Losing My Religion

Part 2, Chapter 7

Lily

All of the preparing to confront Amber I’d done went out the window when she barged into my room, mouth hung open when she saw me in Sophia’s arms.

Not that I wasn’t ready for the conversation, thought it didn’t need to be done. It was just that all of that preparation fell out of my head as soon as she opened her mouth.

“Lily, what the fuck?! We’re so worried about you and–” 

From behind her, Chris came in and covered Amber’s mouth with his hand. “You’re here to apologize, you dumbass,” he whisper-shouted.

Amber made a face like she’d bitten into a lemon, shrugging Chris off and regathering her composure. “I’m glad to see you’re okay Lily, can we have a discussion at your earliest convenience?” 

“Uhh…” I sat up, wiping the fatigue out of my eyes, “Yeah, sure, we have a lot to discuss.” 

She stared at Sophia, her expression not outright hostile. “Are you okay with her leaving us alone for a moment…?”

I nodded and kissed Sophia on the cheek, feeling the need to assert myself in this confusing and overwhelming situation. No matter the outcome of our discussion, it was important to me that the woman who had been there for me understood how much I cared for her, and if I made that point to Amber at the same time, so be it.

Sophia left, her hand lingering on my leg as it was dragged away by the rest of her body moving out into the living room with Chris, introducing herself on the way and quickly making friends with him. I had no doubts they would get along, given how easygoing they both were.

“Um, that’s Sophia by the way. She’s– We’re like… childhood friends.” I need to have a conversation with Sophia too… god I want a nap.

Amber shut the door and strode to the middle of the room, crossing her arms and remaining standing, frowning down at me. The tension flowed out of her body as she spoke, “Lily, I am so unbelievably sorry,” her eyes closed, “I– I felt betrayed because I trusted that you wouldn’t get energy from me, basing my thoughts on my own misconceptions on how magic worked, and when you revealed that you had been… It felt like you had broken my trust, violated me in the way I expected least.”

I opened my mouth but her eyes opened and she held up a hand, indicating that she wasn’t done yet, despite the pause.

“But even with all that, what I said wasn’t okay. I should’ve… I should've trusted you in the first place, but beyond that, I should’ve taken the time to work everything out, do experiments and help find a solution together – if there even was a problem.”

She sighed, “I let my temper get the better of me, I’m sorry, and I want to do everything I can to make that up to you.”

I let myself fall back, thumping into the bed and staring into the ceiling. “Thank you for apologizing.” I didn’t know if I wanted to say more, if it would be productive to say more.

Amber shuffled in place, uncomfortable with my curt response.

“Amber, how am I supposed to respond? How am I supposed to feel?“

“You feel how you feel, and whatever that is, it’s valid…?” Her tone was hesitantly questioning, unsure if she should be giving me permission to let loose my feelings on her.

“Well I’m pissed, so there.” I turned my head to glare at her.

She grimaced.

“If you thought you had your trust broken, but it just turned out you were being a dumbass, then what am I supposed to do, when you broke my trust and told me the one thing that would hurt me the most, treated me like my father treated me? My trust in you was broken, how do I deal with that?”

“I…”

“How am I supposed to feel when I thought you despised me so much that I thought it would be easier to make up with my father than with you?” I let out a long exhale, and she watched, silently awaiting my judgment.

My eyes flicked up from the floor, where they’d fallen, to her face. “I just– how can you be so stupid?! Like, sure, I ran away from you after I said what I said, but that was because of the embarrassing implications of it, not the nefarious implications! And even if I had been sucking you dry, why would I admit it?! I could’ve just claimed it was Chris who was feeding me – which was partially true – and asked him to let you measure his magic, which I’m sure wouldn’t have been abnormal!”

My fists tensed, rising in the air above me and slamming down onto my bed in a synchronized thump. “And how perfect is it that right before you were being all condescending to me, saying ‘oh no Lily is a moron, of course she can’t understand magic, she can’t even do stoichiometry’? How perfect is it that you think that and then you act like a complete buffoon, a stubborn fool that won’t take the time to think things through?”

Amber winced, tension building in her posture.

“But the stupidest part is that even with all of that being the case, I still love you…” I turned away again, trying not to choke up under the weight of my feelings, “I have no control over it. I was completely distraught, broken after you tore into me, but even then, when I was deprived of affection, lying in my childhood bedroom, I never even fantasized about you apologizing to me and us making up.”

I paused for a moment, huffing in breath to fuel my rant.

“I just felt abandoned. Abandoned by you and betrayed by my own heart…”

Amber’s resigned tone barely reached my ears.  “I’m… sorry… Should I just leave…?”

“You idiot… I just told you I love you, get over here and give me a hug.”

Thankfully, she listened, not that I got much out of it. I was asleep after the third time she ran her hand through my hair, completely spent and relieved of the tension I’d been carrying.

Amber

I tip-toed out of the room, gently closing the door to avoid disturbing Lily’s sleep. It was early night, and although I was absolutely ready to fall asleep with her, I still had more talking to do.

I strode up to Sophia, a pretty blonde girl with a kind smile, and waved. “Hey, I’m Amber.” She was sitting on the couch, while Chris was sitting in the loveseat, the conversation they’d been having dying down as I arrived.

Her smile turned tepid when she looked at me. “So you’re the infamous Amber I’ve been hearing so much about…”

I grimaced, sitting down next to her on the couch, but leaving plenty of space between us. Everyone here was at least a little mad at me, rightfully so, and I had a lot of work to do, fixing that.

Chris picked the conversation up, probably the least mad at me out of the three. “So, how’d it go?”

“Umm…” I blinked, trying to find the words to describe the conversation I’d just had. “We’re… getting there. It went as well as you could expect.”

He raised an eyebrow. “So she completely forgave you because she’s a softie?”

“Maybe not that well,” I paused for a moment, “Or maybe even better than that. I’m still figuring out what I want between us in the first place. I mean there’s you two, and there’s my family…”

Sophia glanced at Chris, “I can’t speak for the puppy, but it is my understanding that succubi having multiple partners is rather standard, despite how… imprudent I find the idea of her dating you,” her face turned to me, eyes rolling along the way, “And given my conversation with her earlier, I have no doubt about Chris’ assessment of her being a softie for you is true.”

My lips pursed, but I only responded to her first point. “I wasn’t sure. I can’t trust any of my knowledge on demons, given that my textbook would’ve phrased it as ‘multiple victims’.”

Chris shrugged. “Someone has to be there to keep Amber in check.” He flashed me a smile, taking the bite out of the comment.

Sophia narrowed her eyes at me, “I’m sure the whole ‘if you hurt her again…’ type threat doesn’t need to be said?”

I sunk back into the couch. “Yes… I know…” My tone sounded defeated, even to myself.

A silence settled over the room.

I yawned, drained after the long day. “Do you two want to stay here so we can all talk with her in the morning?”

Sophia nodded. “If there’s a space for me, that would be convenient. I can skip my classes tomorrow, they’re just lectures on material I’ve already studied.”

Chris shrugged, “It’s probably just better for me to go to my dorm – it’s not that far of a walk.” He stood, heading towards the door. “Goodnight, text me when everyone's up. I have a class in the late morning, but I want to be there for this conversation if I can.”

Once he left it was just me and Sophia. Neither of us wanted to invade Lily’s bed, especially when she was feeling so fragile – even if she would probably be okay with it.

“So there’s the couch, and there’s my bed…” I shrugged, leading her towards my bathroom with a gesture. “I’m sleeping in my bed, and I don’t care which one you chose.”

She glared. “I’m not sleeping in your bed.” 

I shrugged and gave her an extra toothbrush, going through my nightly routine in parallel with her. My mind wandered, exploring all of the places it hadn’t had time to yet.

My mother was the thing most on my mind. What did it mean that our magic circles were in Demonic? What did it mean if our textbooks on demons were wrong? What did it mean for Katie who I’d told to suppress her instincts and given her my old books? 

I cursed under my breath. I needed to see Katie, and it couldn’t wait until Saturday. Although, I did need to plan a bit, to circumvent our mother. I settled for texting her for now, as I laid down on my bed. “Everything I think I know about demons is wrong, those textbooks I gave you are bs, I’ll see you asap about this. Sorry for what I did to Lily, I’m trying to make up with her. I love you.”

I sighed, mentally adding another thing to the pile of urgent tasks to take care of. I settled into bed, snuggling under the covers and hugging one of my pillows, wishing it was Lily. A few minutes went by, but just when I was about to fall asleep, my door creaked open.

Sophia’s quiet voice echoed across the room. “Amber?”

“What…?” I yawned.

“Is the offer of your bed still on the table? You never gave me a blanket, and that couch is rubbish anyways…”

“Sure…” I mumbled, cursing myself for forgetting to give her a blanket. 

A few moments later, the mattress sank and the sheets rustled as she dug herself under the covers. A rush of cold air flooded my space, making me shiver, hugging my pillow tighter.

My bed was not big enough for two people to sleep completely independent of one another, meaning I could feel her sapping my heat, even if we weren’t quite touching. “Why’re you so cold?” I whined, tugging the sheets back towards me, trying to escape.

“Maybe if you’d been a proper host I wouldn’t be so cold,” she shot back, probably glaring at me.

“Well maybe if you weren’t such a frigid bitch it’d be easier for you to warm up,” I winced as soon as I said it, already regretful. 

Sophia grabbed one of my pillows and smacked my head with it, a loud thump ringing in my ear.

“Yeah, I probably deserved that.”

“You really did.”

I was glad for the darkness obscuring the smug expression she probably had.

Just as we were finally settling down, done with our arguing – at least for now – we heard a door slam open, followed by a quiet stomping and a knock on my door.

“I’m coming in, you two better not be banging in there,” Lily’s irritated voice rang out.

Sophia and I cursed under our breaths.

Lily barged in, standing with her hands on her hips. “What’s going on here?”

Sophia spoke first, “She’s annoying and mean.”

I followed, wanting to be honest to at least get one over on her on that front. “I’m envious of her because I feel like she’s closer to you and doesn’t keep fucking things up.”

“Fucking kids…” Lily muttered, striding over to my bed and crawling between us, making her way under the covers. 

“There’s not enough room for three people,” I protested, despite wanting to share space with Lily.

Lily responded, “Then you’re not cuddling up to me enough. Goodnight.”

After a moment of hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her tiny body, ignoring the fact that she was naked, the way my arms curled around Sophia on the other side, and the way hers were around me.

Warmth was no longer an issue in our Lily sandwich, and we all quickly drifted off, pressed together.