Chapter 39: Two Sh*theads and a Throw
.....
BLING!
[Ding! You have killed 5 ants in the Peak Qi Cultivation Realm!]
[Ding! You have obtained a miniscule shitstain amount of Clone Essence! Barely worth mentioning-]
"Shithead, I'm the only one allowed to curse!" Lucifer interrupted the system with a slightly irritated outburst.
[Ding! The host is a diptard! It's recommended that the dear host avoid speaking too many words, lest his brain gets fried from the overlord!]
"Who the hell are you calling stupid!? I look at your 2D, Bitcoin, gadget-looking ass, and all I see is two brain cells trying their damnedest to squeeze out those last few thoughts!"
Lucifer grabbed the pop-up screen with both his hands and shook it, seemingly trying to rattle those last brain cells together.
[Ding! Jokes on you, my 'Dear' Host! The Infinite Clone System—your path to power—doesn't possess a brain and thus it's immune to processing the stupidity that you're spewing!]
"You fucke-"
Lucifer was about to throw down with his 'lovable' system right then and there, but he was rudely interrupted by a Sir Young Master Dipshit.
"Wait… That's two Young Master Dipsihits…" he noted with a perceptive gaze, watching as two pompous figures approached from the other side of the mountain.
The two wore the most ridiculous kind of clothing: gaudy capes and dipshit jewelry; hell, even their expressions were smug and fucktard-like. But above all else, the most embarrassing thing about their appearances was the ruby-embedded crowns atop their egg-like heads.
"Are these ret*rds here for a clown parade?" Lucifer mused as he analyzed the demeanors of the approaching figures, unable to stop himself from comparing them to mentally impaired cartoon characters.
"You dumb bastard peasant! You never thought this day would come, did you!?" 4th Young Master Yan Xue sneered, his face twisted with ridicule.
"Yeah, you stupid little turd! Did you ever think that one day you would find yourself cornered up against a wall!? With no elders of the family here to protect you to boot!! How does it feel-!?"
BANG!
Yan Xue wasn't even able to finish what he was saying before he was confronted with a fiery fist—a fist that smashed right across his jaw!
His jawbones instantly shattered into a billion different pieces; his face slung all over the place grotesquely, before finally his flailing figure slammed into a boulder!
BOOOOM!
A loud explosion echoed through the billowing air as the infamous Yan Xue lay crumpled against a stone boulder. His jaw was no longer attached to his face, and a bloodstain had somehow appeared where his groin should have been.
"With the dissection of your tiny worm, you can now stop flaunting it in front of my face like you have something larger than 4 inches. And for all that talk, you ended up only having a 2-and-a-half-inch garden snake… What a waste of a man."
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Lucifer took earth-shaking steps toward Yan Xue's unconscious body, and ignored Yan Chao's existence, treating him as if he were nothing more than thin air.
"!!!"
This infuriated the young master, but upon seeing the demonic look in his 6th brother's eyes, he shrank back into his own skin. Instead, he adopted a more cautious, spectator-like approach.
'Y-Yes, this is surely the smartest thing to do in this situation! I w-will teach this bastard a very good lesson on respect as soon as he's done with whatever he's doing!'
'This is the gentlemanly thing to do…'
Sweat poured down Yan Chao's forehead as he trembled in fear, watching the devil-in-human-form approach his 4th brother.
_____
"So, my dear brother Yan Xue…" Lucifer pulled his 4th brother up by his long, girlish hair, effortlessly lifting up the large can of lard.
After bringing the bruised, disfigured face to his far more appealing facial features, Lucifer forcefully opened up Yan Xue's eyelids.
"Hello?? Is anyone in that hollow head of yours!?" Lucifer shook him around like a toy, effectively scrambling his brain.
"Hhuhh!? Whoze da hlell-!?" Despite his broken jaw, Yan Xue tried to spit out his classic young master line. But before he could do so, his head was slammed into a boulder, causing cracks to spread throughout the entire thing like a spiderweb.
"I was just kidding~ I don't actually care what you have to say. But if you could do a favor for me… please become my loot!" Lucifer gripped the smashed face of the rich pig before locking his demonic eyes with the piggy's frightened gaze. "Why don't we see how far the piggy loot bag can fly?"
"!?!?"
"Hrmhu!! Pl-!!"
"Sorry, I don't speak pig Latin." Lucifer lifted all 300 pounds of the pig, rearing his arm back and preparing to launch the first pig to the moon!
However, that was when he noticed a skinny piggy from the corner of his eye. "Ahh… It seems like we are going for a two-for-one."
Lucifer flashed an evil smile in Yan Chao's direction.
"!!!"
The third Young Master realized that this was the time to skedaddle. But before he could move even an inch, a firm, muscular hand was already gripping his face.
"Let go of me, you dirt poor bastard! Do you know who I am!?"
Yan Chao tried to spout some stupid ass cliche lines, but Lucifer wasn't the one to give a shit. He simply showed his sharp, pearly whites with a grin and swung Yan Chao behind him.
After the preparation was completed, Lucifer searched for a suitable target to try and hit. That was when he noticed a flying, Quetzalcoatl-like beast in the distance.
It appeared to be fighting with a high-ranking disciple of the Devilduke family, but once again, Lucifer had no fucks to give. With a 'hardened' resolve, he tensed his arm muscles, causing veins within to bulge. He used every ounce of his physical strength in order to launch the buffoons toward the stratosphere!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
"Youuu fuckkking bastarddd—!!!!" they let out a final scream in unison before taking on the full force of multiple sonic booms!
"And…" Lucifer watched their receding figures approach the Quetzalcoatl. Only after the giant, 100-meter beast went down did he declare, "Hole in one. Another victory for the awesomeness that is me."
As he said those words, a few system notifications appeared before him, originating not from what his clones had killed but from his own kills.
...…