QT: Don't fall in love with the Male Lead

Chapter 185: Don't go through the Eight Sufferings

Xi Zirui is not looking forward to meeting his grandfather. The previous dressing downs and talking tos smart vividly in his mind, like a fresh bruise.

All the way towards the Jade Hall, Xi Zirui wonders if the reason why he got into all that trouble wasn't so that his grandfather would pay attention to him.

He doesn't think he would have the emotional maturity to recognize that before his 'lifetime' on the starting point world, and the many other half ones he spent with Han Yu.

He remembers how Han Zhiye would fuss and tug on Xi Zirui's hair whenever he paid any attention to his sister. Even as Xi Zirui gently scolded him, he would keep making a fuss to ensure his attention remained on him and not the more quiet Han Xiu.

Thinking about it now, Xi Zirui thinks his previous behaviour was motivated by the same fear of being neglected.

Not to mention a deep seated desire for Bai Mi's approval, the older sister he was constantly trying to live up to.

And now he's going to go through his first heavenly tribulation before her.

Xi Zirui turns his wrist and the doors to the Jade Hall flutter open softly, giving way to a bright expanse of white, green and pink jade. 

On top of the raised dais is the dragon throne where his grandfather sits, stern-faced and regal, his long beard oiled to a shine. In the throne next to his sits someone who was Xi Zirui's servant in the second world -- perhaps he shouldn't have been surprised that she betrayed him.

His grandmother sits serenely to the Emperor's left, her wizened features arranged into a pleasant expression, at odds with her husband's thundering scowl.

Xi Zirui wouldn't dare call her 'Granny Ma' here, and it makes his blood run backwards to think of what the repercussions will be, for dragging her along into his world hopping adventure.

"You have displeased us once again," the Jade Emperor says, raising from his throne and clasping his hands behind his back.

Xi Zirui kneels on the floor and prostrates himself. "This one apologizes and accepts whatever punishment grandfather sees fit."

That gives the Jade Emperor pause. Xi Zirui would usually try to defend himself and come up with all manner of explanations for his outrageous behaviour.

For him to accept his guilt so swiftly is unheard of.

"We are glad to see you admit your shortcomings," he continues, stroking his long white beard. "However, we think it is for the best that you go through the heavenly tribulation as soon as possible. Your immaturity is concerning."

Xi Zirui remains kneeling down, his head lowered in obseciance. 

Heavenly tribulations can entail a series of things; from physical tests of endurance and mental fortitude, to challenges to the character and morals, in order for the god to expand their worldview and increase their connection to the universe and all its creatures.

From the way the Jade Emperor is talking, Xi Zirui knows he is angling for the latter. 

There's no way for him to explain that he's no longer the childish boy he was a day ago -- nor does he think it's a good idea to do so.

It could prevent him from meeting Han Yu, from learning about the events that transported him and several other gods into the parallel worlds.

He still doesn't know how he's going to do it, but he needs to ensure it happens -- it feels imperative somehow.

---

The Jade Emperor looks at him from above, his brows knit in concentration. He's taking stock of Xi Zirui's unusual silence, of the fluttering of his eyes as if he's having a long conversation with himself.

His youngest grandson has always been a mystery to him, and he doesn't think that's about to change.

He exchanges a look with his wife who nods at him in encouragement. They agree on how to discipline the boy. His mother spoils him, Lei Zu has always been flighty.

He supposes it's on him not to commit the same mistakes with the newest generation. 

All the Jade Emperors who came before him would surely weep if he was unable to discipline his own grandson.

Xi Zirui is a capricious boy, but he will understand his place in the universe yet. Everyone had theirs, whether they knew it or not. 

Time to make sure Xi Zirui accepts his.

"You'll go through a tribulation of character," he says, looking at boy' nape, made bare by the spill of his hair. He looks unusually young. The old Emperor's heart is almost moved by the pitiful display he makes in such deep prostration. 

He was considering making Xi Zirui go through a full human lifespan, experiencing the eight sufferings from birth to death, in order to instill in him a sense of responsibility -- an appreciation for the tapestry of the universe and everyone's role in it.

Looking at him now, in silent prostration, he feels his heart soften. Maybe a less lengthy tribulation will do.

"Rise," he says with a sigh, the boy obeys him in silence. "We have decided that on account of your youth and inexperience you will only experience four of the eight sufferings(1): the suffering of having to part from those you love, the suffering of having to meet with those you hate, the suffering of being unable to obtain what you desire, and the suffering arising from the flesh and the mind."

He thinks he sees some tension travel through the boy's taut back. No wonder, these are things no god goes through, at least if they are in control of their inner selves -- as they should.

His grandson should be humbled at the prospect of feeling like a human does.

"You'll leave for your trial in four days from the ascension platform." He waits for Xi Zirui's nod of assent. "You are dismissed."

Xi Zirui leaves with one last bow to his grandfather and grandmother, his head held high.

The Jade Emperor lets out a long-suffering sigh and sits back on his throne.

His wife smirks at him. "You're as soft on him as his mother."

"Preposterous," he says, bristling at the very thought.

He's obviously a great disciplinarian, as expected of the ruler of the heavenly realm.

---

Xi Zirui leaves the Jade Hall with a ringing noise in his ears. 

He feels as if he has gone through four of the eight sufferings in all the world's he's been to, already. Somehow that feels relevant, but his head keeps buzzing, preventing him from making a connection that's right in front of him.

He needs to focus, he needs to find his way to Han Yu. 

Su Xueyi taunted him about something they did a lot as children, but for the life of him Xi Zirui can't think of anything. 

There was nothing he "loved" to do with Su Xueyi -- mostly Su Xueyi annoyed Xi Zirui into letting him stay and be a part of whatever he was doing.

He's pacing the halls, trying to get his thoughts in order when he remembers that Ji Limei mentioned the library. At the time he imagined a grand and old library, like the one at his university in the starting world.

But that's not what the library in the Jade palace looks like.

Suddenly it all falls into place, like a puzzle piece he only needed to turn on its axis to be able to fit into the empty space.

He often tried to hide from Su Xueyi in the library, although Su Xueyi always found him.

Once there he would manage to get Su Xueyi to shut up by telling him he was reading and to not disturb him.

Naturally Su Xueyi would have the impression that was something the two of them did 'together'.

He dashes through the halls, following a path he hasn't threaded in a long time. He makes it to the lacquered doors of the library, and gently opens them with a pulse of energy.

The weight of history almost crushes him as soon as the steps inside, his feet barely making a sound as he walks across the polished jade floors. The walls are as towering as he remembers, starkly bright and rising into the sky until they disappear from view, obstructed by clouds.

If he wants a book from the upper levels Xi Zirui will have to fly there.

In every shelf running the distance of the library, is a book accounting the life and death of ever living creature on the universe, across multiple reincarnations -- not only human's, but animal's, plant's -- all their lives a record worth keeping.

And they're all kept here.

Somewhere among these shelves is a book about Han Yu.

---

(1) The full eight Buddhist sufferings are as follows: Eight kinds of universal suffering. They are the four sufferings of birth, aging, sickness, and death, plus the suffering of having to part from those whom one loves, the suffering of having to meet with those whom one hates, the suffering of being unable to obtain what one desires, and the suffering arising from the five components that constitute one's body and mind. Luckily for Xi Zirui he'll only have to go through the last four :D