Only Villains Do That

2.26 In Which the Dark Lord Spills the Tea

Flaerdwyd lowered his hands, dropped the spell, and sank back into his chair, looking sickly and terrified. I followed him for a moment with the tip of the rapier before finally removing it, and re-sheathing the weapon.

Behind me, Nazralind separated herself from the women along the dining rooms walls and pulled out the chair at the end of the table. We hadnt discussed this, but I immediately saw the symbolic importance: Highlord Yviredh sat at the tables head, flanked by his wife and son, with his daughter and Flaerdwyd at the places below that.

I seated myself, trusting Nazralinds instincts when it came to aristocratic pageantry.

What have you done with our people? the Lady of the house demanded. Naz had told me her name was Elidred, which earned her at least a little pity from me. Our guards? Servants?

Lady Elidred was looking at me with an expression that suggested she would have already lunged with her steak knife if her children werent in the room and in crossbow range. Flaerdwyd and the kids looked frightened by all this; the Highlord himself just wore a resigned expression, and his wife was snapping mad.

Mad, and concerned for her subjects. I had to remind myself that these people had recently been keeping (for all intents and purposes) slaves on their farms until their valuable still-(effectively) slave had leaned on them to stop. I just kept seeing and hearing little details that made me like them. It was annoying.

They have been regrettably inconvenienced, nothing more. I beg you not to punish those currently asleep at their posts; you have my assurance they had no choice in the matter.

I certainly would not have, she said icily. Asleep? Is that a euphemism?

I shook my cowled head. The alchemy costs more than crossbow ammunition, my lady, but I consider it worth the investment to avoid spilling blood, particularly that of people with whom I have no argument.

Lady Elidred actually seemed slightly mollified. Angry enough to murder, sure, but no longer on the cusp of trying.

Then let me assure you, ahLord Healer, her husband interjected, your sole argument is with me. I alone set these events into motion. As you have shown concern for the less fortunate and those caught between us, I beg you to dismiss my wife and children from this room and your attention.

Sure, to rouse the guards and do god knew what else. I sympathized with him, but strategically? No.

I did not come here with the intention of harming anyone, Highlord It was Highlord Adver, I believe?

He grimaced faintly and enunciated. Nearly. My name is Adver.

Thats what I just said, you fucking

I kept myself still and let the moment pass. Unfortunately, what I intend does not always come to pass. For now, I prefer to remain in full control of the situation, so as to ensure no one comes to unnecessary harm.

Lady Elidred curled her lip in contempt, while her husband just gave me a long, flat look.

If you have a family of your own, my lord, he said, you will understand what a paltry assurance that is.

I encourage you to judge me by my actions rather than words, I replied with a magnanimous gesture of both hands. Of course, you havent yet seen for yourself that your people are unharmedbut you can see that I have gone to the trouble of doing all this when it would have been far easier to wait four hours, kill you all while you slept and loot this place to the ground.

All of them stiffened in alarm at the thought, understandably, but the two adults both frowned in comprehension. It wasnt exactly a comforting awareness, but it was true: I had gone well out of my way to avoid inflicting harm. Just as the interlopers creeping through North Watch had done. Sauce for the dark elves was sauce for the Dark Lord.

For that matter, I continued after giving it a moment to soak in, if I were out for revenge, I wouldnt need to exert myself at all. It would suffice to notify Highlord Caldimer or Archlord Caludon that Clan Yviredh is harboring a sorcerer who can cast Null, and aided Lady Gray in her battles.

I assure you, as someone for whom it has been a pressing concern of late, it is not so easy to gain an audience with greater powers than oneself.

Highlord Adver managed to be wry and self-deprecating in the face of fourteen loaded crossbows; he didnt trouble to pretend he was not afraid, but controlled it masterfully.

Granted, the likes of them have no business with any scruffy Healer. I reached up with both hands and lowered my cowl, letting the light fall across my features. It felt like a bigger moment than it probably was; this was an open secret around the Gutters already. I was pretty sure even Norovena knew. Still, first time Id deliberately unmasked myself in front of highborn. So, naturally, it would not be the Healer who approached them.

Are we meant to have some idea who you are? Lady Elidred demanded scornfully.

Well, so much for that. I couldnt exactly fault the woman for asserting what little of her accustomed dominance was left in this situation, even though I felt provoked enough that my reply came out less friendly than Id planned.

Have you ever known someone important enough to matter? It was a nice change to be dealing with people pale enough that I could tell when they blushed; Elidreds expression darkened even more than her cheeks. What matters is that Caludon is interested in Lord Seiji. That can happen, when one takes a lead role in destroying crime syndicates in his domain instead of helping prop them up.

They flinched.

Just as I opened my mouth to move on to my main point, the boy suddenly surged to his feet, thrusting his chair violently back. Immediately several crossbows swiveled to point at him but fortunately my people werent trigger-happy enough to embarrass me by shooting the kid.

Enough! the boy barked, brandishing an accusing finger at me. Ill not sit here and tolerate these insults! You, Lord Seiji, will prove your merit on the field of skill or prove the frailty of your character!

Ediver, sit down, his mother hissed.

You are embarrassing us in front of the bandits, added his sister in a low growl.

Lord Ediver, who couldnt have been even Yoshis age, stood his ground, pointing and glaring at me while I blinked, struggling to parse his demand. It took enough seconds that several of my masked followers began snickering again, causing the boy to flush bright scarlet. It had probably never occurred to him that being laughed at by lowborn was something that even could happen.

Ah, I said finally. So this country has a dueling tradition? How quaint.

What say you then, brigand? Ediver said, raising his chin and striving to look commanding despite the vivid pink of his ears.

Lord Ediver, he will kill you, Flaerdwyd stage whispered urgently.

No ones killing anyone, I stated, holding up both hands. Thank you for the offer, my lord, but Ill pass.

Hah! He folded his arms, tilting his head back in a misguided attempt to look down his nose at me. Then be known as a coward!

Ill tell you an important secret, young man, I replied in a mild tone. When you hold someones life in the palm of your hand, you dont need to care whether he thinks youre a coward.

Son, Highlord Adver began.

Thats just the kind ofof moralizing I would expect from a coward! Ediver sneered.

I dont think moralizing was actually the word he wanted, there.

Dont like that one, hm? I have more. For instance: youll note that your father, to whom you should be looking for your cues in matters of both rank and familial piety, did not offer to duel me. So, either you consider him a coward, or you are undermining his chosen strategy. Which is it, Lord Ediver?

The kid blushed harder, to the point I actually began to be concerned for his blood pressure. Finally, with clear trepidation, he turned to look toward his parents for cues. From his father he got only a hard stare.

Young Lord of Clan Yviredh, you will be seated and silent, Lady Elidred said in a quiet voice that held six winters worth of ice.

Ediver just sank, shame-faced, back into his chair, not even noticing that one of my armed and masked followers discreetly held it for him. His mother did, then did a tiny double-take as she saw the pale skin and dark eyes above the mask. I couldnt tell which of the noblewomen it was; Nazralind was over here by me.

I appreciate your restraint, Lord Seiji, said Highlord Adver, nodding to me.

Courage is a valuable quality, I replied. Once he learns to temper it with some circumspection, the lad will go far. Anyway, I hardly consider it restraint; I dont tolerate harm to children. Now, where were we?

I believe we were at your mercy in our own home, Lady Elidred replied in a tone which had gained no warmth.

Waiting, her husband added, to discuss what amends we might offer for the inconvenience Clan Yviredh has inadvertently caused you.

Inconvenience, I enunciated slowly. That is certainly a way to put it. Ah, I know! Master FurRhaem, why dont you bring everybody up to speed?

He gave me a sidelong look filled with terror. I returned a benign smile.

If you would, recount how our last meeting ended. The very moment of our parting, specifically.

Flaerdwyd cringed; his eyes darted around to the various crossbows in the room, several of which were pointed right at him, and he swallowed heavily.

II cast my spell toto stifle your magic, he said weakly. And

Go on, I prompted after a prolonged moment in which he seemed to struggle for words.

And they shot you, he whispered. With crossbows.

How many times, Rhaem?

II didnt Its not as if I could have counted, L-lord S-seiji

I smiled gently, which he did not appear to find reassuring. Guess.

I-it had to be at least a dozen.

Not bad! It was sixteen. Not to worry, Rhaem, that must have been hard to spot in all that chaos in the middle of the night. They were much easier to count while being pulled out.

All of them cringed at that. Even Lady Elidred averted her eyes in evident shame.

Please continue, I said, still smiling. What happened next?

Flaerdwyd gulped again. Youyou fell. Into the river.

The river containing all the filth and refuse of Gwyllthean, I said, smiling wider. Bleeding from sixteen impalements. If youve not had the pleasure, by the way, it is quite impossible to swim in that river due to the current and obstructions; youd drown even if you werent full of quarrels. I wonder if any of you would care to hazard a description of what that feels like.

All of them were now pale and looked sickly at the thought. With one exception.

How did you survive? the youngest child of Clan Yviredh asked breathlessly. I hadnt been paying her much attention but she was now staring avidly at me as if this were a story arranged for her entertainment. Which was a bit surreal, considering, but I am nothing if not a performer.

I always survive, I replied, giving her a wink. Ah, but that must sound like a tall tale! Perhaps a demonstration? I know! Someone provide the Highlord with a weapon.

That really isnt

Highlord Advers interjection was cut off by one of my followers stepping forward and plunking a loaded crossbow down in front of him, next to and halfway on top of his half-eaten meal. He looked down at the illegal weapon on his dining room table as if it were a live snake. Ediver, into whose plate one of its arms protruded, leaned uneasily away, while Lady Elidred curled her lip in disgust.

Go on, then, I said pleasantly, spreading my arms. Take a free shot, Highlord. No hard feelings for it, upon my word. Only at me, I should clarify; if you harm any of my people the ensuing discussion will be less civil. But I can take it, as you will soon see.

Silence reigned for a moment.

All things considered, Lord Seiji, Adver finally said in an admirably controlled tone, I believe I am inclined to take you at your word.

And I prefer to have no violence in my dining room, Lady Elidred added sharply, or I suppose I should say no further violence. You have discomfited my servants quite enough without forcing them to scrub blood out of absolutely everything.

Pretty rich, coming from someone who had never scrubbed anything in her life and didnt plan to. Still, not without a point.

Quite right, my lady, how ill-mannered of me. My humble apologies. I gestured and the woman whod yielded her weapon stepped forward to retrieve it. Hard to tell with the masks and cloaks, but by her height I thought it was Ydleth. We were discussing the details of my previous encounter with master Fwith Rhaem, here.

I hesitated for a fraction of a second, then changed tactics. My next line hadnt been part of the original plan, but I considered what Id seen of these people and their household up till now and decided to play a hunch.

Tell me, Rhaem. Or my lord and lady, if you happen to be aware. Do you know specifically why you were brought into conflict with me in the first place?

Not out of any spite toward you, Lord Seiji, Adver hastened to answer. It is undoubtedly of no consolation to you, but it is the truth. Our intervention was motivated purely by an urgent need for profit. Clan Yviredh bore you no personal grudge.

I am well aware of that, I said mildly, hence the relatively civil tone I have chosen to take toward you. No, the grudge was Lady Grays, which you chose to assist her in prosecuting. I am asking if you know the reason for it.

We are hardly versed in the details of criminal gang warfare, Elidred replied, raising her chin.

Oh? I gave her a pleasant smile. That being the case, getting involved in it would seem singularly unwise. I waited to see the lowering of her eyebrows and the darkening of her cheeks in acknowledgment of my point before continuing. Rhaem? You spent the evening in the company of Grays best and brightest. You must have been told some details.

Shethey said You, um, were moving in on her territory, he mumbled.

Oh, is that what they told you. That Im just another gangster, hm? You must have found it rather confusing when the Kingsguard turned up to back my plan against her.

Thats not what I heard, the girl said unexpectedly. Nazralind had told me her name, but I couldnt remember. She seemed to be about twelve or thirteen, and still intrigued by all this in a way that the rest of her family were not. The Healer went around the Gutters helping prostitutes, isnt that right?

Avelit, where did you hear such things? her mother demanded.

I was starting to like this kid, so I rescued her.

Exactly that, I said, nodding graciously to the girl. I healed the women of Cat Alley. Made them less dependent on her, and ultimately, free of her entirely. I cost Lady Gray tremendously in money and prestigenot by taking over her businesses, but by wiping out a large source of the human suffering from which she drew a profit.

All five of them raised their eyes, looking around at the crossbow-toting figures surrounding them. The cloaks and masks didnt help, but not all of them were in the newer and more practical clothing wed been putting together for everybody back at the fortress. Most had newer clothes, but a surprising number still chose to wear their old Cat Alley attire; Sakin had advised me not to make a thing of it, as those short robes Fflyr women all wore didnt have skirts long enough to tangle their legs or impede movement. Several had added layers of tight undergarments, but others were still brazenly showing a truly unnecessary amount of cleavage and leg. It might not be immediately obvious that all of these people were women, but it was clear that at least some were. I watched the nobles and Flaerdwyd put it together, and gave them a beat of silence in which to do so.

A lot of them were indentured to various brothels in which Gray had a stake, I went on, mostnearly all, in factfraudulently. If I really wanted to put you off your dinner, I would describe the beating, deprivation, and abuse these women suffered there. It makes my own little dip in the river seem like nothing, crossbows and all. I sincerely hope you were paid well to aid Lady Gray in trying to put them back in their place, and punish me for liberating them from it.

I gave them another three beats of silence, watching their faces. Elidred had closed her eyes, looking pained, and even Avelit seemed to have had the enthusiasm knocked out of her finally. Ediver looked like he might be sick, Highlord Adver was staring morosely at the center of the table, and poor Flaerdwyd was a portrait of human misery.

Are you proud of yourselves? I asked quietly.

In unison, all five flinched, hunched their shoulders and lowered their faces, and I knew my little gambit had paid off. These were nobles who blithely profited from a horribly abusive power structurewell, except Flaerdwydbut they werent bad people. At least, they didnt want to think they were. It must have taken a lot of deliberately cultivated ignorance to protect that self-image, and tearing a hole in it had hit them harder than any physical attack I could threaten.

The man of the house rallied first, fittingly enough. Highlord Adver inhaled deeply, squared his shoulders, and deliberately lifted his head to meet my gaze directly.

I will offer no excuse, Lord Seiji, only repeat my assertion that the full responsibility for these actions is my own. Even Rhaems part in this has been under my control and not through his own agency. I cannot imagine what recompense I might offer for what you suffered, but I shall hear your demands and do the best I can. My only request is that no punishment befall my family, my staff, or any other innocents caught up in this. I am at your mercy.

I held his gaze in another long moment of silence, then drummed my fingers once on the table.

I think you have the right of it, Highlord. You cannot imagine what recompense would be appropriate. Nor can I. Having lived through that experience, I really could not put a price on it in coinage. So, I suppose I could simply take my vengeance

All of them stiffened, and I let them twist for a second.

but really, what productive end could that accomplish? It would only create a new host of problems and, to be honest, probably wouldnt even make me feel better. No, the truth is I didnt come here to punish you. On the contrary, I wish to do business.

All of them looked wary now, save Avelit who was back to being interested and excited, though she remained quiet. Girl had more self-control than her older brother, at least.

I would like to disdain the idea of making common cause with a criminal, Lady Elidred said, grimacing, but I suppose we have rather divested ourselves of the right to make that claim, have we not?

I salute your self-awareness, I said with a cheerful smile. And I mean that sincerely. Its not a common virtue of your social class. The simple fact, my lords and ladies, is that our interests align. Your situation is that the Yviredh bloodline will be stripped of its Clan status by the next generation unless you can somehow arrange a marriage alliance for the young Lady Avelit, with the palest, blondest highlord you can find who is also somehow so desperate that he can be prevailed upon to take her name rather than than the customary reverse. A tall order, even if you somehow manage to obtain the significant riches you hope Rhaem here can provide you. A tall enough order that if you can manage to scrounge up any such candidate, Clan Yviredh will be unable to afford such further niceties as selecting a prospect whom you can be assured will not mistreat the lady one he can claim a husbands privileges. Not to mention that this will necessarily mean Lord Ediver must abdicate his claim to primary inheritance in order to let this putative stranger take his role as Highlord.

They were all visibly unhappy at this recitation, the two kids both looking distinctly queasy. I felt rather awful about how all the life seemed to have drained from Avelit on the spot, but hell, this part of the mess was no doing of mine.

In short, I summarized, planting my elbows on the table and leaning forward to stare at them over my interlaced fingers, you are in trouble.

This was the point where I would begin offering any reasonable people in this situation my assistance in making the transition out of noble status smoothhelping secure business interests that would continue to support their children when they were no longer landowners with a productive fief and a dominant social position, but Nazralind had vehemently warned me against this.

It seemed that cases like the Auldmaer familys, wherein deposed Fflyr nobles got to work repositioning themselves in a profitable sector that could continue to support them in a comfortable style, were very much the exception and not the rule. Far more common was for a newly reduced family, flush with the liquidated remains of their treasury and divested of the lands and titles which provided their income, would purchase an upper ring townhouse in Gwyllthean and carry on living in as close to their previous style as they could manage.

Yes, without any income to speak of, just burning through savings. I had been deeply skeptical that such stupidity could be that common, but Nazralind had been backed up by a chorus of her followers till I had to reluctantly decide they knew what they were talking about. Depending on the size of their liquid assets, these newly-lowborn families might last as much as a generation or as little as a year, but by far the majority simply used up their reserves in idleness and then suddenly found themselves in a completely avoidable second drop down the social ladder into true poverty.

Men could often find careers which needed an educated person in the government bureaucracies, the Radiant Convocation, or the officer program of the KingsguardI suspected that was Norovenas story. Quite a few of both sexes tried their luck in the Kings Guild, though adventuring was very much a series of dice rolls. Formerly noble women might seek to advance themselves through a good marriage, but were just as likely to settle for a less secure role as some aristocrats mistress. If they were lucky. A more genteel version of Cat Alley existed in the middle ring, where more highly-trained courtesans plied their trade to customers with deep pocketsand often with as little choice as the Alley cats. Pale and brown-haired women working at those establishments were very likely to do so under a contract of indenture, because their families had a known tendency to plunge deep into debt with no plan at all for getting out of it.

This, Nazralind had impressed upon me, was the core delusion of the highborn that I needed to work around rather than trying to push past: to them, the loss of highborn status was the apocalypse. It was the end of their world, and everything they know. Nothing lay beyond it, in their minds. Social demotion represented such an incomprehensible abyss that many of them simply could not face the ideaeven, in many cases, after they were already past it and living a new, lowborn reality.

The Yviredhs were just not going to do the smart thing, and nothing I could say would make them. I could make good use of their gaping blind spot to maneuver them under my thumb, however. The idea honestly felt sleazier than a lot of the violence and manipulation in which Id engaged thus far, but I didnt angst over it too much. They might be nice aristocrats, but that was a relative distinction, and their hands were far from clean.

Your situation is worse than you know, I said, hammering the point home, and your dangers far more immediate. My appearance here is only the first consequence of your extremely ill-advised foray into organized crime, not the worst. The end result will be Clan Aelthwyn and Clan Olumnach learning you have a Null caster, and that you used him in aid of Lady Grays dying organization. The Archlord will take FurudRhaem, of course. Whether or not hell care about that business with Lady Gray I dont know. He seems an unpredictable fellow, from what Im told. But Highlord Caldimer will care very much, as I think you know. His obsession with Lady Gray is deeply personal, and he is not a forgiving man.

There isI mean, we have no reason to think any of the other Clans even could find out, Highlord Adver said, looking a shade paler than hed been a moment ago. Ahthat is, of course, once you and I come to an arrangement. Obviously, I will gladly and handsomely reward your discretion, Lord Seiji.

I heaved a sigh. Im not going to take your money for a service I cant provide, Highlord. The secret will get out. Or how do you think I found out who you are?

His eyes widened in realization and his wife turned a similarly wide-eyed stare on him. They had seriously not considered this until that very moment, huh? My god, these people were as deep over their heads as I was. Worse, in fact.

I learned of Rhaem and his patrons from a goblin information broker, I continued, making them all flinch again. The knowledge is out there. You are currently sitting in a brief reprieve because their Clans are as reluctant as yours to talk to the scurrilous types who could fill them in, but that wont last forever. Clan Olumnach already deals withwell, look who Im talking to, you know very well how they make their money. I dont know how long it will take, but my guess is not very. The word will spread, and the hammer will fall.

You are foreign, said Elidred, gamely trying to rally her haughty courage. The Clans of Fflyr Dlemathlys do not spill one anothers blood. This covenant has held since the Liberation. It will not be broken over this.

Okay, lets say Highlord Caldimer isnt too volatile to respect that, I replied, gesturing magnanimously. Ive heard differing reports on the matter, but well assume it for the sake of argument. Say all thats going to happen to you is that you lose your Null caster, along with every silver disc you were paid by Lady Gray and whatever other punitive damages the Archlord chooses to impose.

All of them were cringing already, but I didnt give them even a second to regroup.

There is a lot a man in control of this islands bandit gangs can do to make your lives miserable without spilling one drop of your noble blood. I do hope youve enjoyed being able to send or receive anything from this house without having it seized in transit, because those days are about to end. For that matter, I think you will find it rather impossible to defend your lands from bandit raids when your Clansguard is a handful of men barely sufficient to hold your own house against attack. This close to Gwyllthean, you depend on the Kingsguard and your neighbors for protection, am I right? How do you imagine that will go when you have active enemies and the personal annoyance of Archlord Caludon?

I allowed them to welter in the reality of their situation for four beats. Poor Ediver looked like he was struggling not to cry.

As it so happens, I finally said in a milder tone, leaning back in the dining chair and favoring them with a languid smile, our interests align. My own plans focus heavily on the eventual removal of Caldimer Olumnach as a player of any significant import on this island, and in the short term, his thorough inability to spare any resources to come after you, or anyone else. I can also provide a safe place to shelter Rhaem beyond the reach of the Archlord. I wont promise not to put his skills to work, should I find a need, but I can guarantee his safe return once the danger passes or a suitable business partner can be found. I will warn you, however, that all of this is contingent upon his willing participation. My organization will not be party to anyones enslavement.

I am here by my own agreement, Flaerdwyd interjected, leaning forward and staring fervently at me. Highlord Adver and Lady Elidred have been incredibly kind to metheyve given me everything. I am proud to do my part to secure Clan Yviredhs future!

So all that bit about him not acting on his own agency was bunk, then. I decided not to make an issue of it; Adver had been trying to direct my anger at himself and away from Rhaem, which I frankly admired.

Good, then thats my biggest concern resolved, I said, smiling placidly. Lastly but definitely not least, I can promise that cooperation with me will be profitable for all involved. I couldnt say how much of a nest egg youll need to make the necessary introductions to some power able to barter for Rhaems true worth, but I should think that every disc helps.

All this isastonishingly generous, Lord Seiji, Adver said warily, especially considering thecircumstances under which we havebecome acquainted.

Oh, do not mistake me. I dropped the smile and leaned forward again. Im not offering charity, and you had best not expect generosity. Your blundering got me shot full of quarrels and dumped in a river. I am displeased with you people, and my annoyance will be reflected in the terms of the arrangement we make.

I understand your position, Lord Seiji, the Highlord replied, dipping his head. His wife tightened her lips, but did not intervene.

That said, I continued, relaxing my own posture, I see far too much benefit to me in an alliance to be worth retaliating. So, I will put it to you, Highlord Adver, since you have so admirably taken responsibility for planting yourself right in my way. Will you accept my aid in facing your problems on less-than-generous terms, or shall I simply leave Clan Yviredh to its self-inflicted fate?

Adver inhaled slowly, then shifted his head to lock eyes with his wife. Elidred met his gaze intently and they seemed to be communicating in silence for a few seconds, before she inclined her head infinitesimally toward him.

He turned back to meet my expectant stare again and cleared his throat.

What arrangement did you have in mind, Lord Seiji?

And just like that, I had a Clan on my side. They were a sad little specimen of a Clan, but theyd do for a start.