Only Villains Do That

3.20 In Which the Dark Lord Rethinks His Position

For once, I decided not to make a speech.

Not that I didnt make a spectaclereassuring my new gang about their decision and securing their loyalty was a prioritybut in show business you have to be able to gauge your audience. In my professional opinion, the last thing any of these folks wanted right now was more pressure of any kind. It was a moment for calm and a much-needed sense of security.

So I simply told everyone, in a quiet and empathetic tone, that we were going to be moving as fast as we could on foot without exhausting anybody. I gave instructions that anyone should talk to me if they needed healing, to Zui if there were any other material needs or issues that had to be sorted out, and to Yoshi if Flaethwyn caused them any problems.

Flaethwyn very nearly caused a problem there and then, but Nazralind turned her head to stare, and she subsided, visibly seething.

Youre coming along, then? I asked Gizmit. I know the original plan was for you to rummage around this place and find your own way back, but

But that went down the crack as soon as we found it abandoned, she nodded. Yeah, Im sure I could turn up something else in here with time to work at it, but nothing more valuable than what weve already learned.

Im almost disappointed, Zui said sweetly. You know this guy asked me earlier why I was even along? Ive been waiting for the moment when he realized he had nobody else to navigate back to Sneppits place with you gone.

Obviously I had considered that, I lied with my customary aplomb. For somebody who lives to dish out the snark and banter, Zui, you sure cant seem to take it.

Listen, boy, Rizz cut in. You didnt win that fight, Hoy lost it. That guy is an infamously self-centered shithead, to the point I wonder if hes got a legit brain issue. When you face Jadrak, it wont go down like that. Im very curious how much Jadrak actually believes his pro-goblin talk, but whatever the truth he is very good at presenting himself that way. Hes charismatic, strategic, and commands a lot of fanatical loyalty. He wont mistreat his followers so badly theyll turn on him mid-fight. Do not try to repeat what worked before.

Disagree, Zui stated, all the jocularity gone from her tone. Dont try hitting Jadrak where hes weak; whatever weaknesses hes got are out of your reach. Youve been hitting him where hes strong, and thats your best strategy. The whole time youve been down here youve been sparing goblins when you can, listening to goblins and respecting goblins. All these folks turned against Hoy, yeah, but they turned toward you, and it wasnt for no reason. Every time that happens, the word spreads. Keep laying that groundwork and when it comes time to confront Jadrak, you can give him a real fight in the court of public opinion.

Rizz stared at her, pursed her lips once, and then turned back to me. Well, I cant tell you what to do, Dark Lord, and wouldnt even if I thought youd obey me. You asked for my input, and now youve got it.

And I appreciate it, I said, not having to fake the sincerity. I may or may not take any particular piece of advice, but I want to know as much as possible about goblin society before doing anything thatll change the course of it.

Be careful about Sneppit. Shes sly, and self-interested. Sos that one, Rizz added, tilting her head toward Gizmit, who just looked amused. Zui heres got questionable judgment sometimes, but shes still worth listening tojust like those other two, if for different reasons. Id recommend you take the time to get input from all these new faces youve just picked up, too.

Not like we wont have the chance, I said, glancing back at the crowd of goblins shuffling about the corridor, waiting for us to get underway. I did not raise my voice, but also didnt trouble to moderate it, trusting those big ears to do the trick. Im always open to input, from whoevers got something of value to say.

Hopefully that wouldnt come back to bite me. As long as they came one at a time and didnt suggest anything too insane, I shouldnt have to walk back that assurance later.

As we set out through the tunnels with Gizmit and Zui in the lead, I was indeed approached for a discreet conversation, but not by any of the goblins. To my surprise it was Nazralind who eased up next to me and spoke in a tone low enough to be not easily overheard.

Hey, I know its hilarious and deserved and all that, butmay wanna ease off taking shots at Flaethwyn.

I gave her a surprised sidelong look. Is this elven solidarity?

Hah! No, she snorted. Call it threat assessment. Shes fun to poke at because she overreacts to everythingwhich makes her dangerous to poke at. Potentially, at least. Im not saying Flaethwyns gonna murder somebody, but mostly because I think most of us could take her. Someone that high-strung can snap, and it really doesnt seem like we need the extra drama right now.

Mmm. I suppose it makes sense to hold back a bit when its not strictly necessary, we wouldnt want her to get desensitized to being slapped down when it is.

Which is fairly regularly, yes.

Since you brought it up, why is she so afraid of you? Did you murder somebody I dont know about?

Naz grinned. Heh, nothing so romantic. Nah, she just hasnt adjusted to our new situation. Thats a case of highborn power dynamics being applied where they dont belong.

I raised my eyebrows, glancing at her again. Nazralind carried on walking, eyes front. After a momentary pause, she continued her explanation.

Clan Adellaird has holdings on one of the outlying regions of Dlemath; they control the other end of the landbridge from Dount. Its a somewhat prestigious holding, but theyve never held an island governorship like Clan Aelthwyn does. Flaethwyn is the fifth daughter of a branch family, and so about as unimportant to the succession as possible. Shes so far down their list of priorities she was only assigned one maedhlou, which is I dont want to say unheard of, because it does happen, but most highborn families dont squeeze out so many daughters that they entirely give up caring about their prospects, which is what that signifies.

Hang on. I started to glance back, but decided against it. No reason to let the volatile object of our discussion know she was being talked about. Are you talking about Pashilyn?

Yup, thats the one, she nodded.

Thats so much detail. What are you, her biographer?

Clan Alethwyn and Clan Adellaird have been enemies at least as long as Ive been alive. Tensions over actual, material concerns from the last generation escalated into outright antipathy thanks to my uncle being Well, himself. Youd better believe I was briefed on the political details of that family. Everything thats public knowledge and even possibly useful.

I wouldnt have thought there was so much hostility between Clans, what with that prohibition on bloodshed.

Oh, trust me, there is no hatred more bitter than between aristocrats who arent allowed to murder each other, she said in a particularly wry tone. Anyway, Flaethwyn is as lowly ranked as you can be in Fflyr Dlemathlys and still be an elf. I am the oldest of my generation, a member of the main family of my Clanwhich is its only family, currentlyand since my uncle and aunt have no children, Im actually in the line of succession for Dounts governorship. Not at the top, since I have brothers, but I am as highly ranked as an unmarried woman can be among highborn, without being royal. So if we were still back home in polite society, especially with this island being my familys fief, I could ruin her life with a few well-chosen words. And given the relationship between our families, she would have to expect that Id do so at the first pretext.

Anddoes any of that apply at allhere?

Obviously not, she chuckled, then her expression quickly sobered. Which is why Im suggesting taking a somewhat gentler tone toward Flaethwyn. I only know the public, political details, not what her home life was like, but Ive met a lot of people like her among highborn. People who were raised to think power is the only dynamic that exists between people, who embrace rank and privilege where they should consider friendship, familial affection, or loveand also who depend on that social power for what they see as their very survival. In her way, Flaethwyn has given up everything to follow the Hero, just as your followers have. If you threaten her standing in his eyes, shes going to react as if youd threatened her life. Somaybe tone it down just a smidge?

Ill take it into consideration, I conceded. Whew, though. I gotta say, none of this wouldve occurred to me on my own.

Yeah, nobles are crazy. Be glad youre normal enough not to have to think like this.

Just ahead of us, Zui turned her head to give me a thoughtful look, just for a moment.

What? I demanded irritably.

She just smiled, shrugged, and turned back around.

We tried to stick roughly to the path of the tram tunnel, but just trudging along it wasnt an option as parts of it had no bottom, just an endless fall to the coreor down a crevice so deep it wasnt much better. Apparently there was also a general lack of sufficient access corridors bypassing these sections, as such would have to be tunneled right out of the rock and Sneppits company didnt have many rock-digging specialists. She had mostly contracted that work out to, you guessed it, Jadraks mining companyand apparently relations between the two had been getting frostier since before this Goblin King business started.

So, in addition to not having the convenience of trams to ride, our course was somewhat more meandering as we had to straggle through a combination of side tunnels and natural caverns passing in and around the main tram corridor.

None of these had light sources, since goblins didnt need them. For the rest of us, I obligingly used my light spellas did Pashilyn, who it turned out had oneand Flaethwyn and Nazralind lit up their auras for us. I was still holding back the revelation that Aster and I could now do that too, both on general principles that the Hero party didnt need to know all our business, and specifically because after my chat with Naz I was concerned that revelation would cause Flaethwyn to have an aneurysm, or an attack of homicidal mania.

Guess our dark elf buddy got lost at some point, Biribo commented.

What? How can you tell?

The light elf aura counters dark elf stealth.

What? When the hell were you going to tell me this?!

As always, boss, when it became relevant. You specifically said you didnt wanna push at the dark elf, remember? You were gonna wait and let em come out on their own. Anyway, its not like Im the only one here who knows this. Right, Nazralind?

I turned an accusing look on the glowing elf and she raised both hands in surrender.

Hey, its not as simple as having a magic stealth-neutralizing effect! Our auras tend to counter their stealth, but how that actually plays out in practice depends entirely on the parties involved. Both kinds of gifts come in different strengths and, uhflavors, for lack of a better word. And both can be trained in different ways. An actual, professional shadow scout like were assuming this one is wont be so easy to reveal.

Well, still, I grumbled. This one Idve liked to know ahead of time. It will be nice to have a firm counter if I run out of patience with our stalker before they decide to be sociable.

Yeeeaaah, Aster drawled, maybe thats not an argument in favor of telling you stuff.

Shut up, Aster.

Gizmit had warned me before we set out that we werent going to make very good time with close to forty people on the move, which made sense. We scrounged some leftovers from the mining company base, and both our strike force and a lot of the new goblins had brought some basic supplies, so we should be fine for as long as it would take to get back to Sneppits on foot. Gizmit estimated that wed need to stop for the night and should get there fairly early in the morning.

I was worried about the defenses around the North Watch tunnel and what else Jadrak was up to in and around Kzidnak, but there was nothing to be done about it but hustle. Besides, as a silver lining, this gave us time to work on the new hires. Maizo should have plenty of time to rustle up some good intel, and given how outspoken goblins in general were I expected theyd take up my offer to come talk to me about whatever was on their minds.

But for the first three hours of our long hikenope.

This surprises you? Zui scoffed when I commented on itvery quietlyduring a short break. Youre the fuckin Dark Lord. You just fought the scariest bastard theyve ever known to a draw, right in front of em. These people have been swept up in a revolution and then press-ganged to raid their own former HQ by a maniac. Nobody here is gonna want the personal attention of another powerful magic man with designs of conquest.

Hmph. I frowned at the far wall of the smallish cavern wed stopped in, considering her point. Id positioned myself some distance away from the big cluster of goblins, largely because I had noticed they seemed a little nervous with me too close. I hadnt thought it was as bad as she made it sound, though.

Whats that expression? Zui asked incredulously. Are you sad?

Its not like my feelings are hurt, I retorted, a little defensive despite myself. I justwant to ward off any future problems, thats all. Im accustomed to being on decently friendly terms with my followers. It worries me a bit that theyre just scared of me. Fears a useful tool, sure, butonly in a very particular way, yknow? You cant maintain authority through fear alone, thatll backfire.

She stared up at me through narrowed eyes.

What? What is that look?

Slowly, Zui shook her head, then hopped down from the ledge on which shed been perched to get a little closer to my eyeline. Goblins are inquisitive and assertive, but building actual loyalty or camaraderie takes time. Dont push at em, youll just scare em more. Keep being a reasonable dude and theyll come around.

She hesitated, opened her mouth as if about to say something else, then closed it, shook her head, and walked away.

I dont get that girl, I complained.

People have hidden depths, boss, Biribo said sagely.

Is that a cleavage joke?

You said it, not me.

It was another hour after we got moving again before I had my first positive interaction with one of the ex-Jadrak loyalists. I recognized the guy who came up to walk alongside me; he was the first to have turned his slingshot on Hoy. After staring fixedly at a fresh corpse he recognized. None of us were having a great day, but I had the impression he had it worse than most.

Sowhats gonna happen to us at Sneppits place? he asked by way of opening.

Youll all get what you need, I said. Food, treatment, a place to rest. I understand its a bit crowded in there at the moment, but when I checked in with Sneppit the supply situation was stable. Everybody should be okay.

He nodded. And then we gotta fight King Jadrak.

I have to fight Jadrak. Me and Yoshi over there, maybe some of the other Blessed. You have to fight his followers, at worst.

My old coworkers, a lot of em.

Yup. Its a real motherfucker of a situation, isnt it? Civil wars are some ugly shit. My strategy is still being built and has to adapt on the fly, but I promise you my main focus is to minimize casualties. All this will settle down once Jadraks out of the picture. I just have to find a way to do that which causes the least possible dead goblins.

He doesnt talk like that, he said suddenly, after pausing just long enough I wondered if the conversation was over. The Goblin King. Nothing about minimizing casualties. Its all aboutsacrifice. How well never be free unless were willing to die for it.

I meanhes not a hundred percent wrong, I admitted. Im running into the same problem up top. When youre fighting an entrenched power structure, theres just no way to make gains without casualties. Damn, though, I cant imagine ranting at everybody to throw their lives down for the cause. And I love ranting. I think Im one of Ephemeras premier ranters. Right, guys?

Its true, he rants like a champion, Aster agreed.

But, like, in an entertaining way, Adelly added. Its like seeing a bard work, or a preacher. Its a show.

Sending people into the grinder like meat isnt the thing to rant about, though, I said. If youre wanting an explanation of Jadraks thought process, I cannot help you. I dont know what he thinks his endgame is, unless hes really counting on his pet devil to pull something out of its ass. Hes got goblins out there wasting each others lives as if his next step wasnt starting a fight with the Clanswhich is a fight you have to know Kzidnak has zero chance of winning. Maybe if hed allied with me first, but if that was the plan sending his henchmen to slaughter the goblins I was doing business with was a strange move.

And hes a Void witch, my new acquaintance said in a dull tone, staring ahead. The Goblin King is a Void witch.

Imnot sure, completely, I admitted. Hoy is a Void witch. We found that Spirit, Digger, which they corrupted into a Void altar. Its not like weve actually seen Jadrak using Void magic himself, soI cant say. At the very least, hes been trafficking with devils and wasting goblins by the fistful like theyre candy. Ive got more than enough reason to put his ass down without blaming him for stuff Im not completely sure hes done. Yet.

And whatre you gonna do for us, then? He looked up at me, and I couldnt see either condemnation or hope in his eyes. He was just blank, and tired. Resigned. What happens after we throw in with the Dark Lord? Glorious victory, freedom? Conquest?

Fuck knows, man, I sighed. The only thing Im sure about is its all going to get uglier before it gets better.

We walked in quiet for a moment, then I felt strangely compelled to speak.

Ive been telling my peoplewell, not dissimilar from Jadraks line. I dont promise anything except revenge on those whove wronged us. Because I cant promise anything more than that, and theres nothing I hate more than being made a liar. Its a violent, ugly world out there and everythings stacked against us. We have to fight back, because the alternative is justlying down and waiting to get ground up by the system. YeahI can see where Jadraks coming from, up to a point.

He looked up at me again, silently.

But now that Im seeing where that leads, I said slowly, Im reconsidering. This cant be the best we can do. Justeverybody dead and nothing gained. In a twisted way, I kind of owe him thanks for the important lesson.

You got a better idea? he asked.

I dont know any more than you where all this is going to lead, I admitted. But I know the first step. All of this is happening to all of us because were all turned against each other instead of the people who are out there doing it to us. Step one is unity. Solidarity. Goblins, lowbornbandits and whores and exiles, women and queers and beastfolk, everybody whos not given a chance or a fair shake in this country. Because, when you actually start to list them all, you cant help noticing that is almost everybody. This miserable, unjust mess of a country only exists to benefit a very tiny number of assholes. They only get to be in charge because were all fighting each other instead of them. Just like Jadrak. If we can get everybody on the same page, pointed in the same direction

I realized I had everybodys attention, not just the goblins Id been talking to. The soft buzz of conversation had vanished, leaving only the sound of our footsteps. Yoshis party in particular were staring fixedly at me, all of their expressions intent and hard to interpret.

Well, I shrugged, and put on a little smile. Then youll see some real shit.

You want my advice, my new goblin friend said pensively, thats a better angle than promising revenge. Weve heard that before, and damn is that not a good deal now that were seeing it in action. We all need something better.

Yeah. Yes, we do. I am definitely going to need a lot of help to make that happen, though. Tell you what, I know you goblins are good at building stuff. I definitely need some good minds working on solutions. You in?

He looked up at me again, and finally cracked his lips in a smile. Thats the best idea Ive heard in forever. That, or the worst.

Its a little of both, isnt it, I chuckled.

Hey, Omura? I looked up to find Yoshi had approached me, wearing a concerned expression. I need to I mean, not urgently, but when we stop to camp for the night. Can I talk to you? In private? Its important.

Oh, boy, I did not have a good feeling about this.

Sure, Yoshi.