Reincarnated as a Phoenix

Chapter 182 – Civilization

“*Yawn*… heh, you still down there Ikarus?”

…

“Ikarus, you still here?”

…

Waking up alone the next morning, the sexy piece of ass Petra is stressing out is presumably stressing out when her blushing bride is nowhere to be seen. Except, as if I’m going to leave my wife alone like this first thing in the morning.

“Ah, you awake Petra? Sorry, just brushing my teeth real quick, be with you in a second”

Finishing off and heading back into the hotel room having just gone for my early morning routine, I just so happened to wake up much earlier than Petra today so no chance I was ever going to wake that adorable sleeping face. Even now, Petra still isn’t a great sleeper so the times she does sleep in is always great. I’m also pretty certain she only sleeps well after intimacy but I’m not going to question her on that…

Ah, the place we’re currently staying at, just imagine this entire hotel room we’re in right now is a pixelated mess of things that anyone under the age of eighteen can’t see and leave it at that. I can say there’s a lot of black and red around, also the fact it’s considered a love hotel. Albeit a very pervy one…

“Heh, so what’s the plan today Ikarus? We going to stay inside the room and use everything to full effect?”

“Hah hah, very funny. I mean, we could if you really wanted to but your jokes were lost on me ages ago”

Even without my wisdom ability, I’d still be able to tell Petra was only kidding there. The way she’s smiling at me in the bed down in a playful kneeling position says it all really.

“Heh, did you actually want a second night of sin Ikarus? Unfortunately, they didn’t have two nights free. Would’ve booked it if they did”

“Phew, that’s a real terrible shame…”

‘Sarcasm aside, it’s probably for the best we’re not staying another night. We’ve had way too many of these experiences recently so it’s time to mellow it back a little more and become a boring bunch of lovebirds’

“…Anyways, I’m not too sure if this place does food so we’ll probably have to go somewhere. Ah, can you make sure you do me a huge favour Petra and remind me to print some stuff out? We can’t be returning to the settlement empty handed”

Food, drinks, old technology, machinery, basically anything I realistically feel can be made back in our own world I need to bring with me. Garry’s a genius but if I were to give him the blueprint for a modern car or something like that, it might make his brain explode. I’ll try and keep things limited… Heck, I don’t even know if power works in our world yet. Gunpowder isn’t great so it’s no guarantee if most of it will work. Recipes for food and stuff like fizzy drink I’m sure will work perfectly though.

“Heh, of course Ikarus… Say, we have this room till midday, right? You sure you don’t want to get your money’s worth and continue on from last night again?”

…

‘Sometimes I just don’t know with her. It’s damn tempting, sure but I literally woke up early so we could plan this day together. We’re not going waste half of it messing around with whips and chains… that reminds me of an old song thinking about it. Wonder if there’s a way I can bring modernish music back as well’

“You know, why do I even bother at times? It’s clear you’d rather just hump like rabbits till the end of eternity rather than do anything interesting”

“Heh, no comment Ikarus, no comment…”

__________

(Temporary Perspective Change)

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(Odin) “Shield brothers and sisters, we stand here today to end the tyranny of the bastard God who has treated us like vermin for centuries too long. Whatever it takes, we will purge Zeus from the heavens and be victorious! Loki! Get out of that fucking form already and join us in arms!”

(Thor) “Aye, father speaks sense lass. Get out of that fucking pitiful body already and join us as comrades. Who seriously turns up to a battle wearing a whore’s dress?”

(Loki) “Nah, you two go ahead and fight with everyone else. I’ll sit this one out otherwise I’ll break my nails. I’ll cheer you on from the side though!”

(Odin) “*Grumble*… damn perverted brother of mine…”

Standing outside Zeus’s palace with a dozen or so of the Gods from Ragnarök, we’re about to launch an attack on the one who rules all and boy, it really is quite the scene. There are so many hulking barbarians around right now! Pretty disgusting if you just imagine the number of balls that dangle around but not everyone shares my distastes unfortunately. I’ve already tried countless times before to try and ‘soften’ up both brother and Thor up but they just won’t have it!

Anyways, it appears it’s time to start the war games… again. No idea how many times we’ve already attacked but it’s guaranteed to end in failure. Why should I fight when I know it’s pointless? This red skimpy dress of mind has enough red on it for my liking… eh, maybe I might get my nails and horns done red next time around thinking about it, surprised they didn’t mention my accessories but men don’t notice what’s right in front of them at times.

The start of the battle initiates when the roaring horn lets it be known, the handful of Gods from the Ragnarök faction charge towards the gates of Zeus’s marble palace led by both Odin and Thor. I’d love it for those two to land a hit today but still wouldn’t bet on it. If I did have to bet on something, I wouldn’t be surprised if that gate provides too much of a problem.

Both of them strike at the golden gate causing an electrical discharge to occur knocking several of the weaker brethren back. However, a second hit comes in from the duo and the gate falls down flat.

‘Huh, maybe I don’t give them enough credit. That seemed easy enough, now onto the fun part!’

Having a free path into the palace, both of the Ragnarök leaders seize up when the God they were hunting steps out right into the courtyard. By the looks of it, Zeus is pissed.

“Bah, must you idiot Vikings do this again!?! This is the fourth time you’ve destroyed my golden gate! This game is no longer funny, stop destroying my property!”

(Odin) “Fool! Surrender to us imposter God so you may yet live to see another day”

(Thor) “Aye, give up now and we won’t smash ya head in!”

‘Idiots. Can they really not come out with better lines?’

With a snap of the disinterested God’s fingers, lighting flies from the skies all aiming for the invaders. Immediately, the members of the huddled-up group split and scarper trying to avoid the attack but outrunning lighting is as task easier said than done.

Unfortunately, all of the weaker Gods find themselves electrocuted dropping like flies as the only two left remaining are the leaders. Both of which are rushing towards Zeus weapons in hand about to smash or pierce his heart…

Except, all it takes is another finger from the muscular God and two beams of lightning find a path straight into the torsos of both the attackers ending the fight there. Covered in blood and utterly defeated, they really don’t know what’s hit them.

“Argh! *Coughs blood*… this won’t be the last of us Zeus… we’ll be back soon enough…”

“Aye… You will face our wrath someday…”

And so, all of the bodies from the attackers fade into obscurity only leaving two remaining survivors. That was pitiful to say the least but at least it gives me some more time to play about before being called on again. As if I’m helping with the physical fighting, makeup is terrible for fixing scars!

Ah, should probably mention that fact Gods can’t exactly die up here so all fights end up being a complete waste of time. There are always exceptions to the latter, most of which involve getting mortals involved like making them demi Gods as such, but Gods just simply can’t kill other Gods who have a permanent residence up in the heavens. Not entirely sure if that fact translates over to demons and angels but they’ve never tried so no one would know. Evil vs good and all that always persists.

Anyways, the God ahead of me has a confused face when I come up to him all smiles and trying my best at being pleasant. As if I’m as wild as my brethren, you can always do the same damage without wielding a sword or axe, just it takes a little more intelligence.

“Wassup big guy! Have we spoken to each other yet!? I definitely laid eyes upon you back at that last Olympus meeting but don’t believe we’ve had a formal introduction!”

The confused face continues as this heap of muscles really can’t figure out my game. I‘m just being friendly, nothing else to it at all…

“Are you not with them wench? Don’t you wish to avenge your fallen comrades?”

“Nah, why would I care if those idiots are already dead? They’ll just revive back at home anyways, no point in caring”

Considering the fact Zeus currently looks like he’s speaking to a lost child or something, best know I’ve got the reaction I was hoping for. No need to ever see me as anything other than an idiot, it always works out better that way.

“If you think I have time for Norse whores, then you’re greatly mistaken wench. Bah! I’ve got to fix that fucking door again, that’ll be another waste of time stuck doing something mundane”

“No worries big guy! I always make sure I charge when it comes to that sort of thing but, I was here to enjoy the show today. Seeing how prematurely it’s ended, I guess I can pass a message on from a mutual friend instead”

By this point, I can visibly start to see a vein on his forehead. He really can’t stand conversing with idiots it seems, can’t say I blame him too much considering everything that’s happened with Ragnarök. If we hadn’t all made sacrifices and amends way back then, none of us would’ve survived.

“What sort of message? I’m not in the mood today so if you start speaking in riddles or playing games, you will find my fist in your ugly face”

‘Ugly!? Damn, this face is the epitome of pure beauty! I’ll just let that slide cause my brother has cleary pissed him off’

“What!? I’d never play games with you! I’m just here to tell you that your nephew has broken out of jail and his whereabouts is now unknown. Rumour has it, he’s returned to the heavens to support the rebels, but who can really tell?”

“Bah! Dionysus got out of Tartarus!? How the fuck is that even possible!?”

More immense anger curses the God’s face as even I step back slightly trying not to receive his wrath. Almost reminds me of the time I nearly managed to flip Odin’s gender around but that ended with my head in a vice. Literally I might add, detached from my body and everything, got a close up view of my boobs like that as well. Brother is really insecure about his masculinity and he always will be, he should be like me and just embrace the chaos! I have no idea where I left my genitals and I couldn’t care less!

“Don’t be asking me big guy, don’t attack the messenger and all that! I’ll be leaving now since that’s all I have for you unfortunately; I’ll definitely find you again if there’s more!”

Turning my back on the now visibly fuming Zeus, you can only be speculating on what would be going around in his goat sized brain. ‘Ah, that bastard brother of mine has finally decided to do something’ or ‘Is everyone against me or is that nephew of mine more intelligent than I thought?’. It could be anything really.

You know, I’ve never understood what the demon Asmodeus gets out of this. Personally, I really can’t see why he’d want me to tell Zeus this early the Underworld is now involved but guess that oracle and he have their secrets after all. Only thing I can think of is that increasing his paranoia is supposed to beneficial to the whole plan, I couldn’t care about all that boring stuff though. I’ve got more important issues that need fixing, like alchemy!

‘Anyways, now onto the fun stuff! My incarnate said she wanted some potions so let’s get brewing! That brother of hers really has some kind and caring friends it seems…’

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…

“Heh, hurry it up Ikarus. We may end up back a day or two later if you don’t because of the time difference”

“I’m trying, damn it woman! Just think Ikarus, have I forgotten anything too important? I don’t need any erotica since our world is good for it… already got a couple of things related to war… I freaking hate this! Work brain and figure out what I’m missing!”

After finishing off our epic honeymoon and now getting everything together before we TP back, I’m visibly getting pissed at myself in case I forget to bring anything back. You see, I’ve probably ruined the ending to this honeymoon simply because when we return to the settlement, I’m single handedly going to bring the era out of the medieval ages. The number of papers, books, documents, literally anything I can think of that will cheat the laws of the universe and give our islands the chance to become modern.

Just in the last two days alone, I’ve probably spent thousands of pounds at this point getting every bought and ready to bring back. This is NOT including the extortionate hotel prices that Petra can partially be blamed for as well.

The first hotel, the very obvious one wasn’t that bad but we also went big spending a night at a five star place the second night. It should’ve been excellent if my mind wasn’t so in a twist about wanting to bring everything back I can to home with me. Ended up cleaning out the mini fridge as well so you can already tell how much it cost. Eh, who needs an inheritance anyways? We’ve got a settlement to rinse, damn it!

Oh, we’re currently at a park trying our best not to be seen or heard but that’s not going to stop me right now. Don’t think anyone has seen me make these bags and bags of books disappear into thin air yet but no time to care if they do.

“Heh, does it really matter that much if we forget one of the dozens of recipe books you plan to bring along Ikarus?”

Petra clearly mocks me with one of my recipe books so I snatch it off her. Just because I don’t cook doesn’t mean I can’t get the slav-, no, workers back at home to do it for me. That was a slip of the mind I’m better make sure I don’t make again.

“It does matter! Don’t you want an extremely lazy world where we can do basically nothing and live like actual queens? I know we do that already but I’m planning for way more modern laziness, maybe someday replace the idiots all with robots as well”

Should also mention some more about the piles of books I’m stuffing into storage, there’s even stuff about automation and efficient farming methods! Of course, I couldn’t give a rat’s arse about pretty much all of it but the second I present this to Marcus, his heart may skip a beat knowing what he can do with all this. That, or the language may not even make sense to them all, I didn’t fucking think of that!

Eh, maybe that can be Ariza’s and Zeki’s job to translate? Oh, who even knows at this point? Because of the automatic translator, maybe the language is closer to English than I first realized?

[<The language is not the same but Ikarus can believe it’s the same if it helps>]

‘Thanks for help, sighhh…’

“…I think… I’m done Petra? Is there anything obvious I’m forgetting?”

“Heh, not sure Ikarus. Maybe there’s an eleventh book on herbs and spices you need?”

[<Why is Ikarus presuming this is the last time we’ll be visiting Earth anyways? As long as we don’t screw around here, the powers that be will allow us to return whenever we want>]

“Very funny Petra, and Aesa, probably because I know how these sorts of things work. For all we know, we’re about to set off a chain of events that’ll stop any return happening”

Talk about red flagging it up but there is some reasoning to my madness. The more and more I think about this all, even if we’re able to someday defeat Zeus, I can’t see this ending exactly how I want it to. Defeating the literal top God has to come with some sacrifices so I’m going into all this with an extremely cautious attitude. First though, we’ve obviously still got to get through all the demon bullshit that’s fast approaching but doesn’t hurt to plan ahead somewhat.

“Let’s find someplace secluded, then we’ll TP back. You end up enjoying this holiday anyways Petra?”

“Heh, more than you could imagine Ikarus. That first hotel in particular really held its charm”

…

“*Sighhh*… can’t get your mind out of the gutter for even a second, can you? Come on then wifey, let’s head home…”