Heretical Fishing

Book 2: Chapter 42: Scandalized

In a throne room high in the royal capital, Augustus Reginald Gormona shifted in his chair.

His usually comfy chair had felt hard and uninviting lately, as if it protested his very existence. The colorful light that bathed the room during the day had long departed, and with the darkness of night covering the land, the harsh glow of candles flickered. He straightened his posture, trying to reduce the ache in his lower back, then sighed.

“It’s useless...”

“Er—what is, my king?”

Augustus looked up, turning his displeasure onto the dignitary.

“The expeditions are. You said there has been no news of the spirit beasts—has every report been received?”

“Y-yes, king. The last one came in this afternoon regarding the search for Lizard Wizard.”

The throne’s armrests seemed to grow sharp and angled beneath him, so the king moved.

It didn’t help.

The dignitary didn’t speak; the man had been in his family’s employ for decades, so knew to hold his tongue around his betters.

“What is your name again, servant?”

“Luke, my king.”

“Right. You were the one who came to me with news of the artifact room, correct?”

“Yes, king.”

Augustus Reginald Gormona sighed and ran his hands through his white hair.

“Keep up the good work then, Luke. Come to me the moment you receive any more reports.”

The dignitary snapped a salute.

“Yes, king.”

“You are dismissed.”

The man turned on his heel and strode out of the open door. The waiting-room servant closed it behind him, leaving the king alone with the flickering of candles.

Augustus’s nose twitched. Of all the spirit beasts, he had expected to find Lizard Wizard and Bog Dog; there was only one desert and swampland within the kingdom’s borders. Boat Goat, Hurtle the Turtle, and Glare Bear could be difficult to find, given how much water and forest there was to search… but to find none of them? It was unacceptable.

He reached over and picked up a souffle. A tray of them had been sitting there for hours, and though they had cooled, he still enjoyed them when not fresh. He took a spoonful and placed it in his mouth. He chewed three times, swallowed, then launched the ramekin at the wall. It bounced off ineffectively, and Augustus Reginald Gormona, seething, lifted the entire tray and threw it across the room.

The wooden ramekins rolled along the floor, spilling their golden filling everywhere.

“Servant!” he yelled, heaving with anger.

The door swung in, and the man appeared, bowing at the waist.

“Yes, king?”

“What happened to the ceramic ramekins?” he boomed, not bothering to hide his fury.

“Th-they went missing, king. More have been ordered.”

He glared at the man.

“Went missing? What do you mean, they went missing? Can this castle not even keep track of crockery, servant?”

“I apologize for our ineptitude, king.”

Augustus Reginald Gormona shuddered, and all at once, he slumped on his throne.

“Do not bring me any more souffles until they can be served in ceramic.”

“Yes, king.”

The servant closed the door behind himself, having worked directly with the king long enough to know a dismissal.

“Gods above,” the king muttered. “How you vex me...”

***

“Where did you even find these ramekins, Peter?” I asked, looking down at my now-empty plate. “They look posh as hell.”

He peered out through a half-closed eye as he caressed his dessert-filled belly.

“I may have procured them from the royal kitchen.”

I laughed, then winced and held my stomach.

“The king’s own bowls, huh?” I held it up in the firelight, appreciating its uniformity. “Neat.”

“That’s not all,” Barry said, getting to his feet and stretching.

“It isn’t?” I raised an eyebrow at Peter. “What other goodies did you bring with you, scoundrel?”

“Why, all manner of crockery—though I suspect what Barry’s talking about is the glasses.”

In response, Barry lifted a crate onto the table. He reached down, making the contents clink together before removing a beautiful object from within. He held up what looked like a crystal tumbler. Its angles caught and reflected the different sources of light surrounding us, making it seem to glow.

“How does everyone feel about some of my special reserve rum?” Barry asked, smiling around the circle.

“I’d love some,” Maria replied, “though I feel like I shouldn’t be able to drink a drop given how much food I’ve eaten...”

I shrugged.

“I’m pretty sure it’s either our cultivator bodies, the nature of the food, or both—whatever the cause, I’m down for some special reserve, Barry.”

Barry, with a smile wrinkling his eyes, started to pour.

***

Fergus slung one meaty arm over my shoulder and raised his glass high.

“To Fischer!” he slurred, his first cup of rum and sugarcane juice already well in effect.

“To Fischer!” everyone else replied.

I grinned and raised my glass to join them.

“To fishing!”

“To fishing!” Theo and his pals repeated, their cheeks flushed.

After the last time I’d indulged in Barry’s drink—and the absolute brick-to-the-brain hangover that resulted—I was content nursing my drink. Even just sipping at it, a warmth ran through my body, bringing a relaxed contentedness with it.

Maria, already on her second drink, wobbled over and poked a finger into Fergus’s chest.

“You trying to steal my man, smith?”

She tried to keep a straight face, but swiftly descended into giggles.

“Your man?” He bellowed a laugh. “We are brothers bonded by the forge—your affections are nothing before the alloy of our friendship.”

“I knew it!” Theo yelled, pointing a finger at me from across the campfire. “You have been seeing other friends!”

I shook my head, not even knowing where to begin.

“Jokes on you, blacksmith!” Theo continued, striding over. “The bond you’ve forged is nothing before the ties that bind fishermen to one another. Like a wind-knot, our friendship will never be untangled.”

Brad and Greg, returning from a wander down to the shoreline midway through the tirade, jumped right in.

“Knots of fishing line?” Brad demanded, then bellowed a theatrical laugh. “Easily severed, those.”

Greg nodded.

“Exactly—unlike the knots formed in wood, which only our friendship with Fischer could hope to match.”

“Not just any wood, mind you,” Brad continued, leaning in conspiratorially. “Hardwood—iron wood, even.”

Maria nodded sagely.

“It’s true—which is exactly why Fischer is mine.” She let out a downright villainous chuckle. “We’ve bonded over each of those things! You all never stood a chance.”

“It’s no good, gentlemen.” Theo clutched at his heart as if struck by an arrow. “She has too much power.”

She hunched down low and faced her head toward the sky as her evil chuckle rang out once more, even deeper than before. I had no idea what she was going for, but I couldn’t help but join in.

***

I had expected Barry to reign everyone in a bit considering they were technically members of his church and were no doubt up to some dastardly schemes. In retrospect, it was probably a terrible idea to expect restraint from the man that had made bootleg cultivator moonshine out of his back shed.

Barry hooted and hollered as he danced over the sand, refilling cups in a terrifyingly efficient manner. Rum flowed, laughter reigned, and good times were aplenty as the night stretched on. At one point, I found myself standing by the fireside alone, simply looking out over the different conversations taking place. There were no cliques, and it was a joy to watch those I saw as friends bond with one another.

Maria was across the fire with Danny and Peter, locked in a fierce discussion. Though their cheeks were flushed, their eyes were filled with passion. From the hand gestures she was making, they were discussing the methods of crumbing fish, comparing dough kneading techniques, or practicing some sort of strange dance.

As Maria continued, Peter called over to Ellis. The former archivist strode over with strong—if a little wobbly—strides, and I smiled at him. Most of this world—maybe everyone except for those gathered around the campfire before me—saw taking steps on the path of ascension as some terrible, life-ending malady. Ellis’s vigor flew in the face of that belief, and I was beyond grateful that my contributions helped cure the illness that had ailed him.

As Ellis reached them, Peter mimed for him to start recording their sensation. With the dexterity of a wacky waving inflatable tube man in a stiff breeze, Ellis jotted down the steps they were going over. Maria would make a gesture and Peter would copy it—all the while, Ellis’s hand was a drunken blur, and he nodded along sporadically, making his body sway each time.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder; I turned to see Ruby and Steven.

“Hey guys,” I said, cocking a head at their nervous expressions. “Everything all good?”

Ruby gave me a strained look.

“We’re well, I just wanted to come have a chat—it feels a bit...”

“Awkward,” Steven blurted.

“Steven!” She nudged him in the ribs. “You’re the only awkward one here, you big oaf!”

Steven’s grin only grew wider as she turned back to me, shaking her head.

“I don’t know if awkward is the right word, but it does feel a bit...”

I swallowed a sip of my drink and gave them a reassuring smile.

“It’s fine; I get it. We were neighbors, perhaps even friends—I saw you that way, anyway—but then you suddenly get brought into a church that sees me as some great being. It’s... well, it’s a lot.”

Ruby let out a light laugh.

“It is, isn’t it? And we also saw you as a friend, for what it’s worth. I’ve not felt comfortable around you lately, but it’s not because of anything you did.”

“It’s more what we did,” Steven added. “Sneaking behind your back and all.”

I tossed my head from side to side.

“Well, yeah, but that’s only because I specifically asked to be left in the dark. It’s not as though you did it with malicious intent.”

“I guess you’re right...” she said, resting a hand on her abdomen.

“I’m definitely right—you shouldn’t feel bad for the choices you’ve made. I agree with them wholeheartedly.”

“If you say so...”

Though her words were still pensive, some of the hesitancy had left her expression.

“Are you guys having a good night?” I asked, eyeing Steven’s rosy cheeks and Ruby’s lack thereof. My eyes drifted down to her hand that still rested just above her stomach. “Hang on a second—you’re not drinking…” My eyes darted up to meet hers. “You’re not...” I leaned in. “Are you?”

Her eyes went wide and her hand drifted down. Steven made an ‘oh, shit’ face, then he snorted.

“He creates cultivators like Sue creates pastries—are you really surprised he saw through you, Ruby?”

“Oh, shush, Steven! Don’t be so loud!” She leaned in, her pupils dilated despite her lack of drink. “I am—it’s only early days, though, so we’re keeping it to ourselves.”

“Guys!” I hissed, moving in to whisper. “That’s unreal! Congratulations!”

Though she hadn’t partaken of any rum, when Ruby smiled up at me, her cheeks were the rosiest of all.

“Thank you, Fischer. There are still a lot of questions because, well, we’re both cultivators now, and it’s still so early in the pregnancy, but I have a feeling it’s all going to work out.”

She rubbed her stomach lovingly, and I went to shake Steven’s hand, but then pulled them both into a hug instead. They were both cultivators, so I gave them a good squeeze.

“I’m over the moon for both of you—I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.”

I let them go, a sigh escaping me as I did so.

“You know, Fischer is a great unisex name.”

Steven, who had just taken a sip of his drink, choked.

“Kidding! Just kidding!” I laughed.

Ruby patted him on the back as she giggled.

“He rarely drinks.”

“I’m fine,” he said, still coughing. “I was just a little surprised.”

“What did I miss?” Maria asked, slipping an arm around mine and raising an eyebrow. “Good news?”

“Errr,” I said, rather dumbly.

“Oh, I don’t expect you to keep it a secret from Maria, Fischer,” Ruby said, taking pity on me. She leaned in close to Maria.

“Can you keep a secret?”

At the prospect, she leaned in close, wobbling a little.

“Of course!”

“I’m pregnant!” Ruby hissed in a rush, unable to keep it in any longer.

Maria froze.

“You’re serious?”

Steven nodded.

“She is. As we told Fischer, it’s only early days, but—”

“Artemis’s quivering bow!” Maria yelled, cutting him off. She realized how loud she was, so leaned in, shushing us as if we’d had the outburst. “Oh. My. Goodness!” She grabbed Ruby’s hands and danced from foot to foot as she let out an almost-silent squeal. “That’s amazing news! I can’t believe it!”

Maria dragged Ruby off to the side as she peppered her with questions, leaving Steven and I alone.

“Loved the robes, by the way,” I said, referencing the midnight-colored outfit with an embroidered rod and fish I’d caught Ruby in when she walked from the new church.

“Ah. Thank you. The pattern was all Ruby, but I made most of them. They were a delight to create.”

“Do you, uh... think I could get one?”

He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me, his eyes a little distant from the drink.

“Oh-ho! The heretic wants nothing to do with the church but wants a robe?”

I raised my hands.

“That may be true, but they look comfy... and pretty damn cool.”

“They are comfy,” he agreed, nodding. “And they do look pretty damn cool.”

“So can I get one?”

“I’ll see what I can do. I suppose I can rustle one up—for a price.”

I rolled my eyes playfully at the amusement writ clear on his face.

“What are you trying to get out of me, miser?”

“Oh, you know, I’m sure I'll think of something.” He snapped his fingers, as if just remembering something. “What’s that thing you like doing? With the rods and the water.”

“... fishing?”

“Yeah! That’s what it’s called! I guess if you brought me a cooked fish or two, we could use that food as energy to make you a robe. The wife is pregnant, you see? I don’t want to leave her without the nutrients necessary to grow a child...”

The grin he gave me was downright wolfish, and laughter tore free of my lips.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, mate.”

We shook hands, and before I could joke about his shrewdness, Maria and Ruby returned, the former leaning on the latter for support.

“I don’t feel so good...” Maria mumbled, looking down at the sand.

“She downed a drink in celebration,” Ruby said, rubbing her back. “I don’t think it agreed with her.”

“Do you want me to take you home?” I asked.

“Sh-shower,” she replied, covering her mouth.

“Come on—we can go to mine.” I turned to Ruby. “Would you mind coming with? She might need a hand...”

“Of course!”

I picked Maria up, not wanting the pregnant Ruby to have to support her. We all made our way inside, and I led them to the guest shower.

“There’s a towel in there—I’ll just go get some clean clothes,” I said as I put Maria down.

When I returned with a fresh set of pajamas, Ruby took them, put an arm under Maria’s shoulder, then led her inside. The door closed with a soft click, and a moment later, the calming sound of water falling rang out.

“I can’t believe you have a shower...” Steven said, frowning at the door and rubbing his mustache. “I heard you had a System-built house, but to think you’ve had a shower this whole time...”

“They’re unreal, right? If you think that’s crazy, wait until you see this...”

***

“You’re all right, dear,” Ruby said, helping slide Fischer’s shirt over Maria’s head.

“I’m sorry...” Maria mumbled for what had to be the twentieth time.

“You have nothing to apologize for—I know I fell for the same trap a few times when I was your age.”

“I know... it’s just... sorry.”

The poor girl’s face was slack, and Ruby stroked her wet hair.

“You’ll feel better after some rest. Were you going home tonight?”

“I was going to ask Fischer to stay...”

“That’s probably a good idea. I’m not sure how your dad would react if you turned up in a bad way. Come on—let’s get you to bed.”

As Ruby opened the door and helped Maria out, Steven was yelling from another room. Raising an eyebrow, she followed the sound. Steven was at an open door on the other side of a bed, and Fischer was booming with laughter.

“What’s got you so animated?” she asked, looking at her clearly drunk husband.

Steven turned to face her and gestured at the open door emphatically.

“He has another shower in here, Ruby! Right beside his bed!”

Fischer laughed again, and Ruby rolled her eyes.

“Is it okay if Maria stays here, Fischer? She doesn’t want to go home.”

“Of course! She can sleep in the spare bed.”

***

I led Ruby and Maria to the bedroom beside mine and threw back the covers. Ruby helped her into the bed. I reached into my shirt and withdrew the egg—and the bunny flopped over the top of it—then put them under the covers.

“Are you okay from here?” Ruby asked.

“Yeah—thanks for all the help. I’m sure she’ll be fine after a little rest. Besides...” I reached over to pet Cinnamon. “This little mother can keep an eye on her.”

Cinnamon looked out through blissfully slitted eyes, nodding.

“All right—we’ll leave you to it. Come calling if you need any help!”

As they walked out of the bedroom and through the front door, Steven’s voice came trailing in.

“Two showers!” he whisper-yelled, clearly shocked. “Two! And only the gods know how many beds!”

“Yes, dear,” Ruby replied, patting his arm as she closed the door behind them.

Maria mumbled something, so I turned back and leaned in closer.

“What was that?”

“Do you not like me, Fischer?”

The question brought me up short.

“What? Of course I like you.”

“It’s okay if you don't...” Her words were soft and filled with resignation. “I just wanted to know—that's all.”

I rested a hand on her arm.

“What makes you think I don’t?”

Cinnamon lifted her head from beneath the blanket and looked between us with narrowed eyes. She scooched the egg against Maria’s leg for warmth before hopping out the door and closing it behind her, leaving the room plunged in shadow.

“Because...” Maria continued. “You haven’t tried to... you know...”

I swallowed, my words failing me.

“You could—if you wanted to, I mean,” she mumbled, her words laden with sleep.

I squeezed her hand reassuringly as my heart pounded in my chest.

“It—it wouldn’t be right with you so intoxicated, but I do like you Maria—more than I can put into words.”

“Hmm,” she replied dreamily.

Silence took over, and all I could hear was my pulse thumping in my ears.

“Maria?” I asked, but she didn’t reply, her breaths coming slow and steady.

I sighed and stood, paused, then bent back down to kiss her softly on the forehead.

“Goodnight, Maria.”

As I left the room, Cinnamon was sitting in a corner, staring at me. She raised her eyebrows, looking downright scandalized.

“Shush, you. Go lay on your egg and come get me if she’s sick or needs help.”

With a smirk she didn’t bother hiding, Cinnamon hopped past me into the room and closed the door behind her.