Records of Rebirth

The faces of two small children smiling as I handed them both ice creams floated up in my mind and suddenly, I felt an intense guilt and sadness.

Seven year old James and five year old Nevara. How did I forget about them?

Were they okay? They must be so worried I didn't come home. Had they eaten dinner yet?

They must be really scared and alone in the apartment wondering where I was, while I was stuck here not being able to do anything about it. My panic filled thoughts flooded with even more anxiety.

Would James be able to find the snacks I left in the top cabinet?

He was not tall enough yet to bring them down, but he should be able to reach them if he were to climb a chair. He was a smart kid, so I was sure he would be able to figure it out. But what about after that?

With no parents or relatives to take care of them in my absence, what would happen to them?

No, I can't let that happen. I have to get out of here.

How long exactly had I been gone? It should have been a few hours at most, but I can't be sure about that in this darkness.

Had it only been a few hours or had a whole day passed? I was unable to come to a conclusion with nothing to base my assumptions on.

The uncertainty made me extremely anxious and my mind was racing with wild thoughts again. This whole situation was something that shouldn't have happened to me. I was just a nobody with a boring life. Normally I would go to my part time job right after school and then straight home to prepare dinner for my siblings.

Two pairs of sparkling brown eyes would watch me in amazement while I rustled up meals in a frying pan.

I would purposely put on a great show to entertain them as I expertly flipped omelettes and fried rice in the pan, while watching them admire my efforts with glowing eyes.

But now that I did not come home, didn't that mean they did not eat at all? The thought of them hungry and staring at the door waiting for me pained me more than the searing pain earlier.

Wasn't the reason I was working so hard was so they wouldn't go hungry?

When would I get to cook for them again?

I had to be the worst sister ever to actually forget about them and leave them like that. I needed to get out of this place right now and get back to them.

Being kidnapped was not the better option after all.

The convenience store I worked part time was right below our apartment, so there was no creepy, dark street I had to walk through to get home. So there wasn't any chance to kidnap me, and I usually bought all our food from the same store too, so I didn't have to travel far.

Then, was I abducted somewhere else?

To get to work, I had to leave school first. I did not use public transport to save money and usually walked home.

But how come I didn't even remember leaving school.

The last thing I remembered was being in detention with other kids.

Wait, that's it. Detention. What happened there?

Why was I in detention in the first place?

I was a good student. The responsible older sibling to two young kids in the absence of our parents. I was proud to say I'd raised them both up to be good children.

They never act fussy even when we never had enough to eat, as the pay from my part time job wasn't high and barely enough to just get through.

They would even volunteer to help clean around the house and relieve some of my burden when all the other kids their age only know how to play around.

I was only fifteen years old myself but since I was the oldest, I became the adult of the home. They were both so well behaved even though they had such a useless sister like me who left them alone.

That thought made me want to cry.

Why couldn't I leave this place? I struggled to feel something, anything, but all around me only darkness.

My memories only served as torture due to my inability to do anything. I tried to cry and scream but my voice couldn't pierce the quiet space.

It was like a void that swallowed up every sound I made, leaving me totally helpless.

I was not the kind of person to get into trouble like this. How could I, when the well being of my siblings depended solely on me?

I worked very hard to get good grades year round and was always at the top of my class because I wanted to get into a good university so I could get a high paying job to support them better. So they wouldn't have to worry about anything.

I was so determined I even became the class president and head of the student council to get extra credits and stack up my resume for university application.

Two roles with difficult responsibilities that ate up most of the time I would've otherwise spent taking care of my siblings.

Unlike the majority of the kids in my class, I was not someone from a rich family with a company waiting for me once I graduated or had parents that could get me a job in any company I wanted.

I had to do everything from scratch.

I was ordinary, in a school full of privileged, rich kids who lorded their status over everybody.

If not for my scholarship, I would never be able to come within a hundred feet of the premises.

Yet I did not let that deter me. I hoped to be able to pay for both of my siblings to attend better schools when I graduate, to smoothen their path so they wouldn't have to go through the hell I did when it was their turn.

I wasn't even supposed to be working at my age, yet I had a job since I was twelve.

The kind owner of the convenience store downstairs took pity on me and let me work for her, when I told her the money my aunt paid into my account was only enough to cover the rent of our dingy apartment.

And if we were lucky, maybe a week's worth of groceries.

She was our landlady and the only adult who ever looked out for us. James would know to go to her if he needed help.

When I did not show up for work she would have been concerned. I'd never missed a shift before. I hoped she would come to check on my siblings.

I comforted myself with that knowledge.

I was not a troublemaker. So then, how did I end up in detention?

My memory was hazy, but I was able to recall a conflict between two groups that escalated, leading to a fight breaking out.

I was just a bystander and was happy to remain as such, until one of my classmates noticed me and called me to settle the dispute before teachers got the wind of it.

I was stopped and dragged into the mess just as I was about to leave the class and go home.

Normally I wouldn't have bothered with any of their regular dramas, but as the class president, I was obligated to intervene and settle the issue.

The later memories seemed to be scrambled. But I remember a teacher came in and the dispute seemed to end.

And then, there was a lot of screaming.

I remember myself running, reaching a door, only to find the exit locked.

I felt a searing pain in my back and there was a lot of blood everywhere.

All my strength seemed to leave my body at once and I fell into a pool of red.

I heard a window glass breaking and soon, my vision went dark.