Re:life with Karmic Gacha (Modern Family)

Chapter 319: Chapter 319: Christmas.

[Edward POV]

Apparently, there was a huge storm while I was under. Even though it wasn't snowing, the temperature fell down to 10 degrees celsius, which made it a cold Christmas morning in California.

"How many presents did you get this year?" Amy asked as we all gathered around the Christmas tree, still wearing our pajamas.

"I don't know," I shrugged, estimating, "4 or 5?"

"Damn it. I only got 3," Amy grumbled as she picked up one of her presents. I smiled and said, "That's actually from me."

Amy's excitement was palpable, though she pretended to be indifferent. "I'm going to open this first."

Maggie jeered from her spot next to us, "Aren't you both too old to be so excited about Christmas?"

Amy immediately turned to her, anger flashing in her eyes. "You're—"

"Don't disrespect Christmas, Maggie. Belsnickel didn't fight Krampus to save Christmas for nothing," I interjected, defending both Amy and myself.

"What?" My dad, Frankie, grandma, grandpa, Vanessa, Maggie, and Caroline all looked confused. Max whispered to herself, "So that's why he floated."

Max didn't share what she had seen, still unsure if it was real. Even though she was beginning to believe, she kept it to herself.

"Ed? What?" My dad asked. "Belsnickel who? Krampus who?"

"Germany's Santa Claus," my grandpa replied. I turned to him with a mischievous smile. "Oh, how did you know that, Grandpa? Did you perhaps have a liaison with a beautiful German girl during the war?"

"Not German. But there was an Italian girl— I mean, no. I did not," my grandpa almost blurted out his 60-year-old secret before stopping himself at Grandma's warning glare.

Meanwhile, Amy opened her present and fumed. "Height growth fertilizer! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS?!"

Everyone laughed as Amy pushed the box against my cheek. With a slightly muffled voice, I replied, "What? I was thinking about you."

Amy stood up abruptly, reading the box aloud: "Instruction: bury your feet in soil before pouring the fertilizer beneath your feet. Stand in the sun for three days straight. Repeat until success."

I stifled a laugh and said, "Yeah. It can guarantee 3 inches of growth. You definitely need that."

"GRANDMA!" Amy ran to Jules with a choked voice and hugged her, begging for comfort. Grandma scolded me, "Edward, you shouldn't pick on Amy so much. She's sensitive, you know."

I shrugged. "The box is fake. The real present's inside."

Amy perked up immediately and turned back to me. "Really?"

"Yeah. Open it."

"And it's not going to be fertilizer?"

I scoffed disdainfully. "People are not plants. I should've given you Science books instead."

Amy held the box with an expectant smile. "He~" She hummed cheerfully as she ripped the box to shreds as it was too hard for her to take off the tape.

"Ohh, it's an Ugg. Thank you! Mom wouldn't buy these things for me no matter how much I asked her." Amy thanked me and she immediately tried to wear the fluffy shoes.

"Really? She's the one who told me you'd like this," I said, picking up my present. "This feels like a book. Is it a book?" I glanced at the tag and turned to my dad. "Did you get me a book?"

"Open it," my dad urged, leaning forward to catch my reaction. As I unwrapped it, I said, "If this is another self-help book, I'm talking to Linda about you in therapy."

"It's not a self-help book!" My dad scoffed. "And you didn't need to throw that book away." He was referring to the earlier book he had given me.

"I didn't throw it away; I re-gifted it to Claire," I replied casually. "Oh, it's The Velveteen Rabbit." My excited smile turned to confusion as I stared at him. "Why?"

"Y-You said you wanted it when you watched Friends, so I got it for you. Y-You said you wanted to make it happen. I listened... and I made it happen," my dad defended.

"Thank you, Dad. It's a nice gift," I said gratefully. Frankie chuckled and turned to my dad, "I told you that wasn't it."

"Then what did you mean when you said you wanted to 'make it happen'?" my dad asked curiously.

"Oh, Frankie meeting Paget Brewster. I want that to happen," I replied with a mischievous smile.

"Why?" Frankie looked confused.

I paused for a moment before saying, "Because you both look exactly the same?!"

"No, I don't see that," my dad said, shaking his head in agreement with Frankie. Everyone murmured in unison, insisting she didn't resemble the actress.

"Okay, you're all insane. Frankie, I'm opening your present now. It's a big box, and I've been holding myself back long enough." I reached for the gift and opened it to find numerous Naruto manga volumes, from 1 to 47, the English-translated versions.

Frankie smiled widely as she saw my excited face. "How is it? Do you like it?"

"I love it," I replied. "Tell me if my dad ever hurts you. I'll terrorize him for you."

"Hey!" My dad protested, eliciting laughter from everyone. My grandparents gave me a sweater, and Pepper gifted me a custom-made fedora from that little shop in Washington. I received a lot of presents from various people, but I didn't want to open them all at once this morning, or Amy would get jealous.

"Here," I said, handing Vanessa a present as she sat near the kitchen while Amy and Maggie fought in the living room. "Merry Christmas."

Vanessa opened the gift bashfully. "You shouldn't have."

"Sorry I didn't wrap it; I didn't have time," I said, watching her take out the protein shake from the bag. Vanessa looked at me in disbelief. "Thank you for the protein shake?"

"I also didn't have time to shop for you, so I just picked something random from my room," I said mischievously.

Vanessa scoffed and brushed her hair behind her ear. "Well, thanks anyway. Wait, you sent me a present to my house yesterday, right?"

"Yeah. It's a bear onesie. It's comfortable to sleep in if you're in a cold place. In California, not so much—more like a sweat fest. It will be great to wear it this morning though." I explained a bit about the present and tried to make her feel included in the holiday gathering.

"Okay, everyone. Remember, after breakfast, we're all going to go to the photo studio to snap a family picture." My grandma said excitedly.

"We did that yesterday." Amy protested.

"Yeah, that was for Christmas Eve. This one's for Christmas day." My grandma explained to Amy affectionately.

My dad asked after he received a text from Phil, "Ed, what exactly did you give Alex and Haley?"

"Just some ordinary stuff. Why?" I asked in confusion.

...

[General POV]

In the Dunphy house, Phil exclaimed excitedly, "Oh hey! Edward gave me a yogurt maker!"

Claire, looking exasperated, asked, "Why is he giving me a book on 'Anger Management'? I'm not that hot tempered."

Luke chimed in, "He gave me a Nerf gun! DIE MONSTER DIE!" He aimed it everywhere but hadn't shot anything yet.

"A gun?" Claire said, alarmed, recalling the chaos with the BB gun. Phil laughed, "Don't worry, honey. Nerf guns are pretty safe."

Haley stood up, barely opening her present. "I'm taking this to my room first."

"Wait! Honey, let us see it! It looks like a painting," Claire said, grabbing Haley's arm.

"No, Mom! You don't want to see this!" Haley protested. Alex noticed a card in Haley's hand and read it aloud: "[I felt bad I couldn't draw you, so I asked a photographer to take this picture for me. He insisted I pose nude, so I went along with it. Burn it after you see it.]"

Claire gasped, "WHAT?!"

Phil exclaimed, "Oh my god!"

Haley defended Edward, hugging the picture tightly. "What? Ed is just joking! There's no way he'd send me his nude picture, framed on a canvas."

Alex grinned, "Open it! I want to take a picture and put it in the group chat."

"There's no way you're doing that!" Claire and Haley shouted in unison.

Luke returned from his adventures with his new gun. "Mom, I shot the lamp in the kitchen. It broke."

Ignoring that, Claire turned to Haley, "You need to return this to Edward and tell him it's not okay."

Alex defended, "Come on, it's Edward. If he really wanted to prank us, he'd do it more privately."

"Yeah, exactly," Haley chuckled, but Claire's stern look said it wasn't the first time something like this had happened.

"Haley!" Claire scolded.

"What?!" Haley exclaimed, surprised. Alex suggested, "To be sure, someone should open and check it on behalf of everyone." Nôv(el)B\\jnn

"I volunteer!" Haley raised her hand. "It's my gift, anyway."

"NO!" Claire interrupted her. Alex smirked, "I guess it's me—"

"Phil, you do it," Claire decided.

Phil grimaced, "Really? I don't want to see Edward in his birthday suit."

"Edward is wearing a suit? Why is everyone acting like this is a big deal? We've seen him in a suit before," Luke muttered, looking confused.

"Phil!" Claire turned to Phil, frustrated. He sighed and said, "Fine. I'll check it."

Haley tightened her grip on the frame. "No need; I already saw it."

"And?" Phil asked.

Haley sighed. "I saw his head."

"Oh my god," Claire groaned. "His... penis?" Alex blushed.

"NOT THAT HEAD! His FACE!" Haley quickly clarified.

"Okay, this has gone on long enough." Luke stepped in, trying to grab the present. "Give it to me; I'll look."

"No! LUKE!" Haley protested, but he tugged at the wrapping paper, accidentally tearing it. Edward's muscular torso was now visible, prompting Claire to cup Alex's eyes.

"It's real!" Phil whispered, begrudgingly. "Why is he sending this? Now the photographer has his picture!"

Claire realized the implications and worried for Edward. "Oh my god, you're right."

Haley grumbled, "You guys! This is for my eyes ONLY! You're violating my privacy!"

"There's no privacy here when you start sexting boys!" Claire scolded. Alex added sarcastically, "Can we even call it sexting? It's more like a snail letter."

"Why is Edward wearing a skirt?" Luke asked suddenly, staring at the painting.

"Huh?" Everyone turned to the painting, noticing a yellow skirt beneath Edward's pecs.

"He's messing with us!" Alex grabbed her mother's hand and pulled it away so they could see as Haley fully unwrapped the gift.

The top half of the frame showed Edward's shirtless body, striking a cheeky pose that made Alex and Haley's hearts flutter. His hand was behind his head, looking coyly at the camera.

Beneath it was a half-finished painting of a lady in a yellow skirt, standing on the beach in white heels.

"Hey, you can take off the top picture," Phil remarked.

"Really?" Haley carefully removed it, wanting to keep it, and finally revealed the gift.

It was a beautiful painting of Haley at the beach, her wavy hair glowing in the sun as she smiled brightly. She wore a simple one-piece yellow dress adorned with blue flowers that flowed gently in the ocean breeze.

The background featured a soft blue sky with fluffy white clouds, and the golden sand stretched out beneath her feet. Gentle waves lapped at the shore, glimmering in the sunlight.

"Whoa," Phil exclaimed in amazement. "It's a great painting," he added.

Alex furrowed her brows at Haley and asked, "Why did he even draw this?"

Haley couldn't help but smile as she stared at the painting.

[Haley's commentary]

"He really had to ruin the romantic vibe by doing these sorts of things, huh?" She held the half-naked picture of Edward up to the camera. "Ugh! This guy!" She turned the picture to face her and gestured as if she was going to punch him, a small smile on her face.

[Claire and Phil's commentary]

"Thank God it was what we thought it was," Claire breathed in relief. Phil chuckled and said, "But it's amazing to see how we all played into his hands."

"It's a fine line he's treading. One of these days, he's going to mess up, and it'll blow up spectacularly," Claire added with a worried expression.

Phil chuckled again and turned to Claire. "Oh, honey. Now I see why he gave you the anger management book."

[Alex's commentary]

"Not that I feel bad that Haley got the gift and not me, but my boyfriend gave me a Sabbath album for my Christmas present this year." She shrugged. "I don't understand why he would give me that. At no point in our relationship did we talk about the heavy metal band."

"Oh, and by the way, Edward gave me a book on cryptography and a puzzle. So that's going to be a fun game to play on the weekend," she added excitedly.

Then, she included another picture. "Also, he included this card of Gold Roger in his execution stand inside all of our presents. Nothing else. I have a feeling that it's a challenge, but I'm not so sure about it."

[Commentary ends]

In an apartment in Pasadena, Leonard talked with Sheldon who was in Texas and showed him the card .

"Did you also get the card from Edward?" Leonard asked.

"Yes." Sheldon replied curtly. "I think it's an invitation to watch the anime One Piece. I am searching for the DVD now." Sheldon added.

"No need. He's going to have them on Netflix on the 31st." Leonard stopped him. "I'm just curious. Why is he sending us these? Raj, Howard, even Penny got one."

"Amy got one too. I wonder what it is." Sheldon said excitedly. "Is it like a clue card?" Leonard guessed.

Jenna, Enid, Jacob, Finneas, Billie, Elsa, Abed, Annie, Troy, and two-third of the company staff got the cards. But, no one knew what it was for.

...

[Edward POV]

I had a great time with my grandparents and family members. In the afternoon, Uncle Jim and Aunt May came from Wisconsin, using my jet that I prepared for them to celebrate Christmas here with their daughters.

When the day ended, my grandparents, my uncles and Amy all had to go back home to Wisconsin. Amy sniffled as she sobbed, not wanting to go back home.

"Amy, you do need to understand. Your dad has his work in Wisconsin. He cannot just leave everything behind and move to California." Grandma tried to comfort Amy.

"You're a big girl. Why are you still crying about this?" Maggie asked Amy, her own eyes glossy.

Amy didn't want to go back home; she felt friendless there. "But Dad only works as an accountant," she whined.

I turned to Uncle Jim and asked, "Is that why you lost all your hair?"

"Yes—What!? NO!" Uncle Jim protested, touching his balding head.

"And I will be bald too," Amy continued, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"NOO!" Uncle Jim spun around, clearly stressed. He then turned to my dad, jokingly asking, "Do you have any job openings at your work?"

Amy's eyes lit up as she turned to her dad. "Really? Can we move here?"

"Well, your mom and I talked about it," Uncle Jim replied, "but we haven't decided anything yet."

"Aww," Amy said, slumping her shoulders.

Grandpa chimed in, "If you decide to move, don't go to Hollywood. That place gives me the creeps."

"Or Beverly Hills. That's where godless people live," Grandma added.

I could have offered Uncle Jim a job, but I left that to Pepper. We were expanding our company and needed a team of accountants. Uncle Jim would be a good fit.

Max and Caroline were planning to head back home since they needed to drive the car to New York, but I stopped them.

"Go home and work at the GAP again?" I said, incredulous. "I thought you were coming with me on my tour?" I turned to Max.

Max smiled slightly. "I don't even have a passport."

"I can handle that. No problem," I replied.

Caroline realized something and turned to Max. "If you're staying behind just for me, Max, you don't have to do that. I'll be fine living alone in New York."

"No, Caroline. I don't want to go because there's nothing for me to do. I'm just going to follow him around for nothing," Max argued.

"You'll be part of my entourage. That's really important," I tried to convince her. Then I turned to Caroline. "You, Miss Channing. You have an MBA?"

Caroline jumped at the opportunity. "I graduated from Wharton, top of the class in 2009. I speak French, Japanese, Korean, and I dabble in a bit of Spanish."

"What is this, a job interview?" Max mumbled to herself.

"I've always been driven and resilient, qualities that have only strengthened after facing unexpected challenges in my life. My creativity shines through in everything I do, whether it's developing new business ideas or finding innovative solutions to problems. I thrive in fast-paced environments and love to collaborate with others to achieve common goals," Caroline added, her words flowing non-stop.

"Now it really is a job interview," Max whispered, amazed at Caroline's rapid-fire speech.

"Stop." I gestured with my hand for her to pause. "I can't bring you with me on business deals, but I need an assistant manager to handle the procedures during the tour."

Channing's family name carried some baggage, and I didn't want it to affect my negotiations later on. Caroline was well aware of this; she had been rejected from Wall Street, and many of her wealthy friends had turned their backs on her because of it.

"Everyone's expenses will be covered for two years, and once the tour is done, I'll write you a $250,000 check for both you and Max to open your cupcake store. You'll have to work for it, though. Max, do you have any issues with that?" I asked, but she didn't respond.

"During those two years, I'll arrange for your horse to stay at my grandfather's ranch and give him the best care. How about it? Do you want to work with me on the tour?"

"You mean actually working, right? I can even carry your luggage around if I can't do anything else," Max said, wary of taking advantage of me. She didn't want charity, especially from someone so close to her, which was causing her internal conflict.

"Yeah, you can carry my luggage if you want. And I definitely need someone to look after Vader, whom I'm bringing with me on the tour."

Max grinned. "Oh, so I'll be like your cat sitter? Okay! I love that! I'll do it!"

"Nice." I nodded, satisfied that Max agreed to come with me. "It'll be fun."

"What about the car?" Caroline asked after Max pushed her away, trying to hug her.

"You know what?" I turned to Max. "Call him. Tell him I want to buy the car from him. You guys can use it as your car here."

"Really? That beat-up old car?" Caroline looked incredulous. "I've fantasized about beating that car with a bat thousands of times in the last three days."

"Hey! Don't talk bad about Laura! She brought us all the way up here!" Max defended the car.

The next day arrived, and I went to Haley's house in the morning. However, when I got there, Mitchell, Cam, Jay, Gloria, Manny, and Lily were also visiting and brainstorming.

Jay asked, "Hey, Ed! Let me guess: compare the scene on the card and the actual scene, and you'll get the clue for the next thing, am I right?"

"I won't tell you about it," I shrugged. "No hints."

"That's a yes!" Jay said excitedly. "I was correct!"

"At the very least, tell us what the card will lead to?" Mitchell asked slyly. I looked at them, confused, and said, "Just open the card. It's written inside."

"The card opens?" Phil muttered in shock, while I stared at all of them in disbelief. "I know everyone else might not see this, but even you, Alex?" I looked at her, disappointed.

"Shut up! It was Christmas, so I didn't focus on the card!" Alex retorted as she tried to open it.