feng had also stopped his Ferrari completely. He ignored the other cars that passed by them and the rest of the competitors ignored them as well. As the other super luxury cars drove to the finish line, Xie Feng stopped a few steps away from Hou Zi Yang and silently observed him.

Xie Feng took off the mask he had used to cover his face before and looked at the back of the thirty-five years old man in front of him. Although he never lost a loved one like Hou Zi Yang, somehow he felt that he could understand a little bit of how the man felt at the time.

After he had murmured the same words over and over again, Hou Zi Yang began to laugh out loud as he shouted to the sky: "Hahaha! Finally he died! That bastard son of a bitch finally died! Finally he died...", Hou Zi Yang’s laughter and joy were soon overwhelmed by sorrow and, as he collapsed on the pavement, he said in a low voice: "I’m sorry... I’m really sorry... I couldn’t protect you".

After crying for a minute or two, Hou Zi Yang stood up again and looked at Xie Feng, who had been silent all this time: "Thank you very much for before. I did not expect that the person who saved my life was actually a young boy in his twenties haha".

Xie Feng looked at him in silence for a moment. He approached the cliff railing and rested his arms on the metal. As he looked in the distance, he asked, "What are you going to do now? The person you hated and probably still hate with all your heart is finished".

Hou Zi Yang did not respond immediately and, instead, pulled out a box of cheap cigarettes from his trouser pocket. "Do you smoke?", he offered.

Xie Feng nodded silently, and Hou Zi Yang handed him a cigarette. Although Xie Feng only smokes occasionally to calm his emotions, he felt it was right to accompany this heartless man for a moment.

Xie Feng lit the cigarette and soon inhaled a deep puff of smoke. However...

*Cough*... *Cough*... *Cough*

Xie Feng suddenly started coughing fiercely, which made Hou Zi Yang laugh. Only after coughing for two or three seconds did Xie Feng look at Hou Zi Yang and say, "This cigarette is really strong".

"Hahaha, good. This cigarette is different from the ones you probably smoke. The box only cost me 2 yuan, naturally, its quality is the lowest possible haha", Hou Zi Yang laughed and began to smoke his cigarette without problems. Clearly, he was used to it.

Xie Feng and Hou Zi Yang smoked silently while watching the distance. After a minute’s silence, Xie Feng asked, "Why do you smoke these kinds of cigarettes? You probably have a lot of money, you could buy the best cigarettes... So why?"

As before, Hou Zi Yang did not answer. Instead, he leaned forward to support his body on the cold metal and, as his eyes became clouded, he started to narrate:

"Actually, I come from an extremely poor family. My father was employed in a plant as a truck driver and although a bit strict, he never disrespected me or my mother. My mother was an elementary school teacher, she was a really nice mother... the best mother in the world. You know, the typical normal family. Although my parents’ salary was not much, it was enough to keep us from missing food on our table".

After inhaling the cigarette smoke, Hou Zi Yang continued to speak in a low voice:

"When I was 18 years old, I got a scholarship to study in Europe because of my good results. During the first year, it was extremely difficult to get used to such a different place... The countries of Europe and America are quite different in their customs compared to Asia. But, a girl named Anna was very kind to me. She helped me understand what I did not understand and kindly pointed out what I was doing wrong. After two years of friendship, we finally became a couple.

Anna came from a wealthy family in England. Her parents did not agree at all with our relationship, but Anna did not care. Against all odds, she abandoned the comforts that her family could offer her and traveled with me to Hong Kong... She didn’t mind having to work eight hours a day, nor did she mind having to do the housework. Anna always had a friendly smile on her face".

A happy smile appeared on Hou Zi Yang’s face as if he were remembering happy moments from the past. Xie Feng did not interrupt him and continued to look into the distance in silence.

A few seconds later, Hou Zi Yang continued:

"Life between Anna and me was good. We never fought and even when we had small differences we always solved everything before the day was over. Everything was perfect for both of us... Until five years ago... That son of a bitch!".

Hou Zi Yang’s eyes burned with fury and he clenched his teeth so tightly that a trail of blood slipped through his lips.

Xie Feng could feel absolutely irreconcilable hatred from Hou Zi Yang. A hatred so great that it did not lose out to the hatred he felt two years ago... The only difference is that while Hou Zi Yang and Anna had a miserable ending, he was able to gain the power to avoid it.

"Now do you understand why I wear these clothes that are valued at only 200 yuan? Now do you understand why I buy cigarettes that cost only 2 yuan? What the hell good is all this money to me now? My only reason to exist, the only reason I lived, the love of my life was taken advantage of by a son of a bitch, and then she killed herself... DAMN IT!!"

Hou Zi Yang screamed out loud as if he wanted to release the pressure he felt inside, as if he wanted to find a way to free himself from the pain that had tormented him for so many years.

Xie Feng listened in silence as the man next to him cried heartbrokenly, like a little baby seeking the comfort of its parents. Xie Feng never experienced anything like this, so he had no right to say anything... No, he simply had no words to say.

If something similar were to happen to Xie Yao... Xie Feng shook his head and didn’t dare to think of something like that. Not to mention Xie Yao, if something like that happened to Gu Qianxue, whom he had just met for a little over half a month, Xie Feng would probably go crazy.

Hou Zi Yang’s crying continued for 2 minutes before stopping. He wiped the tears from his face and said, "I’m sorry about that... How embarrassing".

After that, Hou Zi Yang did something that scared Xie Feng. He got up on the railing that separated the road from the precipice. Xie Feng quickly grabbed him by the shoulder and said in shock: "What are you doing?".

Hou Zi Yang looked at Xie Feng with a smile and said softly: "Didn’t I just tell you? My only reason to exist left me five years ago. The person guilty of everything had the death of a pitiful dog, I am satisfied... But I am already tired of living... Really exhausted..."

Xie Feng turned slightly pale. In fact, what right did he have to stop a man who had lost all desire to live after losing everything? From the look in Hou Zi Yang’s eyes, Xie Feng knew that the man was like a dead soul in life.

Feeling the grip on his shoulder lighten, Hou Zi Yang closed his eyes, and as he stepped forward, he muttered, "I’m sorry... I kept you waiting so long, Anna".

When Hou Zi Yang started to fall off the cliff, Xie Feng unconsciously grabbed him once more, only this time Hou Zi Yang said nothing; he still had his eyes closed.

While in the same position, Xie Feng somehow felt so identified with Hou Zi Yang that his face became extremely pale. Although he had never experienced anything similar, Xie Feng felt that he was seeing himself reflected in Hou Zi Yang.

*Cough*

He, who could not be hurt even by a missile, coughed up blood as he felt so much pain coming from the depths of his heart. A few words appeared in his mind:

Love beyond the limits of life and death.

A love that goes beyond all mundane desire, a love that goes beyond all physical beauty, and a love that surpasses the desire to die or live. Was it really possible to feel such love in this world? Xie Feng believed that it was possible.

Xie Feng’s hold on Hou Zi Yang was slowly relaxed and the man who was tormented by guilt and pain for five years finally had a smile of relief on his face as he disappeared into the darkness of the abyss.